meghawoman's musings

.Christmas Eve reflections.

2011-12-24T19:36:00.000-07:00

It's Christmas Eve, and earlier this evening I found myself reflecting on Jesus' birth. Not really a big surprise, given the day.
But I started thinking about what it was like for Mary and Joseph. A census had forced them to go to their ancestral city of Bethlehem, which means that all their relatives would also be heading that way. "No room in the inn" may have actually been "no room in a relative's home" as they were shunned by their families.
How terrifying would it have been for these young teenagers to become strangers and outcasts, stuck in a stable or cave with animals.
And then Mary goes into labour. Joseph must have been freaking out, but probably tried to stay calm for Mary's benefit. I'm sure neither of them really had a clue what they were doing, but somehow, God was with them assisting in the birth of his son. Pretty awesome.
I think a lot of people can be lonely at Christmastime. Maybe they're reminded of estranged family members or of losses, but I hope that they can find comfort in knowing that Jesus came into the world as part of an estranged family who had lost a lot of relationships. God was there in the midst of their pain, and he walks with us in ours too.

.friends.

2011-12-19T17:42:00.000-07:00

I'm really thankful for my friends. It's hard to move to a new city and find community. I don't have a ton of friends here yet, but I do have a few really great ones. I'm blessed.
But, I miss having guy friends.
At a certain point it seems that we've been trained to think "why bother?" when it comes to being friends with someone who might be a potential spouse. It's like we flirt, maybe go out once or twice, decide yes or no, and we're done with it (if it's a no).
But what if I'm chatting with you and want to get to know you because I think you're interesting, but I don't really want to date you? What if I actually want to be friends? But we don't really make time for that. And it makes me sad. I think we're all probably missing out on some beautiful friendships.
I don't want my life to be less full because I'm missing out on potential friendships. And, I want to be able to have a great conversation with someone without anyone questioning my motives or interpreting my friendliness as something more.
I guess I just don't want to put pressure on potential friendships that's completely unnecessary. I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them, and it'd be nice to be able to do that without wondering "what if?"
Mostly, I guess I'd just like to build more of a community here. More well-rounded. People of different age groups and genders. I think we all have so much to offer each other, and maybe it's selfish of me, but I want to experience that. Actually, I don't think it's selfish. I think it's how we were created to be.
It just takes some risk; but what a beautiful risk it could be.

.it's official.

2011-11-15T16:28:00.001-07:00

Christmas season is on its way.
Christmas songs are on the radio.
Including, of course, Last Christmas.

.random thought.

2011-10-30T15:42:00.000-06:00

I don't particularly enjoy cooking. I like eating, but I don't generally eat well alone. Which is often. oops.
Basically, I miss the community that meals are supposed to be. So I think subconsciously I've been lazy about food, and eat while reading a book or watching tv, to try to avoid the fact that I am alone.
Yesterday I cooked, and I enjoyed it, and I don't think there was anything different from cooking yesterday vs any other day, except for the fact that I knew I would be eating with friends. And that made it worthwhile.
Conclusion: I think I need a roommate, or at least friends to eat with more frequently.

.grade retreats.

2011-09-30T16:38:00.002-06:00

So, I just got back from the last grade retreat of the year. I'm tired, for sure, but also feeling encouraged.

It was great to be up in Muskoka, away from school and the distractions of life back home, and just connect with the students and with God. I certainly had a blast, and I hope they did too!

We had some phenomenal leaders this year, which also helped to make them great experiences.

Pictures to come!

.maritimes.

2011-08-29T14:47:00.000-06:00

I am so blessed to live in such a beautiful country! It's so diverse, but everywhere has its own unique beauty.
This summer Roz and I were able to head east for a few days, which was so lovely. Here are a couple of pictures from our trip.

.Montreal.

2011-07-23T18:33:00.000-06:00

For what I was up to for 2 weeks this month, go here.

.divine appointment.

2011-06-22T15:28:00.000-06:00

This past weekend, my brother and I were driving up to Owen Sound to celebrate my dad's birthday and Father's day.
Not far from town, in a little village along the highway, we passed an unhappy couple. It looked like the man had thrown the woman's things after her and was tearing a strip off her. I told me brother to turn around so we could investigate. We pulled up next to the woman, who was sobbing, and now on the other side of the street than the man, and I asked her if she'd like a ride. She got in, with her bags in tow.
We went a little ways up the road to stop for a drink, and a chance for her to share her story. We also made a plan for what she was going to do next.
I spent a little less than an hour with her, but I'm still hopeful that it made a difference in her life.
I want to be more open to the needs of the people around me, more aware of, and more available to them.
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace...

.springtime.

2011-05-07T11:28:00.000-06:00

I am loving today.

The Niagara Youth Network planned an event for today called "Love in Motion" where students from churches all across the Niagara region gather in St. Catharines and then spread throughout the city to serve and love people. The kick-off took place at a church pretty close to my house, so I decided to walk to the event with my camera, so I could take pictures of some budding trees.

It's amazing how easy it is to meet people on a sunny day armed with nothing but a smile and a camera.
I said hello to a man in a walker, walking a very happy dog. I chatted with 2 sisters roller-blading in their driveway (the older sister patiently teaching the younger, catching her frequently and picking her back up). Then across the street a toddler on a tricycle with her grandma next to her cheerily repeated "hello" a few dozen times as I waved and returned the greeting.
I paused to take a picture of a tree, and a woman in a scooter interrupted me, asked me to follow her, and showed me to her backyard where a gorgeous cherry tree is blooming. We hunted up and down the sidewalk, looking between houses to find a gorgeous mystery tree she'd caught sight of the other day. We finally caught a glimpse of the brightly coloured tree, but never could determine exactly where it's located or how to get a fuller view of it.

I'm feeling excited at the thought of finally meeting some of my neighbours, after a long winter. I hadn't really let myself plan ahead enough to say that I'd be staying in this apartment for another year; I kind of expected to move, but now I'm feeling like I'm here now, and I should be making the most of this opportunity. I'm looking forward to getting to know more of my neighbours over the coming days and weeks.

.foods and places.

2011-04-01T19:03:00.002-06:00

As I was eating Pad Thai for dinner, I began to consider different foods I love that I associate with different places for introducing me to them, or just because they were really good there. St. Catharines and Thai food go together for me...I seem to eat more of it here than in other places I've lived. Which is great, because it's delicious!

The only somewhat unique food I can think of Owen Sound offering to me is schnitzel, but the Schnizelhouse where I used to work no longer exists. The Schnizelhaus in Calgary is quite excellent, though. And the Schnizel in Austria, well, that goes without saying.

Munich: weisswurst. From Yorma's (Your Mama's!) for a euro or two. Wow, we were cheap. But it's delicious!

Amsterdam brings to mind two main foods: Turkish pizza and shoarma. I'm not sure why poffertjes and pannekoeken didn't immediately come to mind, but they count too. Maybe the Turkish pizza being just around the corner from the hostel, and only 2 euros, and shoarmas being everywhere you turned in the city caused them to come to my mind first. Also, Marco and I had a memorable experience while eating shoarma in Vondelpark when a man went into a pond, caught a fish with his bare hands, climbed onto the shore and started beating it on the ground while a crowd gathered around. Weird.

My favourite food from Japan was okonomiyaki, and while I associate it with Japan (we dubbed it Japan's "garbage plate"), I also associate it with Amsterdam's Japanese Pancake House. The dancing fish flakes on top were also awesome, as was the epic boat ride in the canal afterward wherein the motor repeatedly died and Ben attempted to fix it while I paddled towards Harald's. Sadly, when I tried to go back there with Roz and Beth a few years later, they were closed for renovations. Thankfully they were able to get okonomiyaki in Japan this summer, so all is well.

Speaking of garbage plates, I think that's all Rochester has to offer me, which is quite the disappointment because I can't qualify that as good food. I'm not a hater, but considering it can eat through styrofoam and ceiling tiles in a fairly short period of time, I can't recommend it to someone more than once for health's sake.

I think of Vietnamese food when I think of Calgary. Maybe because it was everywhere...2 restaurant options across from the CPCC: one best for Vietnamese subs, and one great for vermicelli. Also, the Vietnamese restaurant in Bowness is awesome, and they're super friendly.
I also think of London Fogs at The House, although they were unable to fill that craving for me the last time I visited. They also have great sandwiches there.
Ooh, and Pulcinella's pizza (and their nutella dessert pizza deliciousness thing!!).

Pesto. Cinque Terre. Specifically, Rio Maggiore. Particularly from the grocery store at the bottom of the hill on the left-hand side right before the entrance to the tunnel leading to the train station area. Best. Pesto. Ever.

Well, although this list is far from exhaustive, that was the end of my Pad Thai (a very popular dish!) and thus the end of my food reminiscences. What are some of your food/place associations?

.Boston.

2011-03-18T11:36:00.000-06:00

Roz and I recently visited BethL in Boston (well, Cambridge technically). It was a great visit, and awesome to catch up with Beth, and I look forward to going back again someday.
Boston and Cambridge are great cities to walk around, plus the subway is really convenient. We were a little slowed by Roz's crutches, but I think it was nice because it was more relaxing. Also: Roz's arms are super buff from crutching around everywhere. And! her knee is getting better.
I think I'm going to let some pictures tell stories for themselves.

.glencoe.

2011-02-27T18:16:00.000-07:00

This weekend Jess invited a few of us to her parents' place in Glencoe. It was such a lovely mini retreat!
The weather cleared up for us to drive on Friday night and we arrived safely at the gorgeous farmhouse with the ground gracefully covered in snow.
We sang hymns, played games, watched a movie, visited the sheep and horses in the barn, and...went cross country skiing! (Except for poor Roz who couldn't join us for that part because she's still recovering from being run into and knocked out on the slopes last week.)
The weather was perfect. Temperatures hovered around zero and snow gently fell as we skied, but the snow started to get pretty sticky the second hour in. I paused fairly frequently to snap some photos, so I thought I'd show a few here.

singing hymns around the piano

Rach demonstrates her speed-skater moves

the snow gently falling, fast, oh fast...

look at 'em go!

a short snack break

back on the trail!

posing with the sign...we went on Huron trail (but took a short cut)

Rach "attacks" Julie with a pitchfork!

Rach works up the nerve to pet a (very soft, cushy) sheep!

Roz with the horses

checking out the bald spot on the sheep's neck

Jess the teacher explaining the bald spot

Roz is super excited that she can cross her legs!!

Rachel "bad boy" Peters

the barn

.sight restored.

2011-01-05T12:46:00.000-07:00

I recently had laser eye surgery. I think about what they did to my eyes 2 days ago, and it kind of freaks me out. But it's also ridiculously cool. Because I now have 20/20 vision! After 18ish years of having to wear glasses/contacts, now I can simply see.

Here's a picture of what my eyes look like now, as they're healing (and slightly bruised). Be forewarned: my brother was really grossed out. I didn't know what they looked like cuz I hadn't looked in the mirror yet, but I guess I can understand why he didn't want me to look at him directly, haha.

For the first 2 nights I had to wear these eye shields so I wouldn't accidentally rub my eyes. They're kind of weird goggly things, and basically just make me laugh at myself.

.O Holy Night.

2010-12-26T13:43:00.000-07:00

This is my favourite Christmas carol. The third verse, especially, gets me excited. This is the Christ whose birth we are celebrating! The one whose law is love, whose gospel is peace, who is setting slaves free, and who causes all oppression to cease, who calls his people to follow this example.

O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,

It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,

'Til He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! O hear the angels' voices!

O night divine, O night when Christ was born;

O night divine, O night, O night Divine.

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming,

With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.

So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,

Here come the wise men from Orient land.

The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger;

In all our trials born to be our friend.

He knows our need, to our weakness is no stranger,

Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!

Behold your King, Before Him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another;

His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;

And in His name all oppression shall cease.

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,

Let all within us praise His holy name.

Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,

His power and glory evermore proclaim.

.gefeliciteerd.

2010-11-28T19:24:00.001-07:00

my car just turned 100,000!

.cookie fiasco.

2010-10-20T16:16:00.000-06:00

A little while ago I promised some students I'd bake them cookies for the next day. They requested that they be nut free (one of them had an allergy) and flour-free (which I said I was unable to accommodate).
That evening I debated between chocolate chip cookies and molasses cookies, but decided on chocolate chip, because everyone loves those, right?
I turned the oven on to preheat while i mixed the dough. Halfway through, I discovered that I'd run out of vanilla. I debated over what to do, and decided that almond extract would probably be a suitable substitute. Right after I added it, I remembered: nut allergy!
I decided I'd end up having make the molasses cookies too, after all.
I went to put the first tray of cookies in the oven and discovered that it was still cold. My oven doesn't work. So, I turned on my toaster oven, transferred some of the cookies to the toaster oven tray, and began the slow process of baking cookies in a small space. It takes a long time to bake cookies when you can only put 9 in at a time.
While those trays were baking, I made the molasses cookies.
In the end, they all turned out pretty well and disaster was averted. In any case, they were all gone by the end of the next day.

.invisible people.

2010-09-19T09:42:00.002-06:00

In recent years I've spent a lot of time talking about and attempting to live out a core value of mine: that human life is valuable.
In Amsterdam our cleaner ministry provided us with many opportunities to connect with people who may otherwise have had nowhere else to sleep and no food to eat. It was a joy to get to know their stories and hear how they came to be part of the Shelter community, and also to provide a place for them to get back on their feet. My heart began to be transformed to love those to whom I previously paid little attention.
In my time at the CPCC we showed that we valued life with our goal of making abortions unnecessary, valuing the life of the unborn. At the same time, we valued the lives of the women and men who came into our Centre, helping them as best we could.
At Awaken, my small group was part of a community supper in Bowness, and we had the opportunity to get to know a number of people in the neighbourhood over dinner. It was wonderful to connect with these people there, but to also bump into them outside of this context and develop some friendships. These are people who are largely ignored (let's be honest; how often do you really take the time to stop and chat with whoever you pass on the street? it just doesn't happen, no matter who it is.) but who have valuable stories to share.
It's interesting, not to mention heartbreaking, to read studies that show that homeless people and drug addicts don't even register as people in our brains; we recognize them as objects. And yet these are people who deserve to be treated with care and love, the same as anyone else, if not more-so. I can imagine how desperately they would long for a kind human touch, to be looked upon as someone who is valued. Instead they're spat upon, beaten, ignored.
As a Christian, I need to check myself. Am I noticing the "invisible" people around me? Am I sharing a kind word with them, offering them a cup of coffee, a chance to chat. Or am I too busy to take the time to do more than smile and say hello.
Jesus reminds us that whatever we do for the least of these, we do for him.
One of the ways I'm trying to help the least of these is by writing my MP to encourage the government to stop taking legal action against InSite, Vancouver's safe injection site. I believe that it is a fundamental right of Canadians to receive healthcare, and at InSite they receive care, kindness, and are given dignity as humans. Additionally, there are many benefits to InSite on financial and harm-reduction levels that our government should appreciate, rather than waste our money trying to shut down a program that is a positive addition to many otherwise dark and hopeless lives.
If you want to read some research, or hear from the perspective of a Christian nurse working at InSite, check out my friend Meera's blog, as well as this site.
Please write your MP and help change our government's mind.

.faith journey.

2010-08-10T19:28:00.000-06:00

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
~Hebrews 11:1

The timeline on this story probably goes back before December, but that's where I'm choosing to begin.

When I was home for Christmas, I started telling people I was interested in a job at Eden in their Spiritual Life Department. This was an odd thing for me to do for a few reasons. One: I was already settled at a great job in Calgary. Two: there was no posting for a job at Eden in the SLD. But as I prayed, I sensed great confirmation that this was where I should (at the very least) apply.

So, in March I sent in my resume and a cover letter, only to be informed that there were no positions available at that time.

As I continued to pray, I still sensed that my time at the Centre would be coming to a close and I should pursue other possibilities. I began to look for jobs that were similar to the SLD, and one by one, every door was slammed shut.

I prayed more. I believe that in life there are many choices we can make and God will bless us with either one. I believe that if I had stayed at the Centre, God would have continued to bless me there (not that he would have to...just that in this particular situation it wasn't a clear "right or wrong"). But I also felt somewhat discontent about staying there, and believe that God was challenging me to trust him, to take a step of faith and see what would happen.

So I did.

I notified my bosses and coworkers that I would be leaving the Centre at the end of the school year. They responded so positively; they weren't angry at me for leaving them, they were thankful for the large amount of notice I gave, they encouraged me in my search for new work, and, most importantly, they prayed that God would provide a job that would be the right fit for me.

As my time in Calgary began to draw to a close and doors were repeatedly slammed in my face, I began to dread the inevitable questions: "Where are you moving to? What will you be doing?"

I had no answers. I didn't know where I'd end up. I didn't know what I'd end up doing. But I always rested assured of who God is. I reminded myself frequently that God has shown himself to be kind and loving; he is not mean. He would not tear me out of one place of ministry and then not provide another and then laugh at my misfortune. He is a provider. And I chose to trust that he would provide for me in this situation too.

I won't lie. There were moments in days when my faith would waver. When the reality of moving across the country to end up who-knows-where doing who-knows-what seemed a bit overwhelming. But I continued to take it to God in prayer and let it go. I refused to let myself be bogged down for long. (Though I'm sure my friends can attest to a few "freak out" moments.)

Not too long after I was back in Ontario, I was enjoying a beautiful afternoon at the beach. That day, I kind of gave up. I told God that I felt like I had exhausted every possibility of finding a job that seemed to fit with the gifts he's given me and the calling I've felt on my life. I told him that I was giving up on looking for work; I didn't know what else to do, where else to apply. When I got back later that afternoon there was an email waiting for me inviting me to interview for the position at Eden.

I hadn't even realized that a position had become available, but as soon as I read that email I laughed. I thought, 'Ok, God. I get it. Thank you.' I knew that this was my answer, and he was being faithful to my obedience in following him into the mystery.

I am so blessed.

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."
~Hebrews 11:6

.road trip!.

2010-07-23T15:51:00.002-06:00

During the Canada Day long weekend, Kim had a few days off and agreed to accompany me on my cross-country move back to Ontario. We crossed through 4 provinces and 4 states in 3 days, and have some stories and pictures to prove it.
Day 1:
We left Calgary for Winnipeg. Thankfully, although we saw evidence of the flooding, the highway had reopened by the time we needed to go through.

We discovered that Swift Current may possibly be one of the last places in Canada that we'd actually want to live. We grabbed some lunch at their local "Wheatland Mall" and realized that we did not fit in. (That was a common theme of much of the trip.)

The drivers in Saskatchewan were exceptionally bad. 5 or 6 times various transport truck drivers decided to cross over a few lanes of oncoming traffic travelling at 120 km/hr and then stop and simply block the lanes before turning left. Seriously? The first time we just thought it was a random incident of a bad driver, but it kept happening again and again and again!
The best part about Saskatchewan was we stopped for a few minutes in Regina and I got to see Mel! YAY! Miss you, Mel.

From the little I've seen of Saskatchewan and Manitoba, I like Manitoba better. It's a bit more interesting to look at. More trees. More lakes. MORE MOSQUITOES. Ok, that part, I'm not such a huge fan.
We stayed just outside of Winnipeg the first time, with Kim's friend Kurtis who just bought a farm. And some goats.
Day 2:
We headed to Otterburne before crossing the border, because I couldn't imagine coming so close and then not seeing the school from which I graduated. (Seeing the entire campus took less than a minute, with the foot hovering the brakes.)

On our way there, we were caught in the middle of a wicked storm. I do mean wicked. I slowed down significantly because the rain was so heavy it was difficult to see far ahead. At one point we saw headlights coming towards us, then lightning strike, and the headlights go out. We pulled over. When we continued, we wanted to see if the people in the car were ok, but when we passed where the car had been...there was no car! So we might have witnessed a car being incinerated by lightning. (Or, truthfully, we don't have a clue what actually happened.)
By the time we got to Otterburne we had passed the storm, and the rest of our drive was sunny, hot, and much less buggy.

We breezed through the border into North Dakota, where we also did not fit, then continued on to Minnesota. Guess what? We didn't fit in there either.

But we did meet a giant roadside fish!

When we were in Duluth we were looking for a restaurant. Kim had been telling me about an American chain where they have a cheap salad buffet, and you can get all kinds of all-you-can-eat salads, and it sounded so delicious, and we were quite disappointed when the guy at the gas station had never even heard of it. I then asked a ridiculous question: do you have any restaurants with salad buffets? Kim almost died choking back her laughter. Note to self: never ask a vegetarian question in Minnesota. We ended up going to a local restaurant whose owners buy local food, and it was both affordable and delicious.
Continuing on to Wisconsin we took photos at a cheese store, which sadly wasn't open, and drove until we reached some random town along Lake Superior and found a cheap motel.

Day 3:
Head out early! Crossed into Michigan. We went through a town called Christmas. It had a giant Santa.

It was a pretty drive. We discovered a lot of Michigonians(?) are Lutheran. Or at least, Lutheran churches are most prevalent in the midwest. It felt like we were in Michigan for a long time, but the lakes and trees and winding road kept it interesting.
And then finally we were at the border!

A rude shock upon arriving in Sault St. Marie: gas was $1.10/L! We pressed on, hoping to reach South Baymouth before the last ferry took off for Tobermory. We also discovered a town called Spanish, and then shortly thereafter, a town called Espanola. (I am told that because it doesn't have the ~ over the n, you don't pronounce it the Spanish way, but still. Kind of funny.)
Someday I may go back to Manitoulin Island and explore or go for a day hike or something (except the ferry is rather expensive, so maybe for more than a day. Or not drive over.) because it was pretty, but we were rushing to make the ferry. Kim had doubts. I was determined. And. We made it! Barely. But we made it.
We got some supper on the Chi Cheemaun and tried to nap a bit. But it was COLD. When we got off the boat, my gas tank was hovering on empty, but every gas station we passed was closed; I guess pay-at-the-pump hasn't made it that far. But, we made it home (whew) and my parents did not wake up with our arrival (around 1:30am). Which means, they shrieked (read: mom shrieked) upon discovering me the next morning.
Day 4:

The next day we (mostly just Kim, actually) slept in and then I took her around town and to Sauble Beach. Oh, how I had missed that beach!

We also stopped by Inglis Falls briefly, and headed to the drive-in for a couple of shows, since Kim hadn't been to a drive-in movie before.
Day 5:
We went to church, had lunch, then I drove Kim to the airport to fly back to Calgary. I went to my sister's for a bit, and then drove back to my parents' place.
And the sadness hit me and I cried.
Thankfully, Meera called me and cheered me up with talk of home. (I say "home" very loosely, because I don't really know where "home" is...but at that moment, "home" was Calgary.)

.water valley rodeo.

2010-06-06T15:41:00.000-06:00

As my time in Calgary is drawing to a close (eek!) I'm trying to cram in all the things I never got around to in the past 4 years. (I know, it's so wise to procrastinate on life, right? oops!)
Yesterday, Amy and I went out to the Water Valley Rodeo.

Getting to Water Valley was easy, since it's right down the road from Amy's camp and she could get there "in her sleep," but finding the rodeo grounds was a bit of a different story. We drove for a while on the road that turned into gravel and dirt, but there was really no traffic so we became concerned that we were way off the map. We turned around, and immediately noticed a truck towing a horse trailer going to where we'd just left. Since there was only one, we shrugged it off, assuming it was heading to a nearby ranch, and continued back from whence we'd come. After passing a few more vehicles, a few with families inside, and a few more horse trailers, we turned back around again. If we'd kept going for literally 20 more seconds before turning around the first time, we would have arrived at the rodeo. Oh well, we paid our money, parked, and claimed some great seats at the top of the covered bleachers (so we had a back rest).

Wisely, we brought a blanket and umbrellas with us as well. When the sun was shining and the wind wasn't blowing, it was quite warm. Unfortunately, those moments were few and far between.
We stayed for almost the entire show, leaving just before the last team calf roping and last bull rides.
My favourite part was the wild horse race. So crazy! Men being dragged across the arena barely holding on to a rope attached to a horse's neck, desperately trying to calm the horse down enough to put a saddle and rider on it. I don't think any of the teams actually made it to the end of the course (they had to ride around a barrel and back to the other end) but there were a few teams who came close (they rode around the barrel but couldn't quite make it to the other end). It was chaotic, but fun. And dangerous. Every once in a while when a galloping horse passed, a bunch of the men frantically climbed the fence to get out of the way.
The steer riding was cool too --except one kid got his hand stepped on. And at one point another guy had to be taken away by stretcher. The rodeo may be kind of cool to watch, but it also seems quite dangerous. Maybe you have to be slightly crazy (or else have a dopamine addiction) to do it.
The cutest part of the day were the little kids mutton busting. Apparently the best technique for staying on a sheep is to grab on to the side.

I didn't end up taking many photos, mostly because I didn't feel like moving (I was huddled in a blanket) but enjoy these few.

.highlight.

2010-06-02T20:32:00.001-06:00

My favourite Community Supper moment happened tonight.

It began a few months ago, when Christina and Nicholas and Victoria moved and then had a housewarming party. Unfortunately I had to work and was unable to attend, but other members of my small group, including Evan, were able to check it out. While they were there, Nicholas played Dance Mix '95 and taught Evan and Nadia some sweet dance moves, making them promise to dance at community supper with him sometime.

Last month Nick didn't bring the CD, so Nadia and Evan got out of it.

Tonight, Nick brought the CD.

After dinner he and Evan provided a show, as they danced to Whigfield's Saturday Night. There were some high stars, low stars, high arm rolls, low arm rolls, the classic 80's dance moves. And then, to make the moment that much more glorious, 6 little boys joined in. They added straight arm pumps, the disco move, and they even brought out the sprinkler.

Amazing.

.job hunt.

2010-05-31T17:34:00.013-06:00

In the past, I've been blessed to have had jobs offered to me, with very little effort on my behalf in finding them. Having given in notice at my job, I am faced for the first time with the difficult task of applying for jobs and facing rejection.

Benefits:

having been actively recruited in the past, I have higher confidence that people will want to hire me
I have great work experience and excellent references

Challenges:

I have little to no interview experience
I don't really know how to "brag subtly" about myself, or advertise myself as a desirable candidate

Mostly so far I have struggled to find posted positions that I would love, and even after applying I have been rejected (for lacking male genitalia, and for various unknown reasons) and have only actually gotten one interview. I keep trying not to get my hopes up too high, but with each application, I picture myself in the job, and some of them I would really love.

Anyhow, at this point I just have to wait and keep putting myself out there. I am certain that something great will work out. God is faithful.

.april.

2010-04-27T21:42:00.003-06:00

I can't believe April is almost gone already.
I started off well for me --in Cuba!
I've been enjoying spring (but not so much the random spring storms) and have been spending more time outside.
Janet and I even revisited the stop-by one Saturday night. She had just gotten her motorcycle back from the shop and we rode around visiting I think about 10 different places (although a few people weren't home). So lovely.
It has recently hit me that I'm only here for 2 more months, so I'm trying to spend as much time with my friends as I can. I'm really going to miss them.
Why am I moving again? Why am I leaving a stable job? To move to Ontario where there are no jobs? (I just looked through over 1,000 postings and NONE of them interested me in the slightest, or was in my area of expertise. I'm still praying that I'll get one that I've already applied for.)
Oh right, I'm learning to trust. Life is a journey...and sometimes it's dark and the road bends and you haven't a clue what's ahead.
Might as well just keep going forward, cuz there's no sense stopping and hoping the darkness will just pass and the road will somehow straighten.

.welcoming in spring.

2010-03-21T15:48:00.003-06:00

This weekend was so pleasant!
The weather was great, and I spent some time with friends.
I got to meet my friend Jen's new baby, Caris. It was lovely to catch up with Jen a bit too.
Then I went to my friend Dustin's art show. He has this one art piece that's a bunch of crushed coloured Christmas lights, and we kept overhearing people commenting that the artist must hate Christmas, which amused us both greatly.
Then I went to an Awaken games night at Amy's where an exciting game of apples to apples lasted long through the night.
I also watched a bit of the Paralympics, which is just incredible to me. (Especially the seeing-impaired skiers!!)
And then Steve, Amy, Ed and I went to an Irish pub and then the CPO. It's nice to feel cultured every once in a while.
Today I did 3 loads of laundry, and then I was planning on walking to an art gallery to see if anyone had out-bid me on a few items, and Amy wanted to come along too. She suggested that I dress up as a 50s housewife for a photo shoot at the laundromat, which was a grand idea. There was a man there who looked at us awkwardly the whole time (PLUS, he had just dumped all my clean laundry out of the dryer, when there were over a dozen other dryers available, which I found rather annoying). And, randomly, Amy knows the owner of the store/gallery we went to, so that was kind of fun too.
The sun is shining. The air is warm. It's officially spring. What more can you ask for?

.spring.

2010-03-14T22:34:00.004-06:00

I know that we'll probably get another blast of winter still, but I have been thoroughly enjoying our mild winter and recent spring-like conditions.

Also, I received spring flowers this week, which helps to excite me about the approaching spring.

This weekend I went for a few walks (I am so blessed to live in such a great area of Calgary!) and also a bike ride. I may or may not have run into dancing roller blade man again today.
I spent part of today reading outside as well. I've picked up Don Miller's "Searching for God Knows What" again. My problem with reading books is that I often forget what they say, but then it's good because I can get "new" insights when I read them again.

It was lovely to finally have a weekend free of plans (and work!) because I was able to relax and just enjoy spring. I can't wait for trees to begin to turn lacy...I love the budding rebirth. I think that I, too, am being refreshed and renewed. I look forward to leaving winter behind.

.self-esteem boost.

2010-02-26T10:04:00.003-07:00

Sometimes being a guest speaker is really great for my self-esteem.

At the end our our presentations, we pass around evaluations for the students to fill out (and separate ones for the teachers). It's a way for us to see what the kids are learning/picking up and how effective we're being.

Yesterday a student in gr. 7 learned that he should "not try to be someone else." What a great lesson for him to have learned!

There's also a spot on the paper where they are asked "would you recommend this presenter" and can circle yes or no. This week in responses I not only got almost all yes's (3 boys said no, which isn't a bad ratio out of 220 students), I got a bit extra from some students. One student circled yes, then drew an arrow and wrote "totally!" and circled it. Another student circled "yes" and wrote "x10!" and another guy said "yes x2." A bunch of people circled "yes" multiple times. One girl put stars next to her very circled "yes" and wrote "so great!" Another heavily circled yes had a note underneath saying "She's awesome! (and pretty)"

Also, one student told me that I gave the BEST sex ed talk ever! I'll take that!

I haven't recently had any students tell me I deserve a raise, but those comments always make me smile.

It's great that there's always a silver lining that can be found in the midst of a really crazy week.

.stories from a sex ed presenter.

2010-02-10T13:27:00.002-07:00

As a guest speaker for human sexuality, I often have amusing things happen in my classrooms. Here are a few recent anecdotes. (I need to start writing them down more often, because I tend to forget them because I'm just so used to random comments and funny things happening.)

The other day as he was leaving the room, a boy in grade 7 commented, "You make learning about sex fun!" which I took as a great compliment.

I had a girl ask me, in all seriousness, "Can you get pregnant by swimming in a pool?" I assured her that although sperm are good swimmers, they're not that good. They don't have radar that helps them find vaginas.

While discussing reproduction, a student asked me how the X-men got their powers.

When I talk about condoms, I mention that although they reduce risk of pregnancy and STIs, they're not perfect. Especially because some STIs are transferred by skin to skin contact, and condoms aren't a fully body wet suit. After saying this one time, I had a high school boy say, "Well, what if I wrapped myself up in seran wrap?" I looked at him and said, "Do you really think some girl is gonna wanna get with you when you're covered in seran wrap?" and he thought about it for a second and said, "You're right. How about tin foil?"

.God doesn't should on me.

2010-01-19T08:32:00.001-07:00

I'm embracing the freedom of his love.

.winter hit.

2009-12-14T16:33:00.002-07:00

So this weekend Edmonton was the coldest place in Canada, hitting -46 (-59 with windchill)!
Thankfully, I was in Calgary, staying warm and cozy in my apartment (yes, with the yuletide fireplace channel on tv. I am a nerd). Jenn and I ventured out to a mall on Saturday, which was a bad idea considering all the crazy Christmas shoppers. But other than the parking being insane, the mall itself wasn't terribly busy, and we had some success finding sales for ourselves. (And yes, I do feel slightly selfish to have gone shopping for myself at Christmas time, but I haven't neglected my Christmas shopping, I was just really on top of it this year.)
On Saturday night I went to the Awaken Christmas party (we rocked some karaoke), on Sunday I stayed home all day and set up our psychedelic Christmas tree and baked muffins, and then went to church.
And then Monday arrived, in its glory.
Erm...
My car is currently dead. Will not start. Steve suggested that I try swearing, as that may help. I decided not to take him up on his suggestion, and the booster cables also let me down. I tried calling AMA, putting that trusty CAA card into use...but their phone lines were busy. Too busy to even get put on hold. And then I got through once, to be put on hold, and they randomly hung up on me. And since I don't feel like waiting until midnight for them to fix my car, which is probably when they'd be able to get around to it, I'm going to "do as Calgarians do" and wait for a chinook. (and also try the jumper cables once more tonight.)
Unfortunately, in the mean time, I still have to go to schools to teach. Thankfully today I could use Jenn's car, and I'll probably have to use it again tomorrow. But I NEED my car to be working on Wednesday, because I'm going to be teaching in Carstairs, and she'll be teaching in Calgary at the same time.
So it's somewhat annoying that my car is dead, but not the end of the world.
But shortly after arriving at work, Jenn came running down the hall with the news that the bathroom is leaking sewage. Gross. The pipes froze, and the sewage is backing up into the bathrooms. So we immediately made some calls, but ultimately ended up having to close the Centre for the day. (It's tough to do pregnancy tests without access to bathrooms...)
The plumber did make it to the Centre to fix it...but apparently the leakage has spread into the classroom. Where we were supposed to hold our client Christmas party tomorrow. Not to worry, we have a backup location at a church just a few blocks down on the C-train line...but this complicates things greatly. We have TONS of presents and decorations and things to move there tomorrow, plus we'll have to redirect all our clients to the party.
Also, we've been calling the appointments to try to reschedule them, as well as continuing to make new appointments with clients phoning in today. Normally we've got an office full of people answering phones all day; today it was just Jenn.
So thank you, winter, for the chaos you have provided. You certainly keep life interesting!

.the end of an era.

2009-11-23T22:28:00.002-07:00

I'm done with chicken wings.

Don't get me wrong, I think they're quite delicious. If I'm at a party and they're already made, I may indulge (hey, the chickens are already dead, nothing can be done at that point) but I'm done with buying them myself.

Tonight Tina and I grabbed some wings at a pub. They were only 30 cents because the Flames were playing, so we figured, why not? But they were big. I mean, the bones were the same size as normal, but these wings were meaty.

I began to think about these chickens being "raised" in crates stacked on top of each other, being pooped on by other chickens, being so overfed that their legs couldn't support them just so we could enjoy wings, while they had absolutely no quality of life. How many chickens die for wing nights? Way too many.

So I decided I'm done with them.

.Remembrance Day.

2009-11-13T15:57:00.005-07:00

On Remembrance Day, Helen and I were wandering Bowness, taking photos. As I was photographing a little junkyard, a woman passed by and incredulously remarked, "are you taking photos of junk?" to which I replied, "yes, I am." She was shocked. "Why would you do that?" "Well, I'd like to find the beauty in the midst of it all."
I feel like that's a big theme in my life --looking for beauty in the junk and mess of life. Meera often points this out in her stories of people she observes and interacts with in East Hastings, and I am always full of hope in the midst of the despair after hearing (or reading) her stories. But I also want to find the beauty in the mess of my own life, as well as the people and places around me.
So, I decided to take photos of a junkyard. I can't say as I find any of my photos of it very beautiful. The pictures are busy with colour and shape mishmashed together in broken pieces. Yet, I wonder, if each piece was taken away from the rest of the junk, would there be more beauty in it as an individual? Can you find the beauty if you look closely enough? Or is there beauty in the fact that the brokenness has found a home together?
Remembrance Day is an interesting day for me. It's good to remember the soldiers who have fought for justice and freedom, losing lives, limbs, hearts, and families for the sake of others. But it's also the anniversary of my grandpa's death, and so on this day especially, I remember him. Although Remembrance Day is often sad, there is a beauty of hope in it.
Today, I feel sad, but I am determined to search for the beauty, to learn from the mess, to fully embrace life in its ups and downs.

.grand gesture.

2009-11-01T20:40:00.002-07:00

Last week was a very busy week with work...lots of classes, plus the banquet. I guess I had mentioned that a few weeks ago and Ed remembered. When I got home from my 14 hour day on Tuesday he came by with homemade soup and fruit and bread and only-slightly-outdated yoghurt. It made me feel so cared for! I love my family at Awaken...I think we are becoming such a wonderful community. Thanks!

.peace in the fear.

2009-10-18T16:08:00.001-06:00

I've been auditing a theology of suffering course this fall. As expected, I am being challenged, not only on my view of suffering, but also on my view of God.
I've been struggling with holding together seemingly contradictory parts of God. I don't know what to do with some of this, and I don't feel safe with God sometimes.
I don't really know how to put this all into words. (and I love words!)
When I was at spiritual direction earlier this week God gave me an image (which I don't know how to describe in writing). And although in some ways I still feel very unsettled, I also feel more at peace.
I don't know the answers to my questions. And my head doesn't even want the answers. It's my heart that needs to experience them. And I am trusting and believing that God will come through for me.
I know this to be true, in my head, and now my heart is on a journey of discovery with God. And yes, sometimes it may be scary, but my heart won't rest without continuing on. I am excited for the journey, wherever it takes me, and I am learning to trust God through my fear.

Merciful God, shine your light of truth into me in the coming weeks and months, that I might more clearly understand what you're like and how you see me. Let my fears and pride be exposed for what they are, and keep them from distorting my picture of who you are. Give me courage, that I might face my true self, and hope, that I might face you. Help me see in you what Habakkuk saw, that "as you bring judgment, as you surely must, remember mercy." Amen.

.amsterdam.

2009-09-09T12:19:00.003-06:00

I arrived in Schiphol on Saturday morning after a slightly uncomfortable flight...and hopped on a train to Amsterdam Centraal. Then I walked the familiar streets to the Shelter City (only the Zeedijk is under construction and is all torn up, which makes pulling a suitcase somewhat challenging) where Jacoline was working a reception shift. I relaxed in the cafe for a while and chatted with one of the cleaners. After Jaco's shift, we grabbed her bike, Marco's bike, and my stuff and set off for her house. It was a bit difficult because we had to carry my suitcase along, and Marco's bike had a flat tires, not to mention the construction along the way (apparently Amsterdam decided to do a whole lot of construction at once!) but we made it. There I met Jan Pieter, Jaco's husband, got settled, and had lunch. Their apartment is really cute, and they made me feel right at home. We were talking about what I do, and I gave them a shortened version of the relationship triangle (keep in mind that this was on no sleep...) because apparently I really can't leave work behind me. Later JP's brother and his girlfriend joined us and we walked around a bit, went to a cafe, then came home to make dinner. I was really, really tired by now, but I stayed up until about 9:45 I think...I figured that I had been up for about 30 hours. Het is niet goed!

I slept really really well that night, and just relaxed on Sunday morning while Jaco and JP were at their Dutch-speaking church. Then I hung out with Ben at his house for the afternoon. We talked about life and relationships, and, of course, camera stuff. It was good. Unfortunately Teri was feeling sick, so I didn't really see her at all, but that's ok. Ben drove me back to Jaco's and we tried quickly to pump Marco's tire so I could use his bike to get to church, but it didn't work (we needed the french tip) so I borrowed Jaco's and set off for the Zolder...in the kelder. I got there a bit late, but that's ok. It was a good service, and I got to see so many old friends! I also saw many of them again on Saturday, so it was cool to see them twice. Elliot did not remember me at all, but he certainly wasn't shy about becoming instant friends! The Asp's have cool kids and it was neat to see them older (and to meet Cor for the first time!).

On Monday Jaco and I went to the Albert Cuyp Markt where I got the majority of my souvenirs. Sadly, the stroopwafel guy was not there (that's 2 years in a row I have missed him!) but I did take my picture with Andre Hazes, hahaha. Jaco and I fixed Marco's flat tire which, oddly enough, did not have a hole in it. In the afternoon we went boating on the grachts, and the weather was so sunny and beautiful...it was a lovely relaxing time. On our way to the boat I was riding Marco's bike, which is way too tall for me, and I dismounted rather smoothly, landing on both feet, but in the car lane...so Jacoline and I switched bikes. But she also couldn't ride it, so we parked his bike, and she and JP ended up sharing his bike as we went. After the boat trip we went to Dwaze Zaken for dinner and a little concert. It was fun to be back there again (and no, I did not take the stereotypical bathroom photo there. but probably I should have).

On Tuesday I headed over to the Jordan to see Ewout. It was, as usual, wonderful to talk with him again. I also talked with Jacob for a while, so that was nice too. The staff there right now are really friendly, and I just relaxed in the cafe and the garden for a while and read my book. It felt like home. After that, I went to the library...wow, that place is huge! I can see why people like to go there to hang out. For supper we made a lekker salade and ate it outside by the Amstel at the launching docks for the rowers. Then we went back and watched a movie, and then we played Uno and the Dutch version of Dutch Blitz, which is exactly the same only it's called Ligretto and the cards don't have little Dutch people on them. I schooled JP and Jaco at Ligretto, but they both schooled me at Uno.

On Wednesday I slept in, which was really nice because my throat started hurting (I was really hoping the Cold FX would pull through for me). In the early afternoon I met Samira at the Cafe de Jaren where we sat on the patio on the gracht. After that, we walked along the Kalverstraat so she could return some boots, and then we headed back towards Jacoline's. We stopped to grab a late lunch at Amstel Haven, a cafe on the water, and het was heel lekker! Then we got back to the apartment and I cut Samira's hair (just like old times, haha). Jaco and JP had small group coming that night, so I helped prep a bit for dinner (Meera, I chopped the vegetables. apparently that is my food prep calling, haha) and set the table. I hid away during their small group so they could chat in Dutch without feeling obligated to translate (plus, I really have no vested interest in helping them decide when and how often to meet). I really think I should have learned Dutch when I lived here. At least I can pronounce the language well...

On Thursday I did a bit of shopping (I tried to find the book Dat is Gevaarlijk with no luck, but I did get Marco and Claudia's wedding present) and then sat by the Amstel writing postcards and reading a bit. I enjoyed a delicious dinner at Eric and Marci's. We taught the kids the moonwalk (with the help of Michael Jackson and YouTube), and Elliot also began to learn how to walk/dance on his hands. It was lovely to catch up with them.

On Friday I walked to the market to buy Jaco and JP some beautiful flowers for their anniversary. Then I hung out with Nynke. We took some touristy photos in/on the I Amsterdam sign, and also ate poffertjes. That night Jaco, JP and I went to a 90's birthday party. As in...we brought out the track suits (i.e. I borrowed bright yellow sweat pants from Jacoline), side ponytails, and Jaco even did the dark lipliner thing (although she actually used eyeliner to do it). It was a pretty loud dance party, and I was thankful that some people came that I know. It was awesome to see Annemarie, since I didn't think I was going to be able to see her. And it was nice to chat with Suzy and Arienne.

On Saturday we tried to go to the Palace and up the Westerkerk tower, but we were too late to book them, so we went to another church (where we found a quilt on the wall on which someone had penned "Nynke") and a garden. It was nice to hang out with Marco and Nynke (again) but then I had to leave to go to the wedding! Marco and Claudia had a lovely wedding, and although it was all in Dutch and German, I could follow right along thanks to Eric's English translation. The party afterwards in the H88 was very fun too, and I got to chat with Kor and Gerard for a bit, which was cool, cuz I haven't seen either of them since I lived there (last summer they weren't around when I visited). I also got to chat with Heidi for a while which was lovely. So yeah, it was great to catch up with people again, as well as to celebrate Marco and Claudia. I'm so happy I could be part of their special day!

On Sunday morning I went out for breakfast with Rosemary (although everywhere was closed and it took us some effort to find a place that was open) and it was great, cuz last summer we only had the chance to talk briefly on the phone, not to actually see each other. After breakfast I dropped her off (late, oops!) for church and walked back to Jaco's and JP's to say goodbye. Then I walked for an hour to Centraal Station, pulling my luggage. I'm glad I walked, though, so I could say goodbye to the city. I know, I'm a cheesy romantic like that, and in reality my hands began to blister, but it was still totally worth it.

And I have to say that it didn't rain the whole time I was there! Do you realize how amazing that is? So I feel very blessed to have had the opportunity to have such a wonderful vacation.

.seattle and onward.

2009-08-27T16:55:00.004-06:00

Oh man...I have been remiss in my blogging as of late...considering Amy and I roadtripped back in...May? And school is already back in. *sigh*
So...Seattle. After Cannon Beach we headed back north, and we found Eric's relative's house where we were staying, but no one was home, so we decided to hit up a mall to kill a bit of time. There we discovered stirrup pants. But I also found very beautiful shoes that make me feel sexy, and Amy and I found a few tops and stuff, so it was good time killing...even if not financially.
Amy called Eric's relatives, but the only name she had was Ruth, and a guy answered the phone. Amy's connection wasn't very good and she couldn't hear a voice, just that the phone stopped ringing, so she said "Ruth?" and the guy was like "Nooooo" haha. Anyways, they were super nice, and it was wonderful to stay with them. We also got a personal tour of all the non-downtown touristy sites like Lenin and the troll.
The next day we borrowed change from grandma to take the bus downtown. We went up the tower (way over-rated), took pictures of funky sculptures, walked around Pike Place and saw the original Starbucks, and went on an underground tour. The underground tour was super interesting; I feel like I really learned a lot about the city and how it was founded. Which was mostly funded by prostitutes (aka "seamstresses" with no sewing machines). We walked around hotels where you could pay by the half hour, and one of the guys on the tour quipped that maybe the businessmen just wanted "power naps" haha.
After the tour we wanted to buy flowers for our hosts, but the market was closed, so we found a little flower shop nearby. The man who worked there is a major jerk. He kept insulting us and calling us stupid and ugly. He gave us a discount on the flowers, but if he wasn't the only flower place open we totally would have left.
Anyways, we were trying to find the right bus stop to head back, and it was kind of confusing, but this nice Seattle Ambassador on his bicycle gave us clear directions and we found home easily.
We decided to drive home through Montana, and what a wonderful choice that was! It was a beautiful drive, and I'm fairly certain that I would rather live in hills than mountains now. I mean, mountains are beautiful and stuff, I'm not denying that, but I really loved those hills! We stopped in Kalispell for the night, and chose a hotel with a hot tub and breakfast.
The next day we headed home, but the road was not clearly labelled...plus we didn't have any maps with us. So we drove around trying to steal wireless internet to check out google maps, haha. We were successful!
Then we wanted to go on Going to the Sun Road, but it didn't open until June, so we were given general directions of "keep going for a while, when you see this, veer left, but not sharp left" etc. But first we stopped to get huckleberry somethings...there was a store full of huckleberry honey, huckleberry jam, huckleberry tea, etc.
On our way we saw some really cool trees and stopped to climb them.
Our wait at the border was non-existent which was lovely.
And then we stopped at Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump to take some photos.

So...it was a lovely road trip. We had lots of adventures, but I must say...I'm glad to finally be done blogging about it! haha.

.cannon beach.

2009-08-04T21:38:00.002-06:00

So...back to my road trip.
Amy and I left Portland to drive on a beautiful road to Cannon Beach. We got there, drove to Sarah's house to make sure we could find it, and then went back downtown hoping to find a bathroom. It began to rain so we decided to duck into stores until we found one with a bathroom. We went into one that had some amazing photography and paintings, and there was a cafe in it too, but it was closed. But we still got to use the bathroom, cuz the lady there took pity on us. Then we went next door to the next store, and as we were browsing around all of a sudden I heard Sarah's voice, and she was like "Meghan? What are you doing here?" It was awesome...we accidentally bumped into her at her job when I didn't even know she worked in a store there. So then Amy and I kept wandering around in art galleries and shops until Sarah got off work.
We went to a local restaurant for dinner, and as we were leaving the guy working there was like, "see you later!" and I said, "probably not!" but it was supposed to be under my breath. Oops! It was bad though, cuz I think Sarah was shooting his son's wedding the next weekend.
She's got the cutest little house right near the beach. Oh, I adore walking barefoot on a beach! Bliss. It was really cold that night though, so we bundled up before our walk on the beach. We saw some crazy kid dive repeatedly into the ocean, and I chased some seagulls.
It was too cold to go surfing, plus there were sharks apparently, so the next day Amy and I naturally decided to go to a cheese factory instead. The Pacific Coast Highway is gorgeous. We had a nice drive, and we pulled over to stop at a thrift store. We parked at a deserted pizza place next door to it, and this guy popped his head out the window to yell at us for taking parking spots from his non-existent customers. We told him we wouldn't be long, and he said, "half an hour?" and I said, "probably 5 minutes?" and, well, based on the incredible finds at the thrift store, my guess was a lot more accurate than his, haha.
Oh, at one point we saw a cop driving behind us, so Amy put on the cruise control at the speed limit to make sure he couldn't pull her over. But he put on his flashing lights anyways and pulled us over after a few minutes. We were pretty confused as to why, and kind of freaking out a little, but as he approached the car he looked pretty sheepish. He told her not to bother getting her license out or anything and that we could just keep going. I guess he ran our plates and didn't notice that they weren't from Oregon, but my license plate is the same as a stolen vehicle in Oregon.
That night after a delicious dinner we set out to make a fire on the beach. Sarah had claimed a fire pit near her house as her own for the summer after some college students built it a few weeks earlier, but her recycling had just been picked up and we didn't have any paper to start the fire. We had some wood, but only little pieces for making a teepee, nothing really to burn once the fire got going. Plus it was really windy. So we searched in the dark on the beach for things to burn, and Sarah went to get cardboard boxes from her store. Mostly the fire was a cardboard fire, haha, but we did get a pretty decent blaze going after a while. Fire + beach + stars = great night.
We also went for a hike with Sarah down a cliff near God's Finger, and we got some fun pics. It was so great to see her again! It was a quick visit, but totally worth it. I love that girl!

.mystery.

2009-07-02T08:16:00.004-06:00

God is Mystery. It's a part of him that I tend to wrestle with when asking the "why" questions. But it's also something I'm incredibly thankful for. If God weren't Mystery, then we could fully understand him. And if we could fully comprehend him, then he wouldn't be very big. And if he weren't very big then what could he do, and why would I waste my time worshiping him, or even trying to get to know him?
So Mystery is something I will embrace, because even though it means I do not and will not understand, and I may never have answers, that is a lot more satisfying. I am glad God is Mystery, that God is big, and that nothing is mystery to him.

.oops.

2009-06-28T17:01:00.003-06:00

me: so...I may or may not have just flashed some Mormon missionaries...
Jenn: nice work! good for you!
Amy: haha, that's fantastic!
...changing on your balcony? i'm confused how this could happen
me: wrap dress and wind
Amy: ah. that'll do it

.happy fathers' day.

2009-06-21T13:44:00.002-06:00

Dad,

A few years ago I was seeing a counsellor who asked me about you. After a few minutes he looked at me and said, "Well, you're never going to get married. Your dad ruined you because you'll never find a man as amazing as your father."

That wasn't really what I wanted to hear, but he's right that you're a really special dad and I'm so thankful for you.

I loved our Saturday morning breakfast dates at McDonald's, just the two of us. I still can't believe you coached my soccer team when you were the father of the worst player on it, but you encouraged me and made me feel like I was actually decent (I don't really know how I believed that considering in all those years I never once scored a goal).

Thanks for putting up the bookshelves in my room with me. That was a really fun project/birthday present and I was so excited to spend time with you, and also use power tools. Except I don't think you let me use them, just hold the wood, haha. Which probably just goes to show your wisdom. And also your patience with me.

Thanks for encouraging my love of reading and of learning. I loved going to the ROM or Science Centre or Casa Loma as a kid (let's face it, I'd still love them today) and learning about all sorts of things. Thanks for taking turns with mom reading out loud to us after dinner. That was always my favourite time of the day.

I know you've taught me a hundred times when to say "bring" and when to say "take" but I still say it wrong sometimes. But although that lesson may not have sunk in as much as you would have liked, another one did. I can still hear your voice admonishing me to "think before you speak, Meghan." I never was good at that, a little too on the impulsive side, but I have tried to take it to heart and consider the impact of my words before verbalising them. I think that has helped me in becoming a counsellor as well. You are a wise man. People listen when you speak because they know that what you have to say is worth listening to. I admire this in you, and hope to live up to it as well.

Thanks for giving us special treats. We always knew you had a bit of a softer spot than mom for letting us eat cookies instead of carrot sticks or something. But it was great, because it made those things a little more special. Even last summer when you and I picked up the kayaks, you got us hot chocolate and chips for our ride home. Good thing mom wasn't there to object, haha.

I have always looked forward to seeing you. I remember racing to be the first to see you when you got home from work every night. I always knew I could get a quick hug before running back to the dinner table. And I don't think I ever understood how hard you worked for us. But I thank you so much for all the sacrifices you made for us, to make our lives a little easier.

I never realized how stressful and scary it must have been when we moved to Owen Sound and you had to support our family with very little support around for you. But I'm so glad you followed God's leading, and I'm so glad to have grown up in such a wonderful town. Thanks for setting such a great example of a man who follows after God's heart, even when it doesn't always make sense or it's hard or scary.

Because you are so steady, I always know I can turn to you. Even if you shake your head at me because I am ridiculous, you are always there. Thank you.

Daddy, I love you!
~Megs

.ghost town.

2009-06-11T19:05:00.003-06:00

So after Vancouver we drove down to Portland. First we stopped at the outlet mall near Seattle that Jenn raved about. She wanted me to buy her a coach purse, but they were all ugly. I mean, I don't really understand the whole coach/name brand thing to start off with but they did not look good. But I did find some pretty shoes. I do have an issue with shoes. I just love them so much!
Anyways, by the time we made it through terrible traffic on the Monday of the memorial day weekend, it was evening, and we hadn't planned where to stay. So we drove downtown to the peach district I had been told to visit, and popped into a Safeway to ask for directions to a cheap hotel nearby. The first 3 people we talked to all commuted in and didn't know, but one guy offered to use the GPS on his phone. I'm not really sure how that would help since we had no location, but maybe you can search for hotels and things on that? I don't know how they work. But anyways, one of the ladies at the customer service directed us over a bridge and thought there might be some hotels nearby, and sure enough there was one! However, when I saw it Iturned left into it on a street where I wasn't allowed to turn left. Oops! Nothing happened, so it was fine. There was a really cute Indian man who worked there who was a recent immigrant. I asked him if they accepted air miles, and he checked his list of acceptable credit cards and said no, just Visa, Mastercard, and AmEx.
We had a nice walk around town that evening, and nothing was open. There were no people around, except for the bikers who almost knocked us over repeatedly on the bridge. We found one cafe open, and the guy was really nice. We walked around and looked in the windows of a whole bunch of art galleries and made sure to check them out the next day.
The next day when we went to the galleries, there was one that had an amazing windown display but the display inside, about books, kind of traumatized us. We went in other galleries which were really great, and one that had some pieces by Picasso and Salvador Dali! But even on this day, the city felt abandoned, and there weren't many people around. We had lunch in a cute little tea restaurant, and then headed for Cannon Beach.

.stranger with your door key explaining that i'm just visiting.

2009-06-03T21:37:00.002-06:00

First Leg:
So Amy and I recently went on a delightful road trip.
We left Friday morning and drove to B.C. This road had construction. And slow-moving cars. Which was really just a sign of things to come. Anyways, we also almost hit some elk that decided to chill in the middle of the highway. They are bright creatures. But thankfully they meandered to the shoulder and we scooted past.
There was no "WELCOME TO BC" sign for me to take a picture with, which was kind of sad. But we stopped in Golden for lunch and took pics with an inuksuk. The lady at the A&W was super friendly and promised to look into why iced tea costs 5 or 10 cents (or whatever the difference is) more than other pop.
Then we went out for dinner with Amy's sister and bro-in-law in Abbotsford at White Spot. They forgot my cashews in my salad, so I asked my waitress to please bring them to me on the side. She forgot, so she said she'd give me a discount. I figured that meant a few bucks, but didn't charge me for my salad at all! Free dinner is a great way to start a vacation, I must say.
We continued on to Vancouver where we followed a treasure map to find the keys to my friend Josh's apartment. Unfortunately he and his wife had left for vacation earlier that day so we didn't get to see them, but at least we had a little adventure getting in. We had to go to the south side of the building, to the garden, look under a blue milk crate, and then under a rock where the keys were resting amidst some dirt and earwigs.
Their apartment is super cute, and in a great area of town. And on one bookshelf all their books are arranged by colour. It was really pretty, even if that is pretty random. So we had a welcome letter from Josh with a long list of things we might need to know, which was pretty sweet. And it made me laugh. Apparently I hadn't mentioned that I was travelling with a female friend and he clarified that house rules were such that the bed could not be shared by unmarried people of the opposite gender.
We went for a few nice walks, we parked downtown and walked to Granville Island (which we made it to eventually...), and then we went to Stanley Park. I took some pictures of Amy in buttercups and told her to put one under her chin. She had no idea what I meant. I was like, you know, do you like butter? And she was like, what the heck? Apparently there aren't any buttercups in Alberta. Or Saskatchewan (Jenn hasn't heard of this either). But other people we talked to totally knew what I was talking about, and we found an old poster of it in a cheese factory in Oregon a few days later, so I felt less crazy. In Stanley Park we took pictures of the totem poles, and, well...like father like daughter. Let's just say I got some strange/disgusted looks by an elderly couple as I pretended to defile one. As we were walking around there were some rude bikers who rushed at us from the roller blade lane (the roller blade lane was supposed to justify their presence). We also watched some sea planes taking off near a lighthouse, and then we went and played frisbee before heading back home. We made the most delicious pesto pizza with sundried tomatos and pesto we'd found at the market in Granville Island.
On Sunday we brought a blanket and the guitar to the park where we sang songs until we were forced to relocate due to a softball game. There was a guy on the one team who actually had the baseball socks. We thought it was really fun, and we wanted to get a picture of him, so we may or may not have looked slightly creepy trying repetively to get a good shot, haha.
Then Amy went and visited with some old friends from Bible college, and I went to Andy Lambkin's church with Jonathan and Judith. It was great to seem them (again) and I also really enjoyed their church.
After church I went and hung out with Amy and her friends. As we were sitting eating pizza in the park, I looked up and there was a guy on the hill wearing crotchless pants. I was somewhat shocked, and I said "That guy has crotchless pants!" and then I realized that he heard me. Oops! Well, if you're going to wear crotchless pants with neon green boxers in public, then you're probably expecting comments, right?
And...that is pretty much the end of our Vancouver adventure. More still to come...

.romance.

2009-05-17T09:41:00.003-06:00

Last night as Amy, Jenn and I were walking back from playing frisbee in Prince's Island Park (I just bought a new frisbee and it's pink and lights up. I know that's ridiculous, but they didn't have any non-lighting-up frisbees, and I figured if it lights up I might as well go all the way girly and get a pink one) and we saw a guy across the river checking his watch.
Amy wondered if maybe he was waiting for someone. I said maybe he just wondered what time the sun was setting. Amy was determined to express that this could be a romantic story. We do tend to have fun making up stories about other people's lives. Anyways, she said that maybe he was waiting for his date. I was like, that's just creepy, meeting a blind date at a river, and Jenn concurred. Poor Amy was frustrated with us ruining her imagined romantic moment. She was like, "No guys, this is supposed to be romantic. You're missing the point. Maybe it was a scavenger hunt and he had her following clues all over the city, and the last clue is supposed to lead her to him!" and we were like Oh! That is so romantic! What a wonderful idea!
I think working at the Pregnancy Care Centre can make us rather cynical and jaded sometimes...

.happy mother's day.

2009-05-10T02:33:00.004-06:00

Mom,
I'm writing this in the middle of the night because I can't sleep. I got food poisoning and I've been emptying my stomach. I can't remember the last time I vomited, which is probably a good thing because I hate it so much, but as awful as it has been tonight, I am also feeling somewhat nostalgic.
I know that I am mature and independent and responsible, but a part of me would like for you to be here right now like you were when I was a child, with a cool hand on my forehead, brushing my hair out of my face and the tears from my cheeks. It's not that I want to go back in time, just that I am becoming more thankful in this moment.
Thank you for those interrupted nights that you sacrificed your sleep to comfort one of us kids when we were sick. (Especially Steps, cuz when he gets sick...he gets sick!)
I think I've taken you and dad for granted a lot. You made so many sacrifices in your career for us. Thank you for staying home for so many years, baking with us, reading with us, encouraging our creativity through play-doh or painting or writing. To this day I miss your home made cinnamon buns, although I know that they often meant a night of insomnia for you. (I really hope that's something I don't inherit.)
I admire you in a lot of ways, mom. You are such a comforter and encourager. I don't think even you could count the number of times you spent your time off visiting someone in the hospital or bringing them flowers at home. You find little ways of making people feel loved and special. I appreciate randomly getting a card in the mail, being reminded that I am in your thoughts, and always in your prayers. Thank you for setting such a wonderful example for me to live up to.
I also admire your dedication and your love for your own mother. I know that it cannot be easy to see her every week, never knowing if she'll remember you or not, but choosing to spend time with her and love her anyways. You bring her a treat from home, either from your garden or your kitchen, and for those few hours you make Grandma feel so loved and valued.
A part of me is scared that when you grow old your mind will slip as well, and although the thought horrifies me, I can say that you have provided me with a beautiful example of how to show you love even if you're not the same mother I've always known.
Thank you.
Love,
Megs

.delightful day.

2009-05-08T23:34:00.001-06:00

So today was absolutely lovely.
I had a great morning, and great classes (even if they were a little on the quiet side) and then Pam's husband Matt had made banana chocolate chip muffins for us all at the Centre, and then I bought a bike. She's beautiful. And her name is Free Spirit. (It's written on the bike, I didn't make that one up. but I like it.)
So Amy came to my office after work, cuz the guy I bought it from lives near downtown so it was a quick drive. I'd found him on Kijiji and he has a ton of bikes for sale, but I'd already figured out which one I really wanted from the pictures. So I called him before I left to make sure he'd be home, and he told me to just come around back and he'd be there. I was making small talk with him because he has like 100 bikes in his backyard in various states of disrepair. I wondered where he found them all, and he got all shifty eyed and vague and answered "You really have to search hard for them." Then he showed me an Amsterdam bike and he said he visits there every year, so I asked him if he got some of these from there, and he said no. So I let it go. I just really hope no one ever comes up to me and asks if I stole their bike!!
Anyways, I don't have any bungee cords which proved to be a problem. We got the bike mostly in my car (I can flip down the back seat) but not quite, so I couldn't shut my trunk. So we wrestled with it some more and Amy ended up cycling to my place. Good thing she came with me! Also, she'd just bought a helmet. For the worriers out there.
Then we decided to grab food at The House because neither of us felt like cooking, plus I have no fresh veggies at the moment, and they make stellar sandwiches. So we got our sandwiches and London Fog's, and as we sat there, this beautiful man joined us. I wish I had a picture of him. He has a wonderful toothless grin, and a very animated face. He looked really old, but we found out he's only 52. He told us that he's pretty shy and is afraid of people, but we had a great chat, so maybe we're just really approachable? He started off his conversation with us by telling jokes that he'd found in Reader's Digest. He wouldn't tell an off-colour joke, like the ones some people might find in Playboy. In fact, he wouldn't even pick that trash up. But it's a good thing we were neither Muslim nor Jewish, and it's a good thing we could understand the Catholic joke even though we're not Catholic ourselves. Also, it's important to be careful who you tell these jokes to, because you might not know if they've got a relative who has Alzheimer's and might become offended. He was a good joke teller though, and had excellent expression.
At one point he asked us what we do. For me that's always a bit of a dangerous question and I never know quite how to answer it. If I say counsellor they might dump all their problems on me, or talk about the people they know who had counselling or need counselling, or rant about how it doesn't help (he'd already made a joke about how counselling doesn't work) and if I say teacher then they'd ask me at what school I work, and since it changes every day that's awkward, and if I say the Pregnancy Care Centre then they tell me their pregnancy issues. This time, I chose simply saying that I work at the Pregnancy Care Centre because it seemed the safest. Oops. He then began telling us that, speaking for himself only, he can't tell you about the other men in the room, he remembers every woman he's ever slept with. One was his common law wife who stayed with him for 3 and a half years. But he remembers them all. But he never had kids of his own, and he knows that for sure. And he figured this out all on his own, no one helped him, and it's because he's an alcoholic. So he's 52 and he's been an alcoholic for 41 years, and drinking every day made his semen come and go, so it was so full of alcohol that it wouldn't impregnate anyone. Sometimes he sees kids and feels sad because he doesn't have any of his own, because he likes kids.
One time, though, he came close to raising kids. It was in the '70s when he was a teenager. He raised huskies. He got his first one when it was 2 weeks old, and he took it right from its mother's nipples. By 6 months, this is how smart dogs are you see, by just six months his dog was so well trained. The dog knew that he wasn't allowed to go on the road. And he never had to use a leash or chain, never. He would go for walks with the dog, and he would walk right next to him, and if he stopped, even in the middle of the street, the dog would lie down and wait, and not get up and move until he moved (this was accompanied by a demonstration in the cafe).
Unfortunately we had to leave, but I do hope we'll run into him again sometime. Which is likely, because this is the only place he'll drink coffee. Never Tim Hortons or Second Cup or Starbucks. And you know why? It's because of the atmosphere at those places. You could overhear anyone there talking about this business deal, and this money loss/gain, but here it's not about the money. That's not the concern. Which I think is a cool observation, because The House definitely does have a different atmosphere (which I guess it should since it's non-profit) and it's also great because this guy is welcomed in with open arms.
Anyways, after this lovely conversation, we went to Eau Claire to see a movie. Sunshine Cleaning. Amazing movie. This has been a good year for movies. Anyways, I loved it. It was quirky and funny and sad (I shed a few tears) and beautiful.
Then we stopped by Steve's for the games night, which apparently was boys' night until we got there. We played a few rounds of 3s and then I needed to call it a night. I get a little loopy when I'm tired. So why am I writing this blog? I don't know. But I do know that my bed is calling my name.
Goeden nacht!

.conversation.

2009-05-06T21:10:00.002-06:00

So tonight at the community supper there was a new lady who I hadn't seen before. I guess she's been a few times, but just not when I've been there. So we were chatting for quite a while, having a lovely conversation about God and faith, and daily life, when all of a sudden she said "You know, your hair cut does nothing for you." I almost laughed out loud right then, but I just said "I totally agree. I just got it cut a few weeks ago but the hairdresser didn't actually do anything and it has no shape." She said, "Sorry, but I'm a hair stylist, and I think you've got great hair, but it definitely needs something more. I'm trying to think of what I would do for you. You need to go find someone who will take your face shape, and your lifestyle needs into consideration and get them to cut it." It was awesome. I love how blunt she was!

.students.

2009-05-04T16:54:00.004-06:00

I had a student adamantly try to convince me today that once people have sex they are in love and can never be in love with anyone else because God has bonded them together and made the two become one soul, and therefore it is actually impossible to fall in love with anyone else.

I also think I set a new record (if that's the appropriate way of putting it) of student become client...taught a class, and within the space of an hour one of the students was at the centre for a pregnancy test. At least I know something I say is effective, and they realize this is a safe place for them to come get help.

Then tonight Amy and I were having an impromptu picnic supper at Bowness Park and a girl came up to me saying "Hey! you taught at my school!" and she seemed a little perturbed that I couldn't recall who she was or what school she was from. I wondered if she was from one of my classes today, but I didn't recognize her, and I usually try to make enough eye contact with each student to be able to recognize them a few days later. Anyways, she told me what school she was from and then we said our farewells, haha. Amy just laughed that all the young people in the city know me.

movies

2009-04-19T14:08:00.004-06:00

I've watched a few good movies this year, and so I thought I'd share my top few with you, in no particular order. Feel free to add your own in the comments section.

1. Gran Torino
This is the most racist movie I have ever seen, but somehow Clint Eastwood's slurs are so over-the-top that it's almost funny. Anyways, it's really cool to see Clint Eastwood's character change throughout the movie to leave his bitter-Korean-war-vet self behind to embrace his Hmong neighbours and eventually (SPOILER) become a sort of Christ-figure in saving them. Very powerful story.

2. Slumdog Millionaire
What can I say about this movie that hasn't already been said? Incredibly sad, incredibly good. And it ends with a great dance sequence to help chase away the lingering depression you feel after watching such resilience through incredible pain.

3. Rachel Getting Married
I really had no expectations before watching this movie except that Anne Hathaway had gotten an Oscar nom. for it. And it was well deserved. A beautiful film about a dysfunctional family trying desperately to be functional without actually dealing with their crap. So, in other words, a story about a regular family (whose crap just looks different than someone else's).

4. One Week
I was very excited to see a Canadian film at a regular theatre in Calgary, and it did not disappoint. Not only does this movie show some great Canadian landscapes, but it also follows the hard and sometimes funny journey of Joshua Jackson's character as he travels west on a motorcycle after receiving news about an extensive cancer in his body, post-poning his treatment to seek the elusive grumps. It's a slow movie and his character isn't the most exciting (nor does he always make the best choices) but I like it because it seems more real. Most people are meaningful without being all that flashy and exciting.

5. The Other Sister
This is an older movie, Tina's favourite. It's a story about two mentally delayed people falling in love and experiencing independence. Juliette Lewis does an incredible job, and it is so easy to fall in love with her endearing character.

hockey

2009-04-15T08:10:00.005-06:00

So I have entered a hockey pool for the playoffs. I know that if I have any readers, you're probably thinking "who are you and what have you done with the real Meghan?" but hey, people change. It was kind of fun, picking out players and stuff. I've never done a draft before, and I'm glad that for this one more than one person could have each player. I don't think I'd have the patience (or the knowledge) to do a draft where once a player is gone, they're gone.

I think I will enjoy watching hockey this playoff season. I know, it's me talking here. But living with someone who is obsessed with sports kind of rubs off. I mean, I watched football this fall. And I am much less familiar with football than hockey. And I ended up kind of enjoying that. So, who knows? Anything could happen.

Jenn and I are going to work early today so we can leave early to watch hockey tonight, get the "pump you up" song, and everything. Look out world; it's a whole new Meghan!

.day off.

2009-03-14T10:58:00.004-06:00

I took Friday off of work, and had such a lovely day. I made a list for myself of things I wanted to do this weekend, including things like "drink a london fog", "wear a scarf" and "write something creative". So I slept in a bit, and played some piano and guitar, and then Amy and I went to Inglewood.
We had a little adventure getting there...let's just say that "Zoo Road" is not very clearly marked. But, we made it and had a lovely time walking around in the gorgeous weather visiting some adorable shops and art galleries. We also grabbed lunch at Spolumbo's and I found out that Sanpellegrino's chinotto flavour is disgusting. The guy at the counter warned me that it was an acquired taste and said I could grab another drink if I didn't like it. And made me try it in front of him so he could see my reaction.
Anyways, I took some cute photos, and 2 cars intentionally drove in the puddles on the curb and splashed us. A lot. Huge splashes of dirty water that landed in our hair and all up our backsides. And my camera was out. I was less than impressed...but thankfully, the lens didn't get wet.
Then Amy and I wrote 2 songs. They're pretty great, if I do say so myself. They're very different from each other, so we're impressed that we're not the type of people who can only write one thing. 2 distinct tunes, and 2 distinct topics. Although neither of them are too serious, haha.
Plus we went and got london fogs.
So...a lot of things on my list got crossed off and it was a perfectly enjoyable day.
And today, I played guitar outside on my balcony. Oh, I do love spring! I just wish it was here to stay...

.an occasion where it'd be nice to have a man.

2009-03-07T23:10:00.007-07:00

So tonight I went to a friend's birthday party. It was Oscar themed, so I made myself pretty, and gave her an "award" for wise counsel and good listener.
I knew before going that I would probably not know anyone there, so I had hoped to rope a guy friend into going with me. Alack, alas, that did not happen, so I decided to go it alone and pretend to be an extrovert for a night.

*Side story* I was talking with my friend Steve (in Ontario) about needing a date for tonight, and he suggested me finding an escort service. While I appreciated his creative thinking, I didn't appreciate the direction it was heading. Anyways, a little while later my phone rang, and I didn't recognize the number. I answered it and the guy said "This is Kenneth...Prince Charming" and I thought to myself "what? who? how? Did Steve call some random guy and get him to call me and ask me out tonight?" and was generally quite confused for a few seconds until I heard "Whoa, sorry, dropped the phone. This is Kenneth from Prints Charming. I just wanted you to know your frames are in and you can come pick them up any time." Oh! Ok, that makes a lot more sense now. Funny moment though! *End side story*

It was a lovely party (I even got a few compliments that I have great legs) and we had some fun dancing, but as the night grew long, the snow began to fall. Before the evening it was a fairly mild day and the streets were quite clear, so I wore heels and didn't bother to bring boots. By the time I left, there were 4 inches of fluffy supermodel snow on the ground. As I made my way across the street to my car...I slipped. My dress was kind of short to begin with, but with each foot heading a different direction...well, I'm glad no one was watching (or so it seemed at least). I regained my balance and hopped in my car. My feet were covered in snow and I grabbed my snow brush to unearth my vehicle. A few slips here and there, the wind blowing snow down the front of my dress, and voila! a less snowy car. I was laughing to myself as I blundered my way around my car, hoping that at least God would be laughing at me right now since no one else was there to share my amusement at the situation.
My car was already warm by the time I got inside (or else I was cold enough that it felt toasty) and I drove home in my bare feet without mishap. The roads were slick, and you couldn't see where any lanes existed, but I had no major problems. Until I got home. And the slipping and snow covered feet occurred again.
But not to worry, I immediately towel dried my shoes to make sure that they don't get ruined.

.nightmares.

2009-02-05T08:35:00.003-07:00

For the majority of January, I had trouble sleeping. This is not normal for me; usually I sleep deeply all through the night. This past month was filled with patchy shallow sleep and lots of weird dreams.

I don't remember most of my dreams from this past month, but I do remember feeling like I was half-awake all night long, always semi-conscious of the dream happening, but not conscious enough to do anything about it. I would wake up frequently during the night and have trouble falling back asleep. One night I woke up, thought clearly to myself "It's ok, the baby didn't die this time, I can go back to sleep" and promptly did just that. I wonder if I had been having abortion dreams without realizing it?

I also had a nightmare that I can still recollect. It's the third time in my life, that I can remember, that I woke up crying because of a dream. I had been dreaming about my grandma and she was forgetting her sons and remembering a few of her grandkids, but also making up names of ones that don't exist which she was extremely insistent that they did. When I write it down here it doesn't sound so terrible, but in my dream I was trying so desperately hard to help her remember and she began to get really upset with me. And one of my uncles was there and he was ignoring her (which is very strange) because he was too busy packing up her stuff (also very strange). I know logically why I had this dream, but that doesn't always make it better in the middle of the night. I had recently talked to an old friend about his grandma's death, and how she had forgotten most of her family by the time she died, and how difficult that must have been for her, and for her family. I had also just talked with my mom about her visit to my grandma and she'd been doing worse. I understand how this dream happened now, and it doesn't seem so scary, but it was awful...that whole day I kept waiting for my phone to ring with my mom on the other line telling me my grandma had passed away.

The first time I remember ever waking up crying was when I was little and I had a dream that my grandparents died. I guess I haven't changed much...

.twilight.

2009-01-30T19:40:00.002-07:00

I don't get it.
This craze surrounding Edward Cullen just doesn't make sense to me.
To be fair, I haven't read any of the books; I've only seen the movie, so maybe I'm missing out on something. But I just don't get it.
Edward is good looking enough, sure, but he's incredibly rude to Bella for the first half of the movie. I understand that he is trying to control himself and resist the urge to suck her blood, but there are definitely other ways of doing that. I especially appreciated the way he comes up to her and is talking to her and then tells her if she knows what's good for her she'd stay away from him. Wait, who just approached who here?
Although the movie is supposed to be all about self-control, it was extremely sexually charged. The first time she walked into biology class and had to sit next to him he clenched his fists and looked, well, like he needed to get off. When they would talk they could barely get the words out amidst their heavy breathing. I felt like I was interrupting. She eggs him on and pushes him to the limits of his self-control. What is that teaching teens? That it's ok for them as girls to push their guys because they'll be able to stop? No they won't. Or, that's it's ok for them to have sex with their boyfriends because they're not vampires?
I will say that every girl wants to be pursued and protected, and Edward does a good job of that. But he's right; she wouldn't be in that much trouble if it weren't for him, so it's his duty to protect her. His family treats her well and includes her (for the most part), even though she poses a serious threat, so clearly they have a lot of respect for Edward and want to support him, and Bella by extension. He can't protect her alone but he needs the support of his whole family, which is a good theme. And it's great that Edward chose not to turn her into a vampire, and that he makes her go to prom and experience the things a normal teenager should experience. But the whole thing is just strange. If she doesn't become a vampire then she will continue to age and it's not like they're going to stick together forever...what would a 17 year old guy want with a middle aged woman?
And Bella...is she supposed to be an exciting character? Somehow all of the guys in the story are into her, but she has no personality at all. She is a loner who hardly ever has anything significant to say to others.
The only redeeming character in the movie, for me, was Jacob. He's a gentle, sweet guy who genuinely seems to care for Bella and have her best interests at heart. I know that he's just a minor character, but I was still wishing the whole time she'd change her mind and go for him. Plus, he's totally better looking.

.weary.

2009-01-25T23:19:00.003-07:00

Maybe it's just winter blues.
Maybe it's the death of friends' family members.
Maybe it's stress at work.
Maybe it's having high expectations and then not reaching them.
Maybe it's because I haven't been sleeping solidly for a few weeks.
Whatever the reason, I feel weary.
So, I will respond to God's invitation to come and rest.

Psalm 3:5
I sleep and wake up refreshed because you, LORD, protect me.

Psalm 4:8
I can lie down and sleep soundly because you, LORD, will keep me safe.

Here's a song by Considering Lily.

A little too much
Today was a little too much for me
A few falls too many and one win too few

A little too long
Today was a little too long for me
But someone is calling
Calling my name, calling:

"Come, come and rest
All who are weary, rest
Come, come and rest
All who are heavy, rest
Rest"

Sometimes I try
Sometimes I try just a little too hard
Fighting the current and losing the fight

Sometimes I feel
Sometimes I feel like I'm swimming alone
But someone is holding
Holding me up, calling:

Calling me softly and sweetly
Calling me like I'm a child
Calling me though I'm not worthy
Calling me even now

.death of a computer.

2009-01-15T19:04:00.004-07:00

I know that January is supposed to be the month of new beginnings, but for me it is also a month of endings. One in particular. The loss of my computer. Yes, my computer is dead and none of my files have chosen to be resurrected by miracle man, so once I save up some money I'll pay an expert to retrieve them. So hopefully all will not be lost. It's not the happiest feeling for all of your files, all of the papers and projects you've ever written, all of your music, all of your photos, all of your videos are irretrievable. Jutta asked me if I wanted to slit my wrists, haha. I'm actually trying to remain quite calm about it and not panic...I am sure that someday I'll get my stuff back. Thankfully nothing is urgent that I desperately need right away. Good thing I'm done school!

.busy.

2008-12-12T07:57:00.003-07:00

You know, I often wonder what it is about the season of Advent, a season of anticipation, that we feel needs to be so full. I feel so busy this time of year, and while I love going to Christmas parties and hanging out with my friends, a part of me wonders if we neglect Jesus in the midst of our celebrations...because they aren't really about him; he's just the excuse for them. Maybe that's too strong a statement, or maybe it's just me. But I will say that I am looking forward to going back to Ontario for 10 days this month. I don't have a lot of plans there. Spend some time with my family. Catch up with a few friends. Maybe go skating/tobogganing a couple of times. Rest my body, my mind, and my soul.

In the meantime, I am having dinner with some friends tonight (the first time we get to experience Brian's cooking. If it's anything like his baking, it will be exceptional). I always enjoy these times with these friends; we laugh a lot and play games and it's a very relaxing time (maybe except for when I'm the one playing Wii). Then on Saturday I have 3 things I'm supposed to go to...but I'm going to narrow it down to one, or possibly two parties if I'm feeling really ambitious. On Monday a few of us are going to celebrate with Dustin that his exam is finally done! He is probably one of the most dedicated, hardworking people I know. So he deserves to enjoy himself for a bit once the stress of his exam is gone.

The only night I have "free" between now and when I leave is Wednesday, but it's not really free because I'm probably going to be spending it cleaning the house and packing. But then I'll have a few days at Meil's to relax. Maybe even go cross-country skiing. I think this time back in Ontario will be so good for me...I need time and space to be refreshed, and having so few friends still there can help me to accomplish....doing nothing!

.Handel's Messiah.

2008-12-07T13:48:00.002-07:00

Last night I got to experience a little slice of heaven.

I love Handel's Messiah.
Not only is it a beautiful piece of music, but it also expresses our longing for, waiting for, expectation of, and fulfillment of Christ. It shows the whole story of the anticipation of his coming, his arrival and life, his death and resurrection, and the anticipation of his return. It is a glorious work, and I believe it was divinely inspired. (It was written in 3.5 weeks; I'm not sure there could be another explanation)

My soul was in need of refreshment. I've been attacked lately, and I am weary. (When I say attacked, I do mean literally.)

Today it has snowed (and continues to snow) and as much as I don't like snow due to the cold and slipperiness, I appreciate the way the world looks when it is covered in a blanket of white. It is strikingly beautiful, and always reminds me of God's grace. I love that he will wash us white, whiter than snow. Days like these remind me to be thankful because the picture of grace is so clear.
I always end up taking that metaphor too far, and as we trample on the snow and it turns to slush and becomes brown and dirty, I think of how often we take God's grace for granted or forget to continually ask for his forgiveness in our lives. One blanket of snow won't cover everything...Good thing God's grace doesn't end.

.sick.

2008-12-01T15:50:00.004-07:00

I've been sick for the past week or so, which is really not fun at all. I'm still feeling really tired because of it, even though I've been trying to get extra sleep. I just feel drained.

But, in the midst of feeling less than my best, I've still been able to do some cool things.

I got to go see James Blunt in concert which was...amazing. We had really good seats, just 5 rows up, and at one point he ran to our end and started playing on a piano that was right in front of us. I may or may not have screamed like a 12 year old girl. Probably didn't help the sore throat at all.

Then I went on the Awaken retreat. I still haven't decided whether or not it was a good decision...but I'm going to say I'm glad I went because it's always nice to get away for a few days and enjoy creation...even if it's from a window curled up by a fire with a kleenex box.

I also went to a lecture by Tony Campolo which was good. I appreciate his perspective because I am also a fan of social justice (I am a fan of Jesus, so it should go without saying that I'm a fan of social justice) but I am struck by the fact that somehow there seems to be a lot of opposition to a lot of things Tony had to say among the Christian community, possibly more in the States than in Canada or Europe. I'm not saying that everything he has to say is perfect or I agree with it all, but I think he's on a good track and has a good direction at least, and it saddens me when people don't understand that vision. But I am also personally challenged to love others practically in more explicit ways, and live my life more simply because I also still have a lot to learn and do and become.

Tanya just moved up to Edmonton, so a few of us went out with her on Saturday night to have a farewell dinner with her. It's sad that she's gone, but I'm glad we got to hang out one last time!

I've been really busy with a lot of teaching lately...which is probably how I got sick in the first place. I'm still not 100% but I am feeling a lot better which is good because the next few weeks are full of classes. I also had to work this past Saturday, so I didn't really get a weekend...but at least now I have more banked hours to take time off later!

.relaxing weekend.

2008-11-15T15:50:00.003-07:00

I've had a good week, but somehow I'm really tired. After work yesterday I had a nap, but didn't set my alarm. When I woke up I was completely disoriented because it was dark out and I felt like it was early in the morning but I still wanted to sleep in. Plus I was having a really strange dream.
Jenn and I both had no energy for much last night...so we enjoyed some Bailey's and watched movies. Only we couldn't rent a movie because our dvd player is broken. Although that's not the greatest excuse since we ended up watching Jerry Maguire on my computer anyways. But whatever...first we watched a movie on tv (2 Fast 2 Furious...epitome of incredible acting right there) and then Jerry Maguire on my computer. Only I fell asleep on the couch as the second half was loading. So we finished it in the morning. It's nice to not have something to wake up early for.
Today is...football. Can you believe I spent the majority of my day watching it? I'm glad Montreal and Calgary won. Incredibly close second game though!
And...I think that's about all I have to say right now. I know, my life is incredibly exciting.

.long weekend.

2008-11-11T22:13:00.003-07:00

This past weekend was so great. I think I really needed a relaxing weekend, so I fully appreciated this long one.
On Friday a bunch of us went over to Jemima and Preston's for raclette, which was absolutely delicious by the way. Also, I became reacquainted with Wii. Quite fun. Apparently I require a wide berth (haha, sorry, that word always reminds me of this) or injuries/attacks may ensue. Truthfully, I only actually hit Meera once, and the wall once, and everyone else was just scared by the wind rushing past them as I swung. Good times though!
We had some good laughs all evening playing Wii or Balderdash or whatever and it was just a nice time in general.
On Saturday I ran a few errands (yes, I now have a snowbrush for my car. which has already been used.) and then Tina and I headed down south for a spa thing. After which we went shopping and I influenced her to buy a colour! She is now the owner of a beautiful purple sweater which looks amazing on her. And is neither black, white, nor gray. Impressive, I know.
Then we joined Jenn and Amy and drove out to Chestermere where Meera was house sitting and having a party. There were tons of people there and we had a delicious dinner and fun chilling afterwards. It was so beautiful out there, a gorgeous house, super cuddly big dog, fun people...really great.
Then on Sunday I had a super lazy day which was luxurious. Church was great; I actually had the chance to chat with a few people before small group, and that was also excellent.
Then on Monday we skipped the Science Centre (which is sad because I had SO been looking forward to it, but good because it was incredibly busy and full of little children) and went to the zoo. Although it was slightly chilly and my shoes were slightly small, it was still really fun. I enjoy animals, even if they are caged/contained. Plus we had our own personal tour guide in Dave.
Then Evan helped me bake over 100 cookies for Wednesday's community dinner, and Amy came back over to watch Chuck. I really do love that man...if only he were real, haha.

.winter has arrived.

2008-11-06T09:27:00.001-07:00

I'm sick of credit-carding my car.

Top of the "purchase immediately" list: snow brush.

.today.

2008-11-04T22:20:00.004-07:00

So according to some what I'm about to say may mean that I'm not a real Christian, but nevertheless I'm pleased with the American election results. I don't really want to talk about politics on this blog, but if someone wants to talk about it with me in person, then I'd welcome a conversation.

On a completely different note, I taught at an all girls school today and it was so fun! The girls felt comfortable to ask really good questions, whereas usually the boys dominate the conversation. It was also interesting to teach to classes where the majority of students believed in remaining abstinent until marriage, and those who disagreed were more embarrassed to admit it; usually it is the other way around.
I'm really enjoying teaching, and making slight adjustments to fit each unique audience. I think that that part of the job will help to keep it from becoming stale or boring.

.frustrations.

2008-11-03T20:14:00.002-07:00

I had a few frustrating moments today. A conversation with someone who is very stubborn who holds views very opposite to mine. Views that I find scary, to be honest.
As a Christian, I truly do believe that issues such as poverty, disease, human trafficking, war, health-care, nuclear weapons, and starvation are just as important as issues such as abortion. And I believe that focusing on ways to actually help people is incredibly beneficial, and fits with James 1:27. I believe that it's who God has called us to be.
I feel like today I was attacked for believing these things, and that made me sad. I was told that I am naively guiding others into my erroring ways. I am mostly sad that this person felt more than comfortable making such a judgment on myself and others, which clearly violates God's call to love one another. I don't really know what else to say to this person, but I refuse to compromise my beliefs just because of one person's narrow-minded opinion.
At another point today in conversation with someone else I felt belittled, and while I stood up for myself and defended myself, I wonder how I could prevent this from happening again without changing who I am. I haven't really come to any conclusions other than I am not going to change for someone else.

.reunions.

2008-11-02T13:22:00.002-07:00

So yesterday was the day for seeing people I hadn't seen in a long time.
In the evening Amy and I went to the House to see my friend Dan Nel play, and it felt like I knew almost everyone who was there. It was a sweet concert, and along with the obvious catching up with old friends bit, we played some fun speed scrabble. Sometimes the scrabble was also used as a means to catch up. fun times.

.lovely day.

2008-11-01T16:12:00.002-06:00

I've heard that November is blog month. So I will be attempting to blog more in November. Not likely every day, but more often.

Today I was enjoying the sunshine, going for a walk and window shopping in Kensington. I bumped into an old friend, one I haven't seen for over a year. It was so good to see her again, especially since the likelihood of that happening was slim to none. She is currently living and teaching in Seoul.
I think it's interesting how God knows how much we can handle in our lives...when one area of life seems to be overwhelming, he offers sustenance. Even through another painful experience, relief can be found. Different sadnesses can also bring unexpected joys. And it was cool for me to be a brief part of that.

On a random note, my window shopping was cut short by bloody blisters, and as I returned home a man nearly flung his cigarette butt on my leg.

.thanksgiving weekend.

2008-10-18T18:03:00.003-06:00

So my post about thanksgiving is slightly delayed...but better late than never, right?
Last weekend was Canadian Thanksgiving, and Amy's family was kind enough to "adopt" me for the weekend. We drove up to their farm in Tofield on Friday night.
On Saturday I borrowed Amy's tracker and nipped over to Edmonton to visit with my cousins, Jo and Cathy. It was great to see them again, since it's been a while.
I got back to Tofield just in time for turkey dinner with all the trimmings. So delicious! And the best part is there were leftovers the next day for a really good turkey sandwich after church before our drive back to Calgary.
After Awaken Amy and I went to see The Women which was a really good movie. Considering the fact that there are no men in it, it portrayed a very balanced perspective. And what a brilliant idea...make a movie with no men...pretty impressive, I think.
On Monday I went to the football game...and sadly Saskatoon got dumped on by Calgary, but it was still very fun just to be there. Let's be honest, I'm not a big football person (or sports person in general) so for me it's enough to just watch and enjoy, not get all caught up in a team and competitiveness of it all.
After that I went to Troy's for a non-thanksgiving dinner. It was very fun, except some people became angry/upset because we played a prank that apparently got a little out of control. I think that mostly their egos were just hurt from being gullible. Anyways, I got to feel special for an evening, and for that I am thankful (I just realized that this is my "thanksgiving" post and I didn't yet specify anything for which I am thankful).

I'm thinking that I could probably extend the topic of this post from Thanksgiving to Jenn's birthday...but how about all I say about that is this: it was a wonderful day (slash 2 days) and we had lots of fun and very amusing conversations, and also good food, and great cake (thanks Tanya!).
The End.

hmm

2008-10-06T21:34:00.002-06:00

I keep thinking I should update my blog...but I have nothing amusing to say.

I got to be a part of my friends' wedding this past weekend and it was really neat. I'm really impressed by Bruce's incredible patience...I have a lot of respect for him. and I'm glad Jen could marry her best friend. It's always cool to be able to witness people getting married when they obviously enable the other to be more fully themselves.

Also, we had our covenant service at church, which was really cool. It was a pretty meaningful service, and it was cool to both witness it and be a part of it. After church I went to a small group with friends from work. We are going through the chronicles of Narnia together.

It seems like October is the birthday month...so happy birthday everyone! Sorry that's so generic...

I just had this random thought of how cool it might be to live in a world that was like Amelie.

.last night.

2008-09-21T20:19:00.004-06:00

So I've been meaning to blog more regularly...and some funny moments have occurred. But I haven't really felt like writing.
Maybe because I'm writing curriculum for work. and that is boring. However, I'm also writing fun monologues for work, which is quite fun, only I'm attempting to write from a male perspective which I have no idea if I'm doing accurately or not.
Anyways, I don't have to write for school anymore, so I should throw away the excuses and just blog.
Last night had a lot of fun random moments in it which I'm waiting for Amy to blog about. The theme of the night seemed to be...boobs. Big ones, fake ones, small ones, smooshed/mammogrammed ones, you name it...
Also, 2 times we were talking about something and it happened. First Meera was explaining how it's difficult to screen for breast cancer in women who have undergone breast augmentation and at that moment a very tall woman with perky, unmoving breasts walked past...with a short bald man at her side.
Then I was talking about how a taxi almost swerved right into me and if I hadn't slammed on the brakes on the off ramp as he went over 2 lanes of traffic in front of me I might not be around to tell the story...and then a car got rear ended by a limo. Weird.
Also, there was this amazingly funny little couple at Ten, but Amy really needs to tell that story. Let's just say they shared one side of their table, because you're not close enough to your date when you're sitting across from them looking into their eyes, no no, you need to be violating their personal space and disabling the use of one of their limbs making it difficult for them to eat to really show how close you feel inside.
Well, there are more anecdotes, but I'll save those for another time...or perhaps just an in-person conversation. Because some demonstrations are needed. Tina's belly, oh my. Heart shaped hole, oh my. Attempt at sounding like a whale, oh my.

.randomnicity.

2008-09-10T18:27:00.002-06:00

My friend Marco tagged me on his blog, so here are the rules:

1. Post the rules on your blog
2. Write 6 random things about yourself
3. Tag 6 people at the end of your post
4. If you're tagged, DO IT and pass on the tag

Here are 6 random things about me:

1. I've only ever done 2 of these tag/chain letter things on my blog ever. Including this one. Both times I was tagged by Marco.

2. I have two unwritten books written in my head. I really hope to actually write them someday, even if they're never published.

3. I can cry on demand. I should clarify...I can't just bring up tears instantly. If I'm doing a role play or acting for some reason, I get really into whatever character I'm creating, and I can cry real tears easily if it fits with the character's story. Maybe it's part of my gift of empathy...I actually feel other people's pain by imagining what it would be like to be them.

4. When I was in grade 3 we had weekly spelling tests, and I prided myself on always getting perfect. One week during the test I completely blanked on how to spell "does" and I sat there for 5 minutes looking at "dose" and knowing it was completely wrong but becoming increasingly upset with myself for not being able to spell a word that I used in my creative writing with no problem often enough. I think I've never forgotten how to spell it since that experience. And yes, I am a nerd.

5. I hate not having my toenails painted. I think they look so weird when they're naked, and there needs to be a splash of colour on my toenails. I rarely paint my fingernails though.

6. My undergrad degree is technically a B.S. degree. I did not discover this until my last semester, and I completely freaked out. I'm still not over it to be honest. I never took a single science my entire college career (thanks to OACs, no thanks to Mike Harris) but apparently in the States they don't have B.Ed. degrees, but all their education degrees are science degrees. And apparently Americans don't care that their Bachelor of Science degrees are B.S. instead of B.Sc. Stupidest name of a degree EVER. My business cards say B.Sc, M.A. which makes me happy. Hey, I'm in Canada, I can use the good version of the short form of the degree.

Ok, I will tag...

1. Rala
2. Steve
3. Merissa
4. Ben
5. Sarah
6. Nynke

Let's see if any of them actually do it...

The Art of Rejection

2008-09-08T15:33:00.004-06:00

by Haley and Michael DiMarco

I just started reading this book for work...and I'm liking it!

Here are a few quotes (and some chunks).

"For all the guys our there who are afraid of 'hurting' girls and so play it safe and don't ask anyone out, I say boo! I think I speak for most women when I say we'd rather have the chance to get hurt than never have a date at all. Staying home alone with a tub of ice cream is never our first option. Dating, risking, finding out if you could be the one is much more pleasurable. So save us your heroics and ask us out. Let us decide if we can handle the potential pain of unrequited love."

"You have an endless supply of date invitations to offer--all you have to do is spend them. So get out there and start asking. It's the only manly thing to do."

"Being just friends is a waste of time."
"If you're still 'hanging out' with someone who no longer wants to date you, you are prostituting yourself."
"People can't have all the benefits of dating without the commitment of a dating relationship. And we aren't talking about any kind of commitment more than one that says 'yes, I'm interested, and yes, there's hope.' This isn't that tall of an order. So don't buy the lie that being 'just friends' is beneficial or even helpful no matter what they might say."

"It's not what happens to you but what you think about what happens to you that affects your emotions."

"Your mind isn't as all-powerful and as in control of you as you think it is. It's actually more like an animal: It only believes what you show it and let it daydream about. In fact, it is so gullible that it can be tricked and even retrained like a dog."

"Relationships should make you both better, not worse."

"The Law of Polarized Sensitivity: Girls want to talk it out, guys want to fix it. So girls, don't beat around the bush by using too many words. And guys, don't soften the blow by offering up scenarios that you're not interested in just to make her feel better."

"For a girl breaking up with a guy, it is crucial that you don't hint around about things but be totally direct."

"You were man enough to get into the relationship, so be man enough to get out. Face-to-face. Suck it up, be honest, and do it."

"Don't water down your decision or give them an escape clause that will only drag out the relationship that you want to end."

"It's human nature that when someone rejects you, you assume it's because of something you did."

"A wise soul sees that rejection is just another door eliminated in the process of finding the one we're looking for."

*NOTE: Some of the above quotes may make more sense in context. I won't be providing that...go find a copy of the book if you want to read more.
Also, I do not necessarily completely agree with all of the above quotes. But I am a firm believer in the sentiment of the first two which is "MAN UP!"
seriously.

.whirlwind.

2008-08-31T22:38:00.002-06:00

Recap of the past few weeks, in no particular order:

moved back to Calgary. into a new apartment. still unpacking.
finished my last course. am waiting for my degree to arrive in the mail.
bought a car.
bought a cell phone.
started a new job.
saw fireworks.
went to a ranch.
ate bbq watermelon.
went shoe shopping with Jenn and Marisa and didn't buy shoes.
introduced Jenn to Chuck. am to blame for her falling in love.
watched a football game. paid limited attention to it at least.
tried to tune my guitar.
read a book. or more than one...
caught up with a few friends.
discovered my face is too narrow for most glasses.
discovered that Miley Cyrus is played on the Christian radio station.
fed a deer by hand.
walked along the river.
made poffertjes.
felt sad. missed good friends.

.nothing of importance.

2008-08-03T10:08:00.003-06:00

Brief complaint regarding flying with sinus infections:
Returning to earth after flying at great altitudes is very painful. I can now more accurately sympathize with those who get terrible earaches every time they fly. Four days later my ears are still popping.

Brief rant regarding lawn mowers:
Do lawn mower manufacturers elicit great joy in making me look like a fool? Yesterday I mowed the lawn, and I had never used this lawn mower before...usually my brother is around to pass the job along to. I noticed that there was a bar which I assumed (correctly) that I would need to hold down while attempting to start the mower. I yanked and yanked the cord. Not even a hint of the motor desiring to attempt to roll over. I got my mom to hold the bar down so I could yank the cord with two hands. Still nothing. I couldn't see any buttons or switches which might make me look slightly less foolish. Giving up, I simply began the weed-eating, because that is more my area of expertise when it comes to lawn care. Shortly thereafter, my mom came out after having spoken to my father on the phone. There is a random reddish button, which isn't even a button but a little rubber thingy, which resides on the front of the lawn mower. Apparently if you push it two or three times, then hold the bar down and yank on the cord the lawn mower will start effortlessly. Thanks for hiding it so well oh great manufacturers.

Ok...enough ranting. I am back from Europe and that means I'm hitting the real world which I've been trying to avoid for the majority of my life. I have 3 weeks to pump out my last 3 papers for my last course and then I will fly back to Calgary, buy a car, move, and then start work.
I realize that I totally sucked it up writing about Europe...I kind of didn't feel like writing anything after Italy but pushed through until Paris (in my own journal, not online obviously), and then I just gave up. Maybe someday I'll continue to post some random anecdotes. If I remember them, since I didn't write them down.

So...one random (true) thought to leave you with...the Queen of England said that every time she hears ABBA's Dancing Queen she dances. Because she's a queen.

.random memories Europe 2008.

2008-07-02T03:11:00.000-06:00

So I have decided that my blogs have been somewhat boring...mostly a list of the things I have been doing. And really I have been having a lot more fun, but whenever I have a few spare moments to write a blog, the fun things fly out of my mind and I rapidly attempt to summarize my trip.
So...this is my solution. I will continually add to this post throughout my time here whenever I have a chance and share little anecdotes or comments or whatever I found funny or random and maybe you can enjoy that. You may not understand or enjoy them, but oh well.

Ok...In Rome...
Roz accidentally locked her bag with her key inside so she had to knife into her bag to unlock it, and then sew it up. This was only about our second day in.
Some Italian lady got really mad at BethL in the Sistene Chapel, and we think it's just because she was younger than everyone else taking pictures (with flash, but Beth did NOT use flash)
When we were lost trying to find Villa Borghese we accidentally stepped onto the property of an elementary school and an angry overprotective teacher kicked us off and refused to give us directions...we continued walking and we acted-out communication with very very broken Italian with a cleaning lady at a restaurant, but she didn't know how to get where we were going either (it wasn't actually on the maps...it was just cut off the top)
On the metro back that day, a random lady asked me if I dye my hair or if it's natural and told me how much she loves it.
On the metro there that day we brokenly communicated with an old man through a young boy and I think pretty much all that was said is that we're students and we think Italy is beautiful.

...in Florence...
my towel got stolen. Thankfully I still have my MEC towels...but they cover about as much as my public bathing towel that I had in Japan...hmm.
We talked with a guy selling leather jackets in the market for a long time. He really liked my dimples for some reason, and tried super hard to flirt with us so we'd be interested in a jacket...which none of us were.
Our first night there we were walking around and we got a flyer for a bar...which said girls night...and had a picture of 2 girls kissing...and as I was throwing mine out, another guy (not girl this time) was approaching us to give us the same flyer.
When walking down a street some man said to me, "Hey Baby-Face, want some free wine or beer?"
Another said "Just ask for me and get a free shot"
A man kissed at me as he went around the corner
Roz got told "I love your sunglasses" and called Sweetie
I was talking with Roz about how many souvenirs she had gotten for her family, saying "done, that one, done" etc. and this man at a booth overheard me and thought I said "gun" not "done" so he stuck his hands up and was like "You have gun? I have scared!"

...in Cinque Terre...
Our roomate was named Ryan, but Beth always thought he was Brian or Mark for some reason. I don't really know why, but he always made me laugh, even when he was trying to be serious...he reminded us of a really laid back artsy stoner dude with a goofy smile. If he were a cartoon, he would be Donald Duck.
One morning I had a banana and gelato for breakfast. It's really unlike me...but I saw all these people eating gelato in the morning and it looked so good...so I did it. Our train was, of course, delayed, so we were sitting on these seats by a fountain waiting for it. I had my banana peel and gelato bowl sitting next to me to throw out when I got up. A man watering the plants motioned for me to throw them out, and I indicated that I most certainly would. 5 or so minutes later he came up to me really close, pretended to take a picture of my trash, and motioned that I needed to throw it out RIGHT NOW. I wasn't quite sure what the problem was because I was not ever planning on littering, and I obviously had not gotten up and left without it, but I just threw it out to make him happy.
In Biassa there were church bells. Pretty much there are church bells everywhere, but in Biassa they rang the hour twice every hour, and at 7 am they rang like a wedding. One morning I counted 72 rings, the next I counted 78. I guess it's the city's alarm clock. Not so nice when we wanted to sleep in!!
We were walking along via dell'amore one night and a little boy was with his family heading the other way. He was about to throw a hissy fit, and Beth tried to circle around him, but he bounded into her and bounced off her legs onto the ground. She was horrified, thinking she had knocked the boy over, but people behind her reassured her it was not her fault at all, and also she successfully distracted the boy from having his hissy fit!

...in Nice and Monaco...
Roz and I had to pay 2 euro 50 to change at the beach in Monaco.
Beth saw a carboard cutout of an author because there was a huge book festival in the park, and then she saw the real person signing books a few minutes later.
We were walking along the beach road one night with Shady Donair Man and Chef Cook Map Guy and we saw a white party on the beach...this huge blow-up white man smacked me in the face! We have a picture of the thing, so I'll show it later when I can.
In Monaco we saw Sunburn Lady who was still out in the sun which we didn't think was such a great idea. We also saw Speedo Man who actually did muscle poses on the beach in his red Nike speedo.
We were in the "chill out room" in our hostel and 2 pretty boys fixed their hair in the window!
One of the girls in our room had just washed her towel and was thinking about throwing it out, so she gave it to me!

...on the 4 trains from Nice to Padova...
We saw Prince Charming.
A little piece of cheese fell off my cracker, so I fished it out from between the seats and was going to throw it out. Beth told me to throw it out the window, so I threw from 3 seats away because I'm known to be athletic and have a good shot. The cheese bounced off the top of the window, onto Beth, and back inbetween 2 seats. Beth was quite upset, and I wasn't allowed to fish it out and throw it out for real. Also, that train was hot and muggy with no air con so we opened all the windows and could hardly hear each other talk. Kind of fun for a few hours.

...in Venice...
We got caught in the rain! I loved it, but Roz was a tad miserable...even with her hideous 5 euro poncho to keep her dry!
The rest of the day was beautiful, and we even found the cartoon stick duck restaurant Ryan and Christian had recommended to us. There were 2 Argentinians sitting next to us at dinner who tried really hard to flirt with us. Beth was patient with them, I mostly ignored them, and Roz was really annoyed. They offered to marry Beth. Also, the one guy refered to himself as a "nasty duck" when we were talking about the superhero ducks decorating the restaurant...interesting...I had a little laugh at them because when they first poured their beer they had only foam and no beer for the first 2 glasses.

...in Innsbruck...
I got dubbed "mountain goat woman"
We had strange bugs buzzing in our room, which Beth and I tried to kill be shoving paper to block their nest. The buzzing woke me up one morning, but I didn't hear them the next morning, so maybe they had already died?
We saw people bridge jumping into a fast moving river...it looked both cold and fun. There was a skidoo there to rescue them, and they had helmets and wetsuits and everything, so it was pretty safe looking.

...in Salzburg...
We were in a tourist shop and when the guy found out we were from Canada, and me specifically in Calgary, he proudly told me that Stampede was on because "I'm a cowboy, I know"
Roz and I saw a strange "party" parade of different drink companies with people dancing on trucks going by. We left as soon as we saw a guy in a thong. eww.
We then went to a park where there were a bunch of hippies having a "save Tibet" concert. They are the weirdest dancers I have ever seen. Roz wouldn't let me take a video, which is too bad. But if you ask really nicely, I may attempt to imitate them. We saw Ab Man and Cute Guy there, but even Cute Guy was really unattractive while dancing, haha.
Roz said "I hope I get married someday. I've always wanted a hedgehog." It actually made sense in context, but it still sounded really funny.
We found an English church on Sunday, and Roy met a girl who lives in Hong Kong who will take her to an English church there! So cool.

...in Neuschwanstein...
Our train was delayed causing us to miss the bus to the base of the hill leading to the castle, and the next bus wouldn't be coming for over an hour. Another man who had been on the train with us was quite upset at this discovery, but quickly decided to just take a taxi...and offered to drop us off on his way! Super nice German guy who was there because apparently it's one of the best places in the world to go para-gliding. Anyways, he wouldn't accept any money from us and gave us clear directions for where to buy bus tickets and castle tickets before continuing on his journey. A nice welcome into Germany, we thought.

...in Munchen...
Really good weiss wurst. Almost good enough for vegetarian BethL to take a bite...she was tempted, but didn't want a bad reaction from eating meat that her body is really not used to.
Tina came!!!
The Glockenspiel is amusing, but definitely over-rated.
Travis the Australian free walking tour guide is possibly the best guide ever. Learned so much about the city...

I don't remember what city it was in, but we heard a lady calling for her dog somewhere, yelling "Ricola! Ricola!"

.Cinque Terre.

2008-06-27T09:27:00.003-06:00

After Florence, we took a train through Pisa on our way to La Spezia and Cinque Terre.
In Pisa, we got off the train and some random old Italian lady directed us to the bus which would take us to the tower and also where to buy cheaper bus tickets. So nice!! Quite different from the people in Rome who were just rude. We got to the tower with all our backpacks, and unloaded in the shade of the fountain, taking turns watching them while the others walked around. We chatted with a couple cute Japanese ladies who thought Roz was on a high school trip :( and then an Italian mother and daughter named Daniela and Nicole. Nicole had just taken one year of English in school, so it was pretty fun trying to communicate with them, and then this Brazilian girl started attempting to translate via Portuguese and in the end we had a really lovely conversation. Then we took our stereotypical Pisa tower pictures, hopped on the bus, and continued to La Spezia.
Once there we got directions to our bus stop, and travelled up the mountain to this little village called Biassa. It is really cute...but we were both hungry and tired when we arrived, and the one grocery store was not open, and only one of the two restaurants was open, but we didn't want to pay for eating out because we're cheap. Thankfully, the grocery store decided to open from 6-8:30 that evening and we got some food. Very, very limited selection.
The only way to get to Cinque Terre was on these green buses which ran every few hours...or else walk for a couple hours to get to RioMaggiore. Our first day we walked the first two hikes, and spent some time in Corniglia (the third village) on the rocky beach, saw some naked old people, got a tad sunburnt despite the spf 50 sunscreen, and took the train back at the end of the day. We bought pesto from a grocery store and pretty much it is the best pesto I have tasted in my entire life. SO good. The next day we hiked the last two hikes, starting from Monterosso and heading to Corniglia. BRUTAL. So so so many stairs. Huge stairs. Narrow paths. Intense heat. Amazing view. Totally worth it. We spent a while in Vernazza for lunch trying to avoid the peak sunlight hours, enjoying live music from buskers, and when we finally made it to Corniglia we went down hundreds of more steps (slight exaggeration) and made refreshing contact with the ocean...yay! The last day we just took the trains, spent the day at the beach in Vernazza, and watched the sunset at via dell'amore in RioMaggiore. Quite beautiful.
The last bus to our hostel was at 10:30 every night, but usually we caught the one before that. We watched the first 2 Bourne movies, saw a couch break (slightly scary moment, haha), did some laundry, had some wine, ate in a restaurant overlooking La Spezia, and had showers with see-through doors. Also, if Pompei (did I write about Pompei yet?) is the city with random dogs wandering around, Cinque Terre is full of random cats. Rather strange, but at least they were cute!

.Firenze.

2008-06-27T09:07:00.002-06:00

I know this blog is quite late...but I will try to remember as accurately as possible.
When we arrived in Florence it was during a heat wave and it was SO HOT, during siesta hours, with a cloudless sky and burning hot sun beaming upon us. We checked in to our hostel which, happily, had a pool! Unfortunately, we were staying in room 200, and although room 201 had been cleaned, 200 had not. We decided to wait in the air conditioned lobby for a while until it was ready, but left our luggage in the locked luggage room. About 2 hours later, our room still wasn't clean, but they gave us our keys anyways. The air-conditioning was not working (they finally fixed it our last day there) but we got to swim in their party-pool so that was lovely. The only thing with not having a/c during a heat wave in Florence is that you can't leave the screenless windows open at night because they have mosquitos, and I still have the bug bites to prove it.
Anyways...we had a lovely time in Florence. Pretty much...I bought most of my souvenirs there. I know, it's pretty silly to buy your souvenirs on the second city of your trip because you have to carry them around for the rest of your time...so: family, be happy! Look at the sacrifice I'm making for you. haha, just kidding...but I do hope you like what I got for you.
So, other than the markets, and the Duomo (which is way cooler on the outside than in, I thought...but it could be that I was a little churched-out and museumed-out by then) we got up early to miss the line and saw the Ufizzi galleries which were quite amazing, and went to Accademia to see the David which is absolutely remarkable. Also, I got requested to not take non-flash pictures in the musical instrument history section of the museum which had NO signs saying not to take photos. Actually, I only saw one sign in the whole museum, but it was covered by people and I saw it on the way out of the hall where the David was. So, oh well, I have a few decent shots of it. I paid 10 euros to get in there half an hour before it closed; I don't feel guilty at all.
On the map of Florence our hostel gave us there was a restaurant mentioned that said it would serve 2 courses, a salad, a drink, and a dessert for only 10 euros, so we determined that that would be a great lunch and possible spill over into dinner. It was kind of hidden, but we found it eventually, and this really cute waiter (I guess I didn't need to specify that he was cute...it is Italy) said he would give us the deal and seated us. We're pretty sure it was totally under the table...we never actually got a bill or anything...but it was amazing food. We got bowtie pasta with vegetables, turkey, potatoes, (BethL got tomatoes and mozzarella) and tiramisu...they skipped our salad, but we didn't really have room for it anyways. And we didn't have to buy supper, so great deal! Our waiter had been to Hamilton and Montreal before, and is going to Niagara Falls soon because his cousin who owns the Hyatt, Mariott, and Embassy Hotels there apparently. But he still has to pay for himself, his cousin won't do it.
Um...I think that's all I have to say about Florence right now...but in all it was a lovely city, and I loved the street artists and painters, but it was even more expensive than Rome over all I think.

.Roma.

2008-06-16T12:56:00.004-06:00

Well, I have been in Rome for 2 days now, and so far I am enjoying it quite a bit. The weather has been gorgeous! We got in late Saturday night and had a pleasant surprise at our hostel: free pasta, salad, and wine! The bathroom in that hostel was...interesting...it got cleaned every day which was great, but there was definately no place for the shower head and no shower curtain and only one hook...so that was quite the experience. We have met lots of nice people so far in our rooms so that is cool.
So far all I know in Italian other than grazie and how to count to ten is:
è sposato?
sono nubile.
Also, Beth has received the most bella comments thus far. We decided to keep a tally.
We have walked a lot so far! On Sunday we tried to go to a mass, but were unable, but we walked around a couple of churches. We found one that was giving a free Brahms concert in the evening, so we went to that, be we all started falling asleep so we left at the intermission. It was absolutely beautiful, but the jetlag won out that time. I have a list of all the highlights we have seen in Rome so far...but I will not bore you with that (yeah, sorry, I cannot do contractions because I cannot find the apostrophe).
Today we went to the Vatican City which was pretty amazing. Also, we got the student price, yay! We walked by the river a bit today, went to a cafe for coffee (well, Roz and Beth had coffee, except it was way too strong for Roz) and spent a while relaxing at Trevi Fountain with gelato. While we were there, a family getting a tour around the city via horse and carriage stopped at the fountain, and the horse parked directly behind me. The horse gently nudged me so I pet him a bit and then he turned away, but a few minutes later he tried to push me off the wall! It was kind of funny.
The metro this morning was a bit crazy...we tried to go early to beat the rush, but in the process of switching hostels, and having my alarm clock die, and having Roz lock her key into her backpack and have to knife it open, we ended up going during rush hour. There was a cute old man trying to talk to me, but he did not know any english. I think he was asking me if I like Roma, and I said si. He tried to get some boy to translate, and he said something like school is nice here? So I think maybe he wanted to know if we were students and if we thought Rome was nice, but I am not sure. I just smiled and said yes, haha.
Oooh! We saw an old aqua duct today! That was pretty cool, I thought.
The other day we bought some groceries but neglected to weigh and sticker the fruit (I totally forgot about that process) so we were going to pay for them and the cashier guy was like no no no no no no, grabbed our fruit, and got up and went to the fruit section. We were like, is he taking our fruit back because we did something wrong? No fruit today? but he actually just did it for us, so that was nice.
Tomorrow we are going to tour the Coliseum, and the next day the Borghese museum, and then Pompeii! I am not sure when I will blog again, but keep checking!

look out europe, here we come!

2008-06-13T09:13:00.003-06:00

Tonight, yes tonight (sorry, YL flashback there) I am flying to London via Montreal with my dear Roz and BethL.
So...if I suck it up at emailing for the next 6 or so weeks, don't take it personally. If you wanna know what's going on with me...check here!
The next time I write on here...I'll probably be in Rome.
Ciao!

.hiccups.

2008-06-01T11:59:00.002-06:00

I get hiccups a lot.
I don't know why. I've heard that you can get hiccups from eating too quickly. That's not the case with me. So...it's still a mystery.
Yesterday after dinner I began to hiccup, and my brother said maybe I'm allergic to something. How can allergies cause hiccups, I asked.
Well, he said, Laura gets hiccups when she eats...what is it she's allergic to?
Mushrooms, I provided for him. And she doesn't get hiccups...they make her sneeze!
Oh, well, close enough.

prisoner in my own home?

2008-05-29T14:12:00.003-06:00

So this week...we're having our driveway redone, and new windows put in.
So this week...I've been hiding in my basement, avoiding the chaos.
Only this week...the weather has been pretty nice...and I haven't had much opportunity to enjoy it.
I enjoyed the sun for a few minutes this afternoon while I waited for my mom to pick me up.
I went to the bank and got my new credit card. Since they sent my new one to the wrong address. 4 days after I had changed my address to the Ontario one. Good job, good job.
Anyways, I have a credit card again, so the plans for Europe must continue!
Oh! The other day I got Ben and Teri's wedding invitation...and I'm totally going to be in A'dam then (according to my current plans)!! Hoera!
And...now I'm back to reading and writing my life away.

.happenings in the sound.

2008-05-26T15:06:00.004-06:00

It's been almost a month since I last wrote...so I decided that even though I don't have much to say, I should probably say something!

I'm back in OS...it's the same as ever. Very pretty. Not a lot of people.

Roz and I went to the Drive-In the other day to see Prince Caspian...because our regular theatre is too small to be playing it...haha

I'm reading and writing and reading and writing and will hopefully have read 4 books and written 4 papers by June 7...which gives me a few days to actually finish, and to pack before leaving for Europe on June 13!

Roz and I fly out of Toronto, and dip into Montreal to pick up BethL on our way to London. And then to Rome...and around...

Pretty much, I am really excited. And I really want to see lots of old friends in and around Amsterdam (and also Tina!!!)...so...let's make it happen!

Ok, well, that's all I've got for now...back to my paper!

Do I look lost?

2008-04-27T22:23:00.003-06:00

Today was such a beautiful day, I decided to enjoy it by taking a long walk. At church this evening we had a potluck, so the direction I first headed was to Safeway to get some food.
On my way there, a shiny black SUV pulled up beside me and the guy started talking to me. At first I thought he might want directions, but he was actually asking me where I was going, what I was doing, and if I wanted a ride. I told him I was going for a walk and did not want a ride. As I kept walking, he pulled up beside me again and asked me again if I wanted a ride. Again I refused, and then he pulled a u-turn and speedily drove away.
It was a little weird, but I tried to shrug it off as I continued to Safeway. Once there, I decided that cookies would be a good choice for the potluck because they wouldn't melt or wither or spoil in the warmth of the sun. I stood in the cookie aisle scanning my options, and a Safeway worker asked me if I needed any assistance. I politely declined his offer, grabbed some cookies, and headed to the drink aisle because I wanted an Arizona green tea with ginseng and honey. As I was walking down the aisle (not even standing still looking) andother worker asked me if I needed any help finding anything. I smiled and said I was fine, grabbed my iced tea, and returned down the aisle to check out. He told me to have a nice day and that he'd see me again soon. (Not likely buddy)
So at this point I wondered if people were just feeling friendly from the sunny weather, or if I had something on my person that indicated that I am lost and/or confused. Nonetheless, I continued on my journey and walked down the hill towards the river.
On the bridge there was a lovely bench overlooking the river, and so I sat and enjoyed the sunshine and people watching. Got a couple shots of some brothers having a snowball fight. Oh the irony of wearing t-shirts and having snowball fights at the same time. Anyways, while I was sitting there sipping my iced tea a shiny black truck drove by and a bunch of guys pretending to be dogs stuck their upper bodies out of the windows and thankfully I did not catch what they said.

Unfortunately my stay in the park was shortened because I had forgotten to take into account the fact that tea makes me pee. So I continued my journey to the church, where I knew I could use the facilities. Since I was very early, I decided I would visit the house I'm hoping to move into in the fall to see if I could meet the landlady.

As I walked the few blocks over, a shiny black car pulled over and the two guys inside asked me where I was going, what I was doing, and if I wanted a ride. I responded that I was going for a walk, and no I did not want a ride anywhere. They pulled a u-turn and peeled off.

I continued to the house, and the landlady wasn't there, so I nipped over a block to see if Steve was home and to see if he thought I looked lost or if there was something odd looking about me today, but he was as bewildered as I.

Anyways, on a completely unrelated note, I graduated yesterday! I'll post some pictures soon on my other blog. I'm all packed up and mostly moved, and it's a bit of a strange feeling, but I've decided to enjoy this time of liminality. I fly back on Ontario on Tuesday, and it's a bit weird to think my time here is over (for now) but I didn't really say goodbye to anyone because, 1. I don't like goodbyes, and 2. I'm coming back in a few months.

I agree with Nicole

2008-04-09T23:36:00.000-06:00

a grand gesture would be wonderful

.in the midst.

2008-03-29T16:15:00.002-06:00

I think that so often the cry of my heart is something that God has already begun.
As I was going to spiritual direction today I was praying that I would become more aware of God in the mundane of life. I noticed a squirrel with something it its mouth and was immediately comforted that if God can provide enough food for that squirrel during winter, how much more will he care for me. It was a simple, beautiful prayer.
Anyways, I would begin to bare my soul here, but I have way too much homework, so until next time, here's something to contemplate:
"man fully alive is the glory of God"

.irony.

2008-02-14T14:38:00.002-07:00

I was just listening to a detective talk about sex crimes.
I was also munching on candy hearts.
I ate one that said "why wait" during a rape story.
sick.

also, I am now currently angry at Canadian law because our criminal code sucks regarding sexual assault. and you can get more time for drowning your cat than for anally raping someone.

.a million parachutes.

2008-02-13T23:43:00.001-07:00

Like a million parachutes
The snow's coming down
I'll lock up the front door
And turn the lights down
In the glow of the street lights
I see them descend
Like a million parachutes
Small men on a mission

I miss the warmth
And I miss the sun
I miss the ocean
I miss everyone
And I miss the bridges
That span across the bay
Tonight, it seems like ages ago

Like a million parachutes
the snow still falls
The dogs are asleep now
There's no one to call
I'll put on some records
And wait for the light
Under those million parachutes
Now a blanket of white.

I miss the warmth
I miss the sun
I miss the ocean
I miss everyone
And I miss the bridges
That span across the bay
Tonight, it seems like ages ago

~Sixpence None the Richer

.meh.

2008-01-31T21:56:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling sort of melancholy lately.
I think part of it is the fact that it's January, cold, dark, and wintery. With no money for winter sports. And no toboggan.
Part of it is also due to needing to learn how to balance the heaviness I pick up from others by listening to their stories with surrendering it to God. Because I still have to take responsibility for my role, but I can't allow their burdens to crush me. And I'm not going to lie...they are breaking my heart. I do not think this is either a good thing or a bad thing. It's just the way it is.
Another part is my looming future...which is so completely uncertain. As uncomfortable as it is to be stressed out with massive amounts of work to do in grad school, there is still comfort in its familiarity, and its ability to keep "the real world" at bay. I guess part of me is afraid of what to do when I hit the real world, because I don't really know what it is I want. I have all these pieces of dreams that don't seem to make sense together, at least not yet.
I enjoy counselling and I think that I am gifted at it, and I'm definitely learning a lot (which is seriously needed) but I cannot see myself doing this full time. It is too draining and exhausting, and I need to do something else with my life too. So how stupid does that seem to take a grad degree for something I want to do part time or as a volunteer? But I am trusting that God has brought me here for a purpose, and I have already seen how helpful this is in my life and my interactions with others, the way I view the world, and my relationship with God. So it is totally worth it. But still doesn't solve my "future career" issues.
I also have some ideas for books floating around in my head and still have not found the time to really get writing. That's one of my goals for this year...to get a lot more written on that front. I don't know if I will ever be published, but I need to get these stories out of me and allow them to live their own lives, however far-spread that may or may not be. I think that writing can be a very vulnerable thing...and I wonder if I ever finish a book if I would have the courage to publish it...it would take so much work to get it ready for that, but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
Then there's the whole "open an artsy cafe/bookstore" dream. My sister can have her art studio, maybe pottery, a place to teach kids art stuff, and it can be attached to this cafe/bookstore with a fireplace and cozy furniture with a gezellig atmosphere and room for live music...haha, yeah, dream on Megs. Meil says I should just have a room in the back where I can do my counselling, or spiritual direction or whatever. Hey, no one made any laws against dreaming...
Anyways, there is definitely a part of me that is ready to be done this whole school business and move on with life and remember what it was like to have friends and a social life, but there is another part of me that wants to stay safe and warm in this scholastic cocoon. But, let's be honest, I don't have a whole lot of choice in the matter...life goes on whether I want it to or not.
On my other blog I posted a song by Jackson Waters that echoes my heart right now...It is so true, and I love the honesty of the prayer, and am so thankful for God's response.
I think I tend to complicate things and think too much about details...at least lately I have been. And I know that I just need to trust; I just need to be the person God created me to be. So I'm learning how to be, and what that means for my life...and sometimes it's scary, because it's a very different way to live life.
But God's call really is simple, and I need to constantly keep that in the forefront of my mind.

2008-01-08T22:00:00.000-07:00

if given the choice between a dying seal and my nostrils taking flight...

...i think i'd choose leticia's butt

first post of the new year goes to...

2008-01-07T16:59:00.000-07:00

Banjo Man!
Ok, it's totally just coincidental that I haven't posted yet and he made me smile today and I felt like sharing, but whatever, props to him.
Today he said to me "Hey Darling! Happy New Year!" because I haven't seen him in 3 weeks.

On a completely unrelated note...I'm not really sure how I feel about it being 2008 already. Part of me is looking forward to what this year will bring, and part of me wants to be like superman and reverse the rotation of the earth to go back in time. But I am not superman, despite the fact that I have his costume...and so I must resign myself to going forward. Not that this is a bad thing; I do anticipate the journey of this year and the adventures it will hold...but maybe I'm feeling a little apprehensive about the mystery of it all. In any case, it is 2008 and classes have begun again and so has the frenzy of trying to get everything done in the small periods of available time.
A dear friend of mine gave me a journal which says on the cover "if you wish to be writer, write!" and I am encouraged once again to actually start writing more. Not for school, not for my blog, not for anyone else...and I am excited to see what will unfold.
And, already I have had some significant conversations this year. One was with a guy on a plane. We talked about spiritual direction, how to live peacefully, and Shane Claiborne's Irresistible Revolution. I was reminded of my old prayer that I would pray whenever I would travel or fly somewhere that I would have the opportunity to speak grace and truth into the life of another for God's glory. I haven't prayed that prayer in a while, and yet God gently reminded me of it by answering it before I thought to pray it myself. I am humbled and grateful...so grateful that God does not forget the prayers of my heart even if I occasionally lose sight of them.
And, already, I have been struck by the temporary nature of this world. A friend of mine experienced a traumatic experience on New Year's...she watched her apartment burn down. Nothing was salvageable, and while she had excellent insurance she currently has nothing. Of course, people are donating things to her so she can brush her teeth and change her clothes and stuff, but her two cats both died in the fire and all of her possessions have been ruined. Definitely not a pleasant welcome into the year 2008 for her, and yet she is not in despair. Maybe she's still in shock and reality hasn't quite kicked in, but I believe it's also due to her faith in God. I wonder what my reaction would be if I had been in a similar situation. I don't know, it's a good reminder for me to check my priorities.

Well, I think that's all I have to say today...I hope that you are experiencing God's blessings already this year in unique ways.

even though I said this break would be reading-free...

2007-12-21T19:35:00.001-07:00

This afternoon I read The Shack by William P. Young and I would recommend that you read it.
Now.

.home.

2007-12-19T20:54:00.000-07:00

I'm back!
And the ground is covered with over a foot of snow. Although it was kind of rainy today, so it's very compressed. I took a picture of it on my back deck actually, so I'll post it on here soon.
My mom made some shortbread and I'm not gonna lie...hers is so much better than mine. Same recipe though. But hers just totally melts in your mouth...I'm just going to say it's because she has an electric mixer and I don't. I know, it's a really lame excuse, but I'm going with it.
Right now I am eating ice cream. I know, it's a rare thing for me...but it's vanilla with blueberry ripple plus pomegranate sorbet mixed in. Amazing, eh? Not quite as good as that raspberry cheesecake something or other I had this summer at the ice cream place, but pretty good nonetheless.
I have just finished writing my last two papers of the semester (I know, I'm a ridiculous procrastinator, but I am quite pleased with how they've turned out!) and I am enjoying this incredible, RARE sense of freedom! What shall I do with myself?
Well, actually, my schedule is quite full and not quite as relaxing as I would have hoped, but it's ok. Tomorrow I'm going to visit my grandma in Toronto with my mom, and possibly go skating with my brother (depending on when my mom and I go/come back).
Also, my bro and I are going to watch every episode of Chuck this break, which we've already gotten a pretty good start on...
My sister and bro-in-law are coming up for the weekend, so we'll have our family Christmas early. I guess I had better make my cards ASAP! At least everything else is done...
Also, BethL is in town for a few days so I think she, Roz and I will be chillaxing together on Saturday for some portion of the day.
So...that's a look at my next few days because I probably won't be on here too frequently. Which is not that unusual for me anymore, but I never had any die-hard fans (not of the movies, of my blog) anyways, so there's less motivation for keeping up the blog.
And on that rambling note...I'm out!

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas...

2007-12-10T08:25:00.000-07:00

and it's not just because of the snow.
Friday night I went to Handel's Messiah with some friends, and then to Steve and Luke's tree decorating party, and then on Saturday morning I had a Christmas party at the dorm and that night we had the Seminary Christmas party.
So 4 things in 2 days pretty much puts me in the Christmas mood.
Only, oh wait, I still have papers to write! must get back to that now...

.transit talk.

2007-12-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

This morning as I was waiting for my bus, Jeremiah joined me and we chatted until the bus came.
Then I got on the bus, and my "bus buddy" was there. She is from New Brunswick and we met one day while waiting for a bus from Dalhousie. She works at the Calgary Tower, and we've bumped into each other 3 or 4 times now and always just chat about our lives and stuff. So that was kind of fun to "catch up" with her again.
Then when we were on the train fox tail guy totally made my day! He got on at a station and then leapt toward the door to open it again, stood in it for a second and then backed up. He totally opened it to make sure that some people were able to make it on the train. First of all this made me happy because everyone's always so closed off in their own little worlds and personal bubbles on transit that I was amazed that he noticed their need to get on the train. Secondly, they were homeless-looking people, and one of them was in a wheelchair. I loved that he extended this courtesy to these men.
On the way home today there was hardly anyone on the train, so I decided to take a little nap. In between University and Brentwood station a man appeared, sitting across from me, and said "Are you having a good day?" which startled me awake and I said "Yes" and then he asked "Have you missed your stop?" and I smiled and said "No" and then he disappeared again. Nice of him to check on me, I guess. Anyways, by the time I made it to Dalhousie, I was the only person on my entire train car. Weird.

.random tidbits.

2007-11-30T23:48:00.000-07:00

The other day my counsellor told me that he thinks that if I had been born 30 or 40 years earlier and was Catholic I probably would have become a nun.

Yesterday I was helping a lady at the Pregnancy Centre find some clothes for her really cute baby girl, and so I kept her daughter occupied while she found stuff. She asked me if I liked kids, and I said yes, and then she said, "You need to get married and have some now!" and then she told me "You have a very nice body" and a little while later she said that again to Tina and me. I thought it was amusing.

Let's see, what else...um, I made chicken tonight and it was heel lekker, if I do say so myself. Very excited by the fact that I have leftovers.

Oh! I am apparently very good at crying on command. I was doing a role play at the Centre for Leah to practice, and I totally busted out the tears and had to break character to assure Barb and Leah that I was in fact acting and this really wasn't my story. Thankfully. It was quite the heartbreaking story. It may become a book someday actually...

Ok, I think that's all for now. I'm listening to Weezer's "Undone -the Sweater Song" right now which makes me happy.

The End.

appreciating a second opinion

2007-11-02T19:19:00.000-06:00

The other day while grabbing a bite to eat before rushing off elsewhere, my housemate Marley and I flipped on the news. The federal government had just announced their plan for tax cuts.
My initial thought about paying only 5% GST was "sweet" because, duh, I save more money.
But I am so thankful to have been watching it with Marley, because she really checked my thinking. Her response to this news was anger. She got incredibly upset with the government for making this decision. She figures that if we as a country don't personally need that 1% then think of all the amazing things we can do with that money for other countries in desperate need. It's true...we are an incredibly wealthy country, and I believe that with that comes responsibility to provide for others out of our abundance. I realize that this most frequently occurs on a personal level, but wouldn't it be incredible if it happened on such a large scale on a national level?

.love.

2007-11-01T07:03:00.000-06:00

Last week I was at the health clinic with my roommate, and while she was in with the stupid* doctor I waited in, get this, the waiting room. Yup.
So anyways, while I was waiting I was doing some reading for a class, but I was also doing a little eavesdropping. Waiting rooms are good places for people watching I have decided. There was a mom with two little kids, who were quite well-behaved I might add. The boy had found a book and was showing it to his mom. I guess there was a picture of a toy gun inside because he felt compelled to tell her, "Mommy, you know what's not dangerous? This gun. It doesn't actually work, mommy. It won't hurt anybody." I guess he wanted her to feel safe.
The cute part I was trying to get to in this ever-lengthening story happened a while later. He suddenly turned to his mom and said, "Mommy, mommy, you know what's not dangerous? LOVING!" and he gave her a great big hug.
At this point I thought two things..."how sweet" and "oh to be so innocent."
Obviously this boy and his mother have a very positive, loving relationship. We are told that perfect love casts out fear, so in his limited life experience love has never caused him pain or been a risk.
But...for most of us, that's not really the case. I have a number of friends who recently went through some breakups, and I am reminded of the risk it is to love others. They are going through some very real pain because of their choice to love another. And I'm not saying it's better to not have loved another; in a lot of ways that would be even more dangerous. I'm simply acknowledging that unfortunately, we do not love perfectly, and therefore it is always a risk. As Jack Johnson so eloquently puts it, "lovin' somebody don't make them love you."
It makes me so incredibly grateful that God loved us, loved me, so much that he chose to send his Son. Seriously, what greater love, and what greater pain? I am so thankful that God said that we are, that I am, worth the risk of love and sacrifice.

* ok, I know that I am not doctor, but I do feel that I can call him a childish name of "stupid" because I think it's pretty clear when someone has been unable to keep any food down or up for a week and her body has broken out into hives then there's something about that that is "not normal" and you don't just send her home, tell her she's an idiot for thinking there's something wrong, and leave her with the advice that she should "make a lifestyle change."

sweet relief

2007-10-30T22:33:00.001-06:00

So I thought I'd quickly give you an update, since my last post left you thinking I was in a meltdown. Which I was. But am no longer.
What ended up happening is...I decided to drop a course. If you know me at all you know this was not an easy decision, but I do believe that it is the best decision I could have made. I know that my health and sanity are more important than being done everything by April.
Thankfully, I can still graduate in April and then take this last course in the fall. So that is nice.
I am also feeling glad to know where I'll be for at least part next year. I am looking forward to living in Calgary, having a job, taking one course, and being able to live life for real next fall. It seems like so long since I've "really lived" and I know that a lot of that is my own fault for rushing through this two year program in two years. (Oh, wait, is that maybe the school's fault for advertising it as a two year program when it should take at least 2.5, more likely 3 years?)
Regardless, I am glad to be here for longer (even though Ontario weather and beaches are better and fall is way prettier) and I am also so thankful to have some opportunity to being really living right now.
Part of that is getting involved in my church. I have been so blessed to find Awaken, a church that just feels like home. Their vision just fits my heart and I am excited about getting to know the people there more and getting more involved in life and ministry there. (By "there" I suppose I mean the community, not really a specific place. that just seems like the easiest word to use right now)
Anyways, just wanted to calm your fears about my sanity. I am feeling much better, a lot less stressed now that I have one less course to worry about. I'm still really busy, but it's manageable.
Thank you for your prayers! I have really appreciated them.

sidenote: my roomie works at Starbucks and they're allowed to dress up for Halloween tomorrow. She's thinking of going as a Tim Hortons worker. Double-Double anyone?

breakdown

2007-10-17T16:44:00.000-06:00

So...the reason why I haven't been able to post on here lately is because I am insanely busy.
I have been so stressed out with school and internship and having no time for anything else, not even time to vent let alone time to actually learn, and today I finally broke down.
The timing wasn't the greatest (in Rick's class. classic.) but it was very healing. Then again, maybe the timing was good since I wasn't wearing any makeup today and didn't have to worry about smeared mascara or anything. It was one of those lovely tales of me sobbing in the bathroom with Ashley holding me up, because otherwise I literally would have collapsed. So technically I missed about 45 minutes of class, but we were doing lament psalms today, so basically I just prayed my own instead. And I am so thankful that I had this opportunity to unload, although it wasn't really that there was an opportunity for it, but rather I was no longer capable of holding it in.
Anyways, I am still stressed and overwhelmed, but I'm feeling more at peace about everything. Also, I start my counselling next Wednesday, so that will be good too. I think Wednesdays will now be scheduled in as "emotional days". I know, I'm seriously unhealthy, but somehow I am surviving. Not living, but surviving. Pray that I learn how to live in the midst of this!

challenge

2007-10-14T08:22:00.000-06:00

"There is no greater disaster in the spiritual life than to be immersed in unreality, for life is maintained and nourished in us by our vital relation with reality"

~Thomas Merton, quoted in Benner's The Gift of Being Yourself

Sorry to everyone that I haven't blogged much lately...it's not that I haven't wanted to, it's that I honestly have not had time. Hopefully I'll get something more substantial up here soon...but for now, it's back to homework.

Nynke's visit

2007-09-21T17:16:00.000-06:00

So...for the past week Nynke has been visiting me. We enjoyed all four seasons...yes, it even snowed. On Wednesday we got off the c-train to my exclamation of "het sneeuwt!" except I totally botched the pronunciation. Regardless, I did a little excited dance on the street corner and got some strange looks. I know, I'm how old, and I still haven't learned to control myself in public...haha
Anyways! We did touristy stuff, like the Calgary Tower and Banff. And we went to Chinook Shopping Centre (that's right, it's so big it's not even a mall) and TD Square and Stephen Ave. Yeah, so a lot of shopping apparently, haha. Oh, we also went to see the Nanny Diaries which I thought was a really cute movie. But I like most movies that have "real" characters.
Oh, on Tuesday we went to Focus, and the guys cooked us dinner. And serenaded us. It was so fun; what special guys. I'm still trying to get the video of their song up on facebook...it keeps freezing every time I try, and I'm not computer savvy enough to know how to fix it.
Let's see, what else...ummm...I was going to integrate pictures with this blog, but I think I may as well make use of my photo blog for that. And maybe I'll post the video there too :)
It was so so good to see Nynke again...but dang time flew! It was fun to reminisce about our Shelter days together for sure...I'm still feeling a little nostalgic, but it won't last long since I've got a buttload of work to pump out this next week. Joy!
Well, Karyn's nephew Elijah is sleeping over tonight and he's pretty much the cutest boy ever (I know Nynke, I think all kids are cute...but he really is!) so I think I'm going to go hang out downstairs...after I finish hemming these pants. I know, I'm such a multi-tasker. But seriously...they don't make pants that fit me...they would fit if my legs happened to be 6 inches longer...but can you imagine how disgustingly skinny my legs would look? I mean, even more than they already do...*shudder* Well, enough ranting about something I can't change
Doei!

miserable

2007-09-06T16:26:00.000-06:00

It's a full 20 degrees warmer at home than it is here today.
That is because Calgary decided it was ready for fall. Today.
*sigh* goodbye sun, hello fading tan...

life

2007-09-04T20:39:00.000-06:00

You know, somehow I felt more inspired to blog when I was back "home". Not sure why, but whatever. I'll try to keep it up here.
I went to school today to pay my bill...and get my transit pass, yay! I also went to the new student luncheon to meet the new students, of course. And to get a free lunch. What can I say? They serve really good lunches there, and plus I missed the one last year I think maybe. Ok, I don't really remember, but either way I was welcome, haha.
I'm looking forward to my new classes, even though I'm still not done one class from the summer. I've got a few more months to work on it, along with the 4 more that I'm starting now. So it's all good.
I'm looking forward to being an off-campus dorm sister this year. It will be great to be able to connect with some of the students and invest in their lives.
I'm also looking forward to my internship (wow, I'm looking forward to a lot of things, eh?). It will be an amazing, challenging, growing experience.
Ok, I think that's all for now...be blessed!