My identity as Abba's child is not an abstraction or tap dance into religiosity. It is the core truth of my existence. Living in the wisdom of accepted tenderness profoundly affects my perception of reality, the way I respond to people and their life situations...Whenever I allow anything but tenderness and compassion to dictate my responses to life--be it self-righteous anger, moralizing, defensiveness, the pressing need to change others, carping criticism, frustration at others' blindness, a sense of spiritual superiority, a gnawing hunger of vindication--I am alienated from my true self. My identity as Abba's child becomes ambiguous, tentative, and confused...The way of tenderness...seeks to see with penetrating clarity. The compassion of God in our hearts opens our eyes to the unique worth of each person. The other is "ourself"; and we must love him in his sin as we were loved in our sin.
~Brennan Manning, "Abba's Child"

gone fishing

This afternoon I decided to go fishing with Ben.
We cycled all around town and ended up at Harald's where he served us a very lekker dinner. (and I did not get food poisoning!) Then I borrowed a non-fishy heineken poncho/towel and a 7 meter long pole from Harald and we walked down to the canal.
Let it be known that while I enjoy fishing, I am most definitely not a pro.
My first hook is still in a tree.
I accidentally let my first 2 or 3 fish go before reaching the surface.
So when I felt a tug and Harald and Ben said "pull up" I did. The poor fish flew into the tree and then smashed into the cement before flopping back into the water (which all happened much to fast to get a picture to prove I'd caught anything) and I felt pretty bad for the poor thing, and for Harald's pole which kept getting caught. But it was set free, and re-baited (is that a word?) and then my little fish (named Schaatje) was found floating sideways in the water! Sad story. I did not want to be a fish killer, but I thought I might as well get a picture with the little fellow, so I got the net. And it rebooted some life into Schaatje! He started swimming a bit, which made me happy, but not so long later he started floating sideways and then upside down. Sad story, but now at least I have a picture of him...
Then I caught an eel. It was gross and nasty and I refused to touch him. His name is Oscar because it's an ugly name (ie, Oscar the grouch) for an ugly fishy thing. Ben was very excited that I caught an eel, cuz he's never caught one before, but it was extremely difficult to release him because he was so slippery and writhing. Grossness! But happier that I caught an eel and not just a tiny flying (however accidental the flying part) fish.
Ben caught a couple of normal fish, and then I wanted to try to fish with his pole. Cast it out fine the first couple times, and then (of course) it got stuck in the tree. So now there are 2 hooks (thankfully cheap lures or whatever they're called) in the tree. But at least there are some funny stories to tell.

I'm excited about prayer!

So recently I've been really desiring to pray more and deeper...so when school on Monday was on prayer and missions, I was very excited. I'm even going back today on my day off, haha. Anyway, our teacher mentioned a book called "Red Moon Rising" (which I want, and by the way my birthday is coming up, haha) and lent it to me. I have to give it back today, but I'm almost done it anyways. But yeah, it's got me even more excited.
Then last night Sarah and I went on an adventure, camping by the lake. And as we were there there were two people fighting with each other. So of course we started to pray. We were afraid the girl was going to be raped, and boy did we pray! It was so awesome and powerful...and sad at the same time. They were running away from God. As we covered the field in prayer they got on their bike and went away, but we could still hear them and see their bike light. So we just prayed even more, for I don't know how long, but they can't outrun God. I feel like this is a very unexciting rendition of our intense time of prayer, but it's really early in the morning and we just got back, so I'll write more of my thoughts on prayer after I catch some zzz's.

Michael

This morning I was chatting with the cleaners before giving them their morning chores. As I was going back inside Michael called out, "Meghan! Meghan! First, first, can I kill myself first and then make my beds?"
"Sorry Michael, it doesn't work that way too well." Haha, I don't know, we all thought it was funny.

I was driving north of Amsterdam with Susana and Maarten tonight and discovered a cute Dutch custom. When students pass their final exams in high school they hang a backpack on a Dutch flag on their houses.

heaven on earth?

Today I experienced the best of both worlds...I'm enjoying my time here in this beautiful city, and able to go to a lake (reminiscent of summers at home) at the same time. I'm a little sunburnt, but it is so worth it. I went swimming! It has been too long since I've done that, and in a lake (instead of the ocean) is so leuk! Of course, we swam to the other side and back (while leaving our bikes and things unattended...perhaps not the smartest thing to do, but praise the Lord no one touched our stuff) and we also made a synchro routine. Beautiful. I think Christina got it on video, so I'll post it on my photo blog soon.
There were some teen guys jumping off the bridge next to our spot on the shore and so we thought that would be a wonderful idea. Until Anne went around to take pictures from in the water and was standing. So we discovered that it was shallow. I jumped anyways...trying to do some sort of shallow jump/canon ball/whatever wouldn't make me die. It was quite thrilling, even if the water was only up to my chest. So I suppose that it's not quite the same as home, but close enough to make me really extremely happy.
I've also decided that if I'm ever blessed enough to own a house I would LOVE for it to be on a lake or a river (preferably a lake that freezes in winter and can be a skating rink as well). Hmm, too bad Uncle Glenn and Aunt Leona sold their house a decade too early, haha.

Barry's farewell letter

as translated by Matthieu:

To the Shelter team,

I leave this hostel and its really kind staff members with joy because of the sympathy they showed me, of all the presents and especially the positive words and prayers. All these things can only bring me to a really deep joy. In the other side, I am also sad because I would like to stay longer with you. It was a great pleasure for me to work among you during these 31 days.

I leave this place with only one regret: that I couldn't communicate with peoples as I wished because of the language problem.

The experience I have acquired is bigger than the service (work) I have done. My knowledge of the Bible had also become huge in comparing to how it was before I came here. This helps me to the Christianity differently.

I will remember the word "thank you" which was always said to me before or after my work when I only do what I have to do.

I can't leave you without asking forgiveness to everyone which I may hurt and says that it wasn't by purpose that I did it.

I say to you a big "THANK YOU" for everything you have done and have been for me and the others during my stay here. I encourage you to keep on going and do more and more.

May God bless you, Amen

Barry

i cycle quickly

Today I passed a ferrari on my bicycle.

the sun is shining!

Today we said goodbye to Jimmy and Barry. They were great cleaners and a lot of fun to hang out with. We had some good conversations. I am so thankful for what God has done and is continuing to do in Jimmy's life especially...it's so cool! And now Jimmy has Canada on his list of future destinations, and it definitely wasn't there before. So who knows? Maybe I'll see him again!
The other night we had a line dancing outreach in the cafe. It was quite fun, and while some guests (boys mostly, haha) decided to watch and laugh, a number of others (male and female) joined in and had a lot of fun. Becky also shared her testimony and it was really good. So I'll be posting some pictures and videos on my other blog soon.
Also, finally, we have sunshine again! Today at least. That is very exciting, and while it's not exactly warm, it's definitely not cold either. 15 degrees is decent. I know to everyone at home that's not the June weather you're experiencing, but I am pleased because it is so much nicer than what it's been like here recently.
I've been thinking lately of all the things I still need to do before I leave. You know, all those museums I could have gone to all year, but always put it off since "hey, I'm here for a year, there's plenty of time still." And now I'm realizing that the "plenty of time" has dwindled. I guess I'll just have to plan my days with a lot more structure than usual.
For those of you who don't know yet, I'll be flying home on July 13. It's a little sooner than originally planned, but my school is starting a little sooner than originally planned, haha. But it will be nice to be home for a few weeks to readjust a bit, and I am thankful. God really worked a miracle with the flights (also thanks to my mom for not giving up) and so that's super cool. So now, not only do I need to plan my life for my last few weeks in Amsterdam, I also need to figure out how I'm going to see all my friends in Ontario and New York in 2 weeks, haha. Oh well, I'm not worrying about that...I'm sure something will work out somehow.
We have a lot of new staff here...they're pretty cool. It's funny to realize that we'll be leaving at the same time, or me even sooner! It's good to see all the gaps being filled (we finally have enough staff...for the first time since I've been here!) and it's also nice to know that when I leave I won't be leaving a huge hole that will be difficult to fill.

pond to ocean

The adjustment went pretty well.
Only somehow we made some 130 odd euros for the City today.
Other than a few hiccups, it was quite a fun (albeit long) day.
Now I can officially say I've worked at both the Jordan and the City. Not that it really matters, haha.
Anyhow, it was fun to see Pauline again, and it was fun to hang out with their cleaners (who are pretty cool, I must say).
And it is fun to be able to tell *them* that even though we have "baby backpack" it's really not that much different, and not that much more difficult at the City, so they should stop mocking us.

jars of clay

Show You Love

Speak- say the words that no one else will ever say

Love- love like the world we know is over in a day

I'm gonna show you a love in every language

I'm gonna speak with the words that need no form

I'm gonna give you what you never had before

You're beautiful and I am weakened by the force of your eyes

So shine bright to separate the truth from the lies

I'm gonna show you love

I'm gonna show you a love in every language

I'm gonna speak with the words that need no form

I'm gonna give you what you never had before

So tie me to a tree and let the smoke and ash collect

No, I won't regret to let love do what love will let

We can drown in mixed emotions or walk across an angry sea

This is the cost of being free

My Heavenly

Let the wind fall wild across my path

Even though we barely move, there's no turning back

There is a river, there is a road, place of holy riches untold

It's where I'm supposed to be... my heavenly

I know it never feels right to let go of the safety we're used to holding so tight

But there's a lion underneath these skies

Though love cries, love will rise... my, my, my heavenly

So fly me higher, higher, hope fill me, keep me here

Love lion, my, my...

So when I'm lonely or when I'm old, life is more behind me

All the stories have been told

I can fix my gaze up through the clouds

Where I'm gonna be, where I'm gonna be... my heavenly

My, my heavenly

My heavenly

Needful Hands

For those under the clouds

Staring up in awesome wonder

As tears come slowly down

I'm reaching up a needful hand

You are my eyes when I cannot see

You are my voice, see, sing through me

You are my strength in weakness be

To find that I could fall

And still your grace surrounds, pursuing

To freely stumble down

I feel your hands around my heart

You are my strength, my voice, my eyes

I lift up needful hands

You are my strength, my voice, my eyes

I lift up needful hands

negativity

Sometimes I can be very negative. Why is it easier to complain than to be thankful? There really are so many more things to be thankful for than to complain about.
Like Ed's improving attitude. And Jimmy's response to God. And fun conversations with guests. And even making dinner, haha. With a very slippery floor. And Dallas's first experience hitch hiking on a bike. And not falling into a canal. haha. And having a boat on our kitchen roof. And not having sore legs after climbing 480ish steps yesterday. (woohoo!) And the fact that Nicole is coming back, and we're going to line dance in the cafe with the guests, haha. And the hot chocolate at the Jordan. And being goofy playing pool. And being able to escape from people when needed (unlike poor Dave in Tenerife). And almost learning Freek's tree song finally, haha. And ok, I'm thinking of a lot of things, but I don't feel like writing them down here, so too bad for you.

staff day

Thanks to everyone who's been praying for Jimmy...he got a camera today. Similar to his old one. And free. So cool!
We went to Utrecht today. It was quite fun...I posted some pictures on my photo blog, but I'll put more/better ones up later.

chinese characters

Jimmy wrote our names in kanji tonight. Mine were the characters meaning "beautiful" and "root" so I think if I ever form a band I'm going to name it "beautiful roots" or something.
Matthew was "horse" "4" "study" and Freek was *something, i forget. then* "good will" "loyalty"

Jimmy

Yesterday Jimmy's camera (and money) was stolen. He is from Malaysia, so his camera is very important to him. He handled it so well, and tried so hard to stay positive about the whole situation.
Cameron suggested that we make a sign that says "we love you Jimmy" and each of us take a funny picture with the sign around the hostels and then we'll print them and give them to him. He will really like this.
Today Desiree told him where to go to buy cheap disposable cameras, and he took the last 5 the store had, haha. Good for him. He's really happy, but at the same time, he knows that his material possessions won't last forever. I think it's a good lesson, even though it's really sad.
Anyhow, today we had 80 Dutch students come tour our house and hostels. This afternoon when they were in our cafe I suddenly heard Jimmy's voice, so I ran to the door with Tina and we poked our heads out. Here is what we heard him say (after he explained about his job cleaning here).
"It is no coincidence that I am here. I got to meet Jesus. The staff are so friendly and generous. These two months in the shelters is my most precious time of my life. I got to meet Jesus."
whoa! It is so cool to discover that about him in this way...he never said anything to us (he just listens closely in cleaner time, but rarely talks about what he's learning) and yet he tells a whole room full of people. So cool. God is so good.

Ricardo

Meghan, if you were offered 300 million euros a month would you take it?

Mmm, probably not. What would I do with all that money? I don't need it.

Come on, 300 million euros a month! All you'd have to do is play football for five years.

Five years...maybe if I liked what I was doing. But that's a long time. I don't think I'd do it.

Yeah you would. When you saw the first cheque your eyes would go *bing shows big eyes* and you'd take it.

Well, I'd have to pray about it first. It's a lot of responsibility to have that much money. I wouldn't know who to give it to, or how much to which thing. I certainly wouldn't want it.

Haha, he could not understand me at all...it was really amusing.

Walk by Faith

Will I believe you when you say

Your hand will guide my every way

Will I receive the words you say

Every moment of every day

I will walk by faith even when I cannot see

Because this broken road repares your will for me

Help me to rid my endless fears

You've been so faithful for all my years

With one breath you made me new

Your grace covers all I do

Well I'm broken but I still see your face

Well you've spoken pouring your words of grace

Jeremy Camp

My new favourite thing to do

while riding my bicycle is to have Dave on the back giving me a massage.
It was so great to have him here for a day...we got to have a good talk. That guy has grown so much in the Lord; it never ceases to amaze me. God is so powerful, and when we surrender our whole lives to him he does so much...the changes are so evident in Dave's life, and he's such an encouragement to me. Also, he's got a lot of wisdom through his time spent abiding in Christ and that's pretty sweet, cuz he's not afraid to share it. Cool beans.

Also, I got to talk to my parents on skype today, and my dad was playing piano in the background. Too funny. Totally made my day; I could picture him grinning away as he plunked on unknown keys.

Well, I'm off to eat cookie dough now...courtesy of Joshua (and my vanilla).

I smell like a pancake

It feels like the past few days have been nonstop. I had 3 morning shifts in a row, then I went to Ewout's to babysit Joa, then I had an afternoon shift and outreach (and scrabble. Freek won by 1 point. grr), then I had morning shift, then I went to the Naked Inside concert, then I had morning shift again...Ik ben moe!
But it was really cool to babysit Joa...it was nice to get away for a day and have a change of pace. Plus, he's a really cute kid and fun to be around (and he didn't poop his diaper all afternoon!) haha. I'll put up some pics on my other blog.
Yesterday I travelled to Sliedrecht to hear Naked Inside play their last show for the second time (haha). It was pretty fun...I got to nap in the car at least. And Michel's cats are anorexic I think. Freek thinks they're just shaved funny, but I think it must be a combination.
Anyhow, there was this punk band who opened for Naked Inside called Hookman. They sound just like every punk band in high school that played in the talent shows. It was so fun...brought back memories, haha. Also, Dutch people (at least the ones who were at this show) do not know how to skank. Although, I'm pretty poor at it myself, so I shouldn't talk. But it was quite fun anyways, even if the old fogeys *coughbencoughfreekcoughmarco* didn't dance. And their cd was only 4 euro 50, which is a good price for the Netherlands, even if there are only 4 songs, haha.
Oh! Also, I met Rebecca, and she went to Capernwray Harbour and knows Karen Caple. So that was kinda fun.
So, ok, I think my blog now contains an adequate update of my life, albeit shortened. Goed zo.

Nijmegen

So this weekend 12 of us ventured out into the mountains of Nijmegen...mountains being a relative term comparing to the rest of the Netherlands. We called it "Spies in the Land" and since there were 12 of us, we got renamed (based on age).
Our goal was to meet with various people of the city to see if it is spiritually ready for a church plant. We got to have some great conversations with a lot of different people. Many people are seeking some kind of spirituality, but have had bad experiences with the church, or with hypocritical Christians. Often when they were critical about something, I found myself agreeing with them.
Anyhow, Eric already posted a good explanation of what we did in Nijmegen here, so check it out.
One good (and funny) quote Gerard and I heard this weekend: "Orthodox's scare me like hell!"
Sad but true.
Go here to see pictures.
ps, I would like to point out the fact that I can imitate the Nijmegen accent quite well...to the great amusement of the Dutchies.