Nynke's visit

So...for the past week Nynke has been visiting me. We enjoyed all four seasons...yes, it even snowed. On Wednesday we got off the c-train to my exclamation of "het sneeuwt!" except I totally botched the pronunciation. Regardless, I did a little excited dance on the street corner and got some strange looks. I know, I'm how old, and I still haven't learned to control myself in public...haha
Anyways! We did touristy stuff, like the Calgary Tower and Banff. And we went to Chinook Shopping Centre (that's right, it's so big it's not even a mall) and TD Square and Stephen Ave. Yeah, so a lot of shopping apparently, haha. Oh, we also went to see the Nanny Diaries which I thought was a really cute movie. But I like most movies that have "real" characters.
Oh, on Tuesday we went to Focus, and the guys cooked us dinner. And serenaded us. It was so fun; what special guys. I'm still trying to get the video of their song up on facebook...it keeps freezing every time I try, and I'm not computer savvy enough to know how to fix it.
Let's see, what else...ummm...I was going to integrate pictures with this blog, but I think I may as well make use of my photo blog for that. And maybe I'll post the video there too :)
It was so so good to see Nynke again...but dang time flew! It was fun to reminisce about our Shelter days together for sure...I'm still feeling a little nostalgic, but it won't last long since I've got a buttload of work to pump out this next week. Joy!
Well, Karyn's nephew Elijah is sleeping over tonight and he's pretty much the cutest boy ever (I know Nynke, I think all kids are cute...but he really is!) so I think I'm going to go hang out downstairs...after I finish hemming these pants. I know, I'm such a multi-tasker. But seriously...they don't make pants that fit me...they would fit if my legs happened to be 6 inches longer...but can you imagine how disgustingly skinny my legs would look? I mean, even more than they already do...*shudder* Well, enough ranting about something I can't change
Doei!

miserable

It's a full 20 degrees warmer at home than it is here today.
That is because Calgary decided it was ready for fall. Today.
*sigh* goodbye sun, hello fading tan...

life

You know, somehow I felt more inspired to blog when I was back "home". Not sure why, but whatever. I'll try to keep it up here.
I went to school today to pay my bill...and get my transit pass, yay! I also went to the new student luncheon to meet the new students, of course. And to get a free lunch. What can I say? They serve really good lunches there, and plus I missed the one last year I think maybe. Ok, I don't really remember, but either way I was welcome, haha.
I'm looking forward to my new classes, even though I'm still not done one class from the summer. I've got a few more months to work on it, along with the 4 more that I'm starting now. So it's all good.
I'm looking forward to being an off-campus dorm sister this year. It will be great to be able to connect with some of the students and invest in their lives.
I'm also looking forward to my internship (wow, I'm looking forward to a lot of things, eh?). It will be an amazing, challenging, growing experience.
Ok, I think that's all for now...be blessed!

catch up

Well, I'm still in Owen Sound for a few more days. Madly trying to get a pile of homework done before I go back to Calgary...
But in the midst of the homeworking I've fit in some other things. Like yesterday I went to the mall with my mom. Believe it or not, I haven't actually been to the mall yet this summer (I tried to go once, but it wasn't open yet), so I was surprised to discover a new store. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Owen Sound finally got a Le Chateau.
Also, last night my dad and I went golfing. I am, as expected, terrible, but it was still a lot of fun. My putting is really what killed me. I need to learn to put a lot more softly. Anyways, we got to see a sweet sunset on the way back from Chesley Lake, so that was lovely.
Today I'm going to finish up some more homework, and then Roz and I are going to the drive-in tonight. Even though we've already seen one of the movies that's playing. They didn't have very good options so far this summer. I think we're going to see Bourne and Hairspray. Yeah, weird combo, but we're switching screens in between movies cuz whatever's playing after Bourne and before Hairspray we didn't want to see.
Then tomorrow, I guess, I'll have to finish interviewing my couple for my marriage and family practicum. Plus finish whatever papers I don't finish today.
And then on Thursday...I'll head back home to Calgary.
ps, I love that I call this home, and that home. Everywhere and nowhere is my home. Or maybe I'm just in a nomadic stage. Anyways, that's the plan for the rest of the week, in case you cared, haha.

stylin'

So this morning when I got up it was overcast and grey, so I put on jeans.

Not accounting for the fact that, oh yeah, I'm in Ontario right now, which inevitably means: humidity.

So whatever, I'm lazy and stay in my jeans all day, not bothering to change.

This evening I just rolled up the pant legs.

Not like, multiple rolls a few inches wide with both legs even.

No, no.

Just one roll.

And kind of just let them fall down or stay or whatever they wanted to do.

The point was to expose my not-recently-shaved legs to air.

And it worked.

Only...I forgot how stylin' I was and went out to the grocery store to buy my brother pop and my mother bread (wow, that could be a really funny sentence if you didn't speak English as a first language) and wandered all around the store with my legs in the aforementioned state.

Totally didn't realize it until I was out of the store, and I had to laugh at myself :)

Smooth, stylin' Megs.

Yup, that's me.

adjustments

The thing I'm not quite used to yet about being back at my parents' is the time it takes to get anywhere in Owen Sound. I'm meeting a friend at 6 for dinner. At 5:45 I thought, "Oh, I need to get going!" and then shook my head at myself. I don't need to leave until 5:55. In Calgary I would have had to leave at least by 5:15. Ahh, the small town life. I love it! Of course, it is also beneficial that when I'm here I have access to a car...

quote of the night

"is that a guy? ... oh, no, it's a transformer"

ahh BethL, I love you :)

snapshots of friends

I am so blessed!

I have so many wonderful, wonderful friends.

The down-side of this fact is that they are all scattered around the globe, and I am so, so lonely in Calgary. Generally they are not in visiting distance, with some exceptions (like Nynke! who is visiting me in Calgary in September). But for the most part, the physical distance remains and we are forced to maintain our friendships on a technological basis.

Recently I have been able to see a lot of my friends again. One of the joys of coming back to Ontario is that many of my friends are a lot closer. Still not an easy distance, but much more accomodating than Calgary, for instance.

The other night Roz, BethL and I hung out at Roz's house. It was so good to spend time with these girls again, and share our hearts together. Even some tears, and no, it wasn't just me. I found that time to be so healing and very special. I am so blessed to have these wonderful friends with whom I can pick up where we left off. We've been friends for so many years, and it's amazing that we're still so close (when we have the chance). I would say that Roz definitely gets the prize among the three of us for keeping in touch, since she does physical things like cards in the mail. Quite impressive. But it's so nice to know that those life-lines are intact and available.

Yesterday I went to Nate and Jess's wedding. Left at 7:30 am and got there at 2. Unfortunately, their wedding started at 1, so I totally missed the whole thing. I was sitting at the border from 11:30 til 1:10. Brutal. I was really disappointed, BUT it didn't really matter because I got to see my friends again! I showed up when they were taking pictures, so I sneaked in and changed. Love that I showed up to their wedding in shorts. smooth.
Nate and I realized that we hadn't seen each other in over two years! And he is still one of my best friends. So cool.
I also got to see Collin again, which was great since I'm pretty sure we haven't talked at all since we last saw each other. Also at my table was Katie Radel, Missy Pukalo, Heather Potolsky, and Liz and her husband Pat, who I'd never met before. It was nice to catch up with everyone, even just briefly.

And of course, I got to see Peter and Jon (wow, I just realized I almost look like I'm not wearing anything in that pic with Jon)
and Holley.They are such great friends, and it's never long enough when I get to see them. Brief moments don't cut it...although they are precious and I am thankful for them. I just wish they could be longer.

I had to leave the reception early because Josh and I had planned on meeting in Niagara Falls at 6:30. I was an hour late (seemed to be my theme of the day) partially because I left Nate's wedding late, and partially because for some strange, unknown reason, people in upstate New York appear to enjoy driving below the speed limit. If it is 55, please, don't go 30! (that's like doing 50 in a 90 zone in km). It is painful, especially when I'm late. I don't usually get road rage, but I was very tempted to honk at the stupid drivers. Anyways, I eventually made it to Niagara and met Josh (and I still don't know how to hear the voicemails he left me. I'm so not a cell phone person at all) and so that was nice. Only I was still in my dress from the wedding, which made me super over dressed. Oh well. Made up for that by making a scary face...notice that my one eye is looking directly at the camera and only one is crossed. (Josh, I didn't put this up on facebook, just my blog, teehee)

Today I got to see Steve and Daryn at church, which is great cuz I haven't seen them in a while either! It's so crazy that Daryn's going to Yale. Smart kid I tell you. They both are...look out world! We took some random pictures outside and pretended to be a family. Steve and I are the parents, BethL and Daryn are supposed to be our children, and my brother is supposed to be our dog, but then I think Daryn wanted to be a dog as well. Whatever, it was random and weird and that makes me happy. And then we tried a bunch of times to get a good jumping pic, and we finally did! yay!

whoa, 2 days in a row!

Today for the holiday we went up to Gravenhurst to see Uncle Glenn and Aunt Leona, and Leanne and her kids. On the way we passed the pirate ship, which certainly seemed much larger when I was a child, and also Weber's, but we did not stop for a burger. Alas, I will have to wait another year.
Anyways, it was such a fun day since I have been kid-deprived for quite some time, and Emma Rose and Annie Sunshine are brilliant. We played "hide the marble" (a variation of "the penny game"), rack-o, and phase 10. Emma totally beat me at phase 10. And she's only going into gr. 4. I was quite impressed, even though I did help her quite a bit.
Annie is quite the cuddler and talker. I don't think I've ever heard a 4-year-old with such amazing verbal skills. And she is very assertive. She thought that Emma was making fun of her, so she asked me to ask Emma to stop, but I told her she should ask Emma herself and explain to her that she was being hurt by what Emma was saying. So she did. If I were her I totally just would have been mean back. Only more mean. So wow, having a 4 year old set me a good example :) impressive.
I'll have to visit them in Edmonton sometime this next year for sure.
We got my brother to play tag with us, only because he is so much bigger and faster than us we told him he had to walk with his feet directly in front of each other, toe to heel. Totally hilarious to watch by the way. I think he caught me because I was laughing too hard to move away. My bro is such a good sport, I totally love the guy.
Also, he sleeps in the car the same way I do. And dad. And his dad. With the head back and mouth wide open. We took pictures. mwahahaha. Actually, I totally can't laugh because I am genetically set up to look just as ridiculous myself.
Fun quote of the day:
"We're going for a walk at the wharf"
"Grandma, I didn't know you had a dwarf!"

update. caution: may be long

So....I haven't blogged in a while
I flew back to Ontario on Thursday...after a little unexpected and certainly unwanted adventure. See, as I was leaving to get in my cab to go to the airport, I was very careful to get my luggage out the door without the cat escaping. And then as I was slipping through the door, he got out. So I tried to coax him back into the house. As did the cab driver. And a random lady passing by. For 25 minutes. Finally I had to give up because my cab driver was still waiting (thankfully) and I needed to get to the airport. I'm still not sure if he made it back safely, because when I called when I got to my sister's Merissa didn't think he was back yet. I really hope he made it back, because even though I don't always like the guy very much, I still want him to be okay and also it would be really sad for Karyn if he's gone. (note to my housemates: please let me know if he's ok!)
Anyways, I made it to Kitchener airport, which adorably small. One terminal, on baggage carousel. I noticed that many many many houses have pools in their backyards. And walking off the plane reminded me why. Ahh, humidity! Anyways, I saw one of my campers at the airport (random) and I still haven't quite remembered her name which has been bugging me for a few days. If only I had labelled the backs of my pictures...oh wait, maybe I did! I'll check later.
Anyways, I went to Amelia and Curtis's for Thursday night and then on Friday Meil and I went shopping! Yay! And we got some really sweet deals. I mean, 3 shirts for $5...who can beat that? And the lady at Tim Hortons was super nice and gave us a ton of extra timbits.
After Curtis was done work we went up to Owen Sound, and even though I slept for much of the way (hey, you know me and long car rides) I still appreciated the familiar beauty for the time I was awake. It is definitely good to be home.
Saturday we spent the day at the beach. Oh man, the water was gorgeous! Seriously, perfect day. Well, it could have been hotter and slightly less windy (sand in the eyes is quite irritating) but it was bright and sunny and warm. Bubba and I decided it was similar weather to that day when we were at the beach in Marseilles (seriously not as nice a beach as Sauble, but whatever, it was France) and on one side of us were people in light hoodies and on the other side were the slightly overweight topless girls.
After the beach we rushed home to quickly shower off the dirt and then go see the Bourne Ultimatum for Steps' birthday. Even mom liked it *shocker* so that was great. Good thing we'd gotten tickets in the morning and arrived early...Since Owen Sound only has one movie theatre. And the drive-in, but I'm not a fan of their current selections, so Roz and I will have to go later.
Anyways...mom asked me to serve communion for Sunday morning since she was on the praise team and someone else had to do it with dad. That's certainly a way of welcoming me back to church! But I didn't really want to sit in the very front row the whole service and serve communion because I've never done it before at this church and I know I'm a member, but I'm not an elder or a spouse of an elder, although I am the daughter of my mom who is an elder, but anyways, I just didn't feel comfortable, so they got Terry Myland to do it instead. And since he was the one actually getting the plates to distribute to the other distributors, I was especially grateful he replaced my mom instead of me. Wow, this is a really pointless sidenote.
Back on track...church this morning was great.

sidenote (again, already, I know, I'm sorry): it's "put on a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness" not the spirit of happiness. It's an exchange. The powerpoint was correct (check out Is. 61:3).

I felt really challenged by Kendall's sermon. He's been doing a series in Ecclesiastes (I think Rick Love would be pleased) using the illustration of the ostrich and the owl. I guess he's using them to tell a story each week, but the ostrich represents the sort of pessimistic majority of the book, and the owl is the wise interjections found throughout the book, and mostly at the end. Today's sermon was on work. Colossians 3:23-24 definitely convicted me. "Work hard and cheerfully at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and the Master you are serving is Christ." I know that I've been feeling really unmotivated and burnt out and lazy lately, but I've also had the wrong focus. Definitely an area I need to work on...and not to worry, I have plenty of opportunity.
Ok. I think you're pretty much caught up now. We just chilled this afternoon and took some family photos. I taught my dad how to use his camera on the manual setting. Oh, and I had beige cake for my birthday for lunch and got a really sweet piano book.
Sorry that I've been so bad at blogging lately...maybe I'll get back into it? We shall see...

two countries i love

I'm housesitting right now, and they have a video entitled Canada and the Liberation of the Netherlands: May 1945
So obviously I am going to watch it. It makes me happy to realize my country had such a significant role in bringing freedom back to the Netherlands.

Toxic Faith

from "Toxic Faith" by Stephen Arterburn and Jack Felton

21 Toxic Beliefs of a Toxic Faith

1. God's love and favour depend on my behaviour
2. When tragedy strikes, true believers should have a real peace about it
3. If I have real faith, God will heal me or someone I am praying for
4. All ministers are men and women of God and can be trusted
5. Material blessings are a sign of spiritual strength
6. The more money I give to God, the more money he will give to me
7. I can work my way to heaven
8. Problems in my life result from some particular sin
9. I must not stop meeting others' needs
10. I must always submit to authority
11. God uses only spiritual giants
12. Having true faith means waiting for God to help me and doing nothing until he does
13. If it's not in the Bible, it isn't relevant
14. God will find me a perfect mate
15. Everything that happens to me is good
16. A strong faith will protect me from problems and pain
17. God hates sinners, is angry with me, and wants to punish me
18. Christ was merely a great teacher
19. God is too big to care about me
20. More than anything else, God wants me to be happy
21. I can become God

10 Toxic-Faith Characteristics (found in a toxic church or system)

1. The members of the toxic faith system claim their character, abilities, or knowledge make them "special" in some way
2. The leader is dictatorial and authoritarian
3. Religious addicts are at war with the world to protect their terrain and to establish themselves as godly persons who can't be compared to other persons of faith
4. Toxic faith systems are punitive in nature
5. Religious addicts are asked to give overwhelming service
6. Many religious addicts in the system are physically ill, emotionally distraught, ans spiritually dead
7. Communication is from the top down or from the inside out
8. Rules are distortions of God's intent and leave him out of the relationship
9. Religious addicts lack objective accountability
10. The technique of labeling is used to discount a person who opposes the beliefs of the religious addict

When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloom'd

1

WHEN lilacs last in the door-yard bloom’d,
And the great star early droop’d in the western sky in the night,
I mourn’d—and yet shall mourn with ever-returning spring.

O ever-returning spring! trinity sure to me you bring;
Lilac blooming perennial, and drooping star in the west,
And thought of him I love.

2

O powerful, western, fallen star!
O shades of night! O moody, tearful night!
O great star disappear’d! O the black murk that hides the star!
O cruel hands that hold me powerless! O helpless soul of me!
O harsh surrounding cloud, that will not free my soul!

...

3

A sprig, with its flower, I break.

...

6

Here! coffin that slowly passes,
I give you my sprig of lilac.

7

(Nor for you, for one, alone;
Blossoms and branches green to coffins all I bring:
For fresh as the morning—thus would I carol a song for you, O sane and sacred death.

All over bouquets of roses,
O death! I cover you over with roses and early lilies;
But mostly and now the lilac that blooms the first,
Copious, I break, I break the sprigs from the bushes;
With loaded arms I come, pouring for you,
For you, and the coffins all of you, O death.)

...

10

O how shall I warble myself for the dead one there I loved?
And how shall I deck my song for the large sweet soul that has gone?
And what shall my perfume be, for the grave of him I love?

Sea-winds, blown from east and west,
Blown from the eastern sea, and blown from the western sea, till there on the prairies meeting:
These, and with these, and the breath of my chant,
I perfume the grave of him I love.

...

15

Then with the knowledge of death as walking one side of me,
And the thought of death close-walking the other side of me,
And I in the middle, as with companions, and as holding the hands of companions,
I fled forth to the hiding receiving night, that talks not,
Down to the shores of the water, the path by the swamp in the dimness,
To the solemn shadowy cedars, and ghostly pines so still.

And the singer so shy to the rest receiv’d me;
The gray-brown bird I know, receiv’d us comrades three;
And he sang what seem’d the carol of death, and a verse for him I love.

...

19

Passing the visions, passing the night;
Passing, unloosing the hold of my comrades’ hands;
Passing the song of the hermit bird, and the tallying song of my soul,
(Victorious song, death’s outlet song, yet varying, ever-altering song,
As low and wailing, yet clear the notes, rising and falling, flooding the night,
Sadly sinking and fainting, as warning and warning, and yet again bursting with joy,
Covering the earth, and filling the spread of the heaven,
As that powerful psalm in the night I heard from recesses,)
Passing, I leave thee, lilac with heart-shaped leaves;
I leave thee there in the door-yard, blooming, returning with spring,
I cease from my song for thee;
From my gaze on thee in the west, fronting the west, communing with thee,
O comrade lustrous, with silver face in the night.

20

Yet each I keep, and all, retrievements out of the night;
The song, the wondrous chant of the gray-brown bird,
And the tallying chant, the echo arous’d in my soul,
With the lustrous and drooping star, with the countenance full of woe,
With the lilac tall, and its blossoms of mastering odor;
With the holders holding my hand, nearing the call of the bird,
Comrades mine, and I in the midst, and their memory ever I keep—for the dead I loved so well;
For the sweetest, wisest soul of all my days and lands...and this for his dear sake;
Lilac and star and bird, twined with the chant of my soul,
There in the fragrant pines, and the cedars dusk and dim.

~Walt Whitman

one of my least favourite feelings in the world: mosquito bites on top of a sunburn

mental breakdown

So remember that post not so long ago about me having a mental breakdown? Yeah, unfortunately I wasn't exaggerating.
This morning on the c-train (which was incredibly late and slow and took an extra 20 minutes and kept stopping) I had a bit of a panic attack, which is strange, because that has never happened to me before. I was crammed in there, surrounded by people, with very little air and I started to hyperventilate. So I intentially slowed down my breathing and tried to get some air, but really, when the train wasn't moving there was no air movement. My legs felt like they were going to buckle beneath me and I would faint, and one of my hands went completely numb. I thought I was going to throw up on everyone, which would have been SO awkward. Fortunately I made it until the train finally stopped and I escaped and threw up into a garbage can. So gross.
So yeah, I was a bit shaken and extremely pale when I made it to class, but fortunately I feel much better now. It just took some time.
Still...weird that I had a panic attack like that. Thankfully after tomorrow my stress level will be seriously decreased and I will be refreshed to face life again.

superstore

The Great Canadian Superstore really lives up to its name.
Not only does it have speculaas for sale (as ecstatically noted previously on this blog) but it also has stroop wafels! Made in Holland. So, clearly, not as fresh, but still utterly delicious. What a perfect treat that Merissa surprised me with...totally made my night! (Thanks Mer!)
I've seen them for sale in Ontario before, but not here in Calgary, so you better believe I will be introducing my stroop wafel virgin friends to them very very soon. Heel Lekker!!!

Happy Anniversary!

Today is my sister's second anniversary.

Can't believe that two years ago you were getting married Meil...time goes so fast.

So...Happy 2nd Anniversary Amelia and Curtis! Love you guys!

love is a risk

I'm reading a book called "The Beautiful Risk" by James Olthuis right now, and I'm really enjoying it. A lot of what he says in it is stuff that I have been trying to express without much success, so it's been refreshing to read my thoughts expressed clearly. And also a lot more thought out and expanded upon.
I just read a chapter which was about "Understanding Ourselves: Love is Who We Are" and thought I'd pop up a few quotes. Or just long sections. We'll see :)

"God is love, and humans are made in God's image. Love, then, is who we are--love's agents. God is the giver, we are the gifted, love is the gift. God is the caller, we are the called, love is the calling.
This is what I mean by the gift/call structure of humankin. Being and becoming lovers--the gift of being human and the call to become human--happen together, inextricably, simultaneously in a process of being and becoming. To be human is quintessentially to be and to become a love--a lover of God, neighbor, self, and world...
Not only do we seek love, but love seeks us. Not only do I know love, but love knows me. We love even as we are loved. To be human is to participate actively in God's movement of love that is happening in the world. We are agents of love called to love, and called by love."

"In this way, loving--receiving and giving love--is not something, first of all, that we do. Love is who we are, as gift and call, as passion to be lived out. It is in love (or not loving) that we are (or are not) human. It is in heeding the call of love--in making life-affirming connections--that we become human...Loving is of the essence of being human, the connective tissue of reality, the oxygen of life."

"Our spiritual interconnectedness with God means that to be a human person is to be a self-in-faith --that is, a self centered in faith rather than in self, a substance, an ability, or a role. The secret of our existence finds its origin and home in the mystery of God's gift of love, which is known through faith."

"Needless to say, the fact that we are interrelational beings defined by process only underlines just how fragile and exposed we are. We depend on our interaction with others and with creation to stay alive and become ourselves. That very interdependence makes us susceptible to injury and harm. To be alive is to be vulnerable--but how do we stay open, yet protect and hold on to ourselves at the same time?"

I think that last sentence stuck out to me the most. It's kind of a paradox...desperately wanting to live, really live, yet understanding and fearing the risks.

Mel's wedding

This past week I was in Regina for Mel's wedding. It was so good to be with those girls again. I didn't realize how much I had missed being in community with them until I was there.
It was also great to get to know Lester a bit better. I must say, Mel and Lester are really great for each other and balance each other out so well.
The wedding was beautiful and went really well. And we had a lot of fun taking pictures. I'll post a few that were taken on my camera here.

whoa

I was talking to Mel earlier today and that's when it hit me...
I'm going to see Mel and Roz tomorrow!
and in 4 days Mel will be a married woman

if this is what it takes for us to see each other nowadays, then I agree with Roz...

We should get married more often!