.wedding.

Tomorrow, my little brother is getting married. I'm really thrilled for him and Laura --it's about time! They are such a good fit for each other. I'm looking forward to celebrating their wedding and officially welcoming Laura into a family that has been hers for years already.

I'm not looking forward to the endless "when is it going to be your turn?" questions. I already fielded off two different people yesterday.

This is a pet peeve of mine. Why is the only area of my life that people are interested in the one that doesn't exist? And even if it did exist, does that discount all the other aspects of my life? I am living a full life! I have many blessings of which I can speak. (And if people really want to know, some challenges too.) And really, if I was about to get married and I wanted you to know, I would tell you. You would have no need to ask.
Well, gotta get my gracious face on.

(incidentally, tomorrow I turn 28.)

.thankful.

It is such a blessing to have my own place. With the exception of the weekend I moved in, I've been able to host at least one person every weekend I've had this house. I love that! I'm not sure that I'm always the best hostess (the last 2 weekends people have had to let themselves in and fend for themselves for a bit until I got home), but I hope that people feel at home here and make themselves comfortable.
I love having an "open door policy" where people can stop by. One morning last weekend I came downstairs to see Jess in my kitchen, leaving me a note because she didn't think I was in.

So, I am thankful for this place. I continue to pray, as I did before I even found it, that it will be used of God to build community and be a place where people feel loved and accepted.

This weekend my whole family was over to celebrate my dad's birthday and father's day, and I realized I need more chairs. Good thing I have a piano bench! How cool to have them all filled!

I'm also thankful that Rach is living with me, even if it's only temporary. I've missed having a roommate, and although we don't see each other super often, it is nice to share this space with someone. I also appreciate our conversations together, and cooking together, and worshipping together

Today after church and after lunch I decided to do a bit of gardening and that it could not wait. My housewarming/open house is next weekend, and it would be good if the backyard looked less haggard. So, before I allowed myself a Sunday afternoon nap, and before the threatening rain came through on its promises, I did a bit of work on the garden with the sweet musical stylings of the Vespers tickling my ears. Rach started laughing at me, and I had to chuckle too, at what a strange sight I must have been.

There are so many things for which I am thankful.
A little while ago in a staff meeting, John mentioned something about not using the words "thank you" in prayer. It has enriched my prayer life to instead use words like, "God, you are so awesome in the ways that you..."
It reminds me that although I am thankful, it is because of who God is. It is good to be reminded of his character, and take those moments of thankfulness as opportunities to know God more. It's pretty incredible how God can take an off-hand remark and use it to help me know and appreciate him in new ways. I am so incredibly blessed.

.may.

Well, it's almost the end of May and I haven't had a spare second to catch up my blog. What a crazy month this has been!
God is so good. I have been in awe of his work in the lives of my students, and so honoured to be a part of it.
I'm moved into my new place and getting settled and Rachel just moved in this week. I'm excited to have a roommate again, even if it's only short-term. Who knows? Maybe she'll buy the place next door...

.home.

It's a little ironic, but today I finally feel at home in St. Catharines. And the reason why, is because I finally know a homeless person's name.
I met Brian this afternoon because he was asking for some food, so we walked across the street to The Fine Grind where I bought him a grilled cheese sandwich. I'm not sure what else to do for him...I'm not very familiar with the shelters in the area. He said the Salvation Army is full and he's not allowed back to Southridge for another week. But it's supposed to be cold for the next few days --maybe even some snow. I hope that he's ok.

.letters from the ledge.

At the beginning of this year, I read a book called "Letters from the Ledge" by Lynda Meyers. For me, it was a long time coming, because I'd read a rough draft of the first few chapters back in 2006 or 2007 and I was immediately hooked. But it was definitely worth the wait.

In short order, I came to know the characters as my friends, to experience their lives alongside them. The story is compelling because it doesn't gloss over pain, pretending that everything is ok when it's not, nor does it dive into darkness that is overwhelmingly depressing. The pain is present, but so is the hope and healing.

Here's a brief glimpse at the story:
High above Manhattan, Brendan walks the ledge.
Night after night he stands with his arms outstretched, ready to fly away. 

Sarah can see him from her window.
Paige can see them both from her fire escape.
None of them know they’re being watched each night by the others.
But everyone has a story to tell.

Still reeling from the suicide of his best friend Tess, seventeen-year old Brendan struggles to overcome addiction and identity issues. Walking the ledge outside his Manhattan apartment has become its own sort of drug, as he stands night after night with his arms outstretched, ready to fly away. Sarah can see him from her window, and begins journaling about a boy on a ledge. Paige and Nate, a young couple in another building, can see both teens from their fire escape. None of them know the others are watching, but a strong desire for freedom resides in each of them, and as their lives begin to intertwine, that desire will be tested. Anyone can jump, but not everyone can fly...

Sharp, humorous, and deeply layered, this chronicle of a suicidal teen’s survival explores the reality of addiction and other tough issues, but does so easily, through the use of multiple perspectives, intelligent dialogue and authentic characters. Equal parts romance, contemporary drama, and coming of age, this highly engaging and intensely beautiful novel challenges our cultural perceptions in the battle for balance.

Here's a small taste of the prologue:
"When I was a kid I used to dream about being a pilot. I had a bunch of model airplanes and I would fly them off our balcony, then ride the elevator down and try to find them. Of course they were never there, so I figured once they left the balcony they must have become real airplanes–Pinocchio style. I know better now, but there’s a part of me that still wants to believe in miracles. When you make the leap, can you really become what everyone else says you can’t?" - Brendan

This book brought up, for me, the theme of hope. Sometimes it's easier to hope than others. Sometimes life becomes overwhelming and it's hard to see the possibility of hope. But one of the things I appreciated the most about "Letters from the Ledge" is that no character is beyond hope (even Brendan's dad, who is still a villain at the end of the book).

Every character in the story has painful experiences that have shaped them, and that they still have to deal with. None of them are "there;" none of them are fully healed and restored. But their journeys are so beautiful. It is such a privilege to get to be part of their stories for even a short time. It is remarkable how much they are able to help each other and bring healing to each other's wounds, simply by allowing their lives to intertwine, and to take the risk of caring for another. By shifting their focus from themselves and their own pain, they begin to help another, and experience unexpected healing in return.

I think Lynda has shown so beautifully how God works in us. He uses others to meet us in our pain so we realize we're not alone. Even though all our stories are different, and all our wounds are shaped differently, we all have the capacity to show empathy and care, and by exercising this gift, we are blessed in return.

Every once in a while, I am tempted to give up hope for someone. A circumstance seems so big and ugly and overwhelming, and it's hard to find that glimmer of hope. But I am reminded often that God is in the healing business, and we have every reason to hope.

Because Easter was this weekend, it's a bit fresher in my mind. Christ suffered. He died, so that we could live. So that we could have hope and healing. And by his death and resurrection, there is no more despair. And because he suffered, we can be comforted in knowing that God does understand pain, has experienced more excruciating pain than we could imagine, and we can rest in the hope and power of God who sustains us.

So, every time a situation seems so black and dark and hopeless that no resolution would ever be possible, as it seemed for Brendan and Paige at times, it is good to be reminded that this is not the end. God can make beauty out of ashes, and broken and despised things into the most glorious, beautiful hope of all.

.exciting news.

Soon I will be able to shop at Home Hardware without feeling like a fraud...

.writing.

I've been woefully neglectful of this blog...for years, really. Averaging a blog a month is pretty pathetic.

But, I've been doing some other writing recently! John and I wrote a story together for 4 weeks of chapels, and it was so fun. I'm feeling inspired to write more, but I'm not sure how much I'll feature on my blog. I guess we'll see how it goes!

.leap day.

Wow, February FLEW by! And there's even an extra day...
Overall: good month.

I became an aunt.

And Roz had a fabulous birthday party!

Plus, we finished 2nd season of Downton Abbey. Love.

.NYC.

Since I am blessed to have 2 weeks off at Christmas, I decided to head to New York for a few days.
It was a really quick trip, but I did get to do everything I wanted to, for this trip anyway.

I took the train there, which was both affordable and pleasant! I love train travel and wish we had a better train system in North America.

Anyways, I arrived and took the subway to my hostel. After settling in, I went to the Rockefeller Centre. I got some great shots of the city at Top of the Rock, and the sun just began to lower, so the dusky light was gorgeous. It was freezing cold and windy, but totally worth it.

Then I met up with Beth at Times Square, and we walked around, grabbed Starbucks, caught up, and then met Collin for sushi. It was so fun catching up with them both and hearing what God is doing, even in the midst of our questions and doubts.

I spent most of the next day at MoMA. Love.
Then I walked around Central Park, grabbed some tea at a little shop, and went to a Broadway show.

Harry Connick Jr. can sing. He can't really dance. The show (On a Clear Day You Can See Forever)  was still fantastic, though. Jessie Mueller was amazing. Amazing.

And that was it...a quick trip, but a lot of fun.

.Christmas Eve reflections.

It's Christmas Eve, and earlier this evening I found myself reflecting on Jesus' birth. Not really a big surprise, given the day.
But I started thinking about what it was like for Mary and Joseph. A census had forced them to go to their ancestral city of Bethlehem, which means that all their relatives would also be heading that way. "No room in the inn" may have actually been "no room in a relative's home" as they were shunned by their families.
How terrifying would it have been for these young teenagers to become strangers and outcasts, stuck in a stable or cave with animals.
And then Mary goes into labour. Joseph must have been freaking out, but probably tried to stay calm for Mary's benefit. I'm sure neither of them really had a clue what they were doing, but somehow, God was with them assisting in the birth of his son. Pretty awesome.
I think a lot of people can be lonely at Christmastime. Maybe they're reminded of estranged family members or of losses, but I hope that they can find comfort in knowing that Jesus came into the world as part of an estranged family who had lost a lot of relationships. God was there in the midst of their pain, and he walks with us in ours too.

.friends.

I'm really thankful for my friends. It's hard to move to a new city and find community. I don't have a ton of friends here yet, but I do have a few really great ones. I'm blessed.
But, I miss having guy friends.
At a certain point it seems that we've been trained to think "why bother?" when it comes to being friends with someone who might be a potential spouse. It's like we flirt, maybe go out once or twice, decide yes or no, and we're done with it (if it's a no).
But what if I'm chatting with you and want to get to know you because I think you're interesting, but I don't really want to date you? What if I actually want to be friends? But we don't really make time for that. And it makes me sad. I think we're all probably missing out on some beautiful friendships.
I don't want my life to be less full because I'm missing out on potential friendships. And, I want to be able to have a great conversation with someone without anyone questioning my motives or interpreting my friendliness as something more.
I guess I just don't want to put pressure on potential friendships that's completely unnecessary. I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them, and it'd be nice to be able to do that without wondering "what if?"
Mostly, I guess I'd just like to build more of a community here. More well-rounded. People of different age groups and genders. I think we all have so much to offer each other, and maybe it's selfish of me, but I want to experience that. Actually, I don't think it's selfish. I think it's how we were created to be.
It just takes some risk; but what a beautiful risk it could be.

.it's official.

Christmas season is on its way.
Christmas songs are on the radio.
Including, of course, Last Christmas.

.random thought.

I don't particularly enjoy cooking. I like eating, but I don't generally eat well alone. Which is often. oops.
Basically, I miss the community that meals are supposed to be. So I think subconsciously I've been lazy about food, and eat while reading a book or watching tv, to try to avoid the fact that I am alone.
Yesterday I cooked, and I enjoyed it, and I don't think there was anything different from cooking yesterday vs any other day, except for the fact that I knew I would be eating with friends. And that made it worthwhile.
Conclusion: I think I need a roommate, or at least friends to eat with more frequently.

.grade retreats.

So, I just got back from the last grade retreat of the year. I'm tired, for sure, but also feeling encouraged.

It was great to be up in Muskoka, away from school and the distractions of life back home, and just connect with the students and with God. I certainly had a blast, and I hope they did too!

We had some phenomenal leaders this year, which also helped to make them great experiences.

Pictures to come!

.maritimes.

I am so blessed to live in such a beautiful country! It's so diverse, but everywhere has its own unique beauty.
This summer Roz and I were able to head east for a few days, which was so lovely. Here are a couple of pictures from our trip.

.Montreal.

For what I was up to for 2 weeks this month, go here.

.divine appointment.

This past weekend, my brother and I were driving up to Owen Sound to celebrate my dad's birthday and Father's day.
Not far from town, in a little village along the highway, we passed an unhappy couple. It looked like the man had thrown the woman's things after her and was tearing a strip off her. I told me brother to turn around so we could investigate. We pulled up next to the woman, who was sobbing, and now on the other side of the street than the man, and I asked her if she'd like a ride. She got in, with her bags in tow.
We went a little ways up the road to stop for a drink, and a chance for her to share her story. We also made a plan for what she was going to do next.
I spent a little less than an hour with her, but I'm still hopeful that it made a difference in her life.
I want to be more open to the needs of the people around me, more aware of, and more available to them.
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace...

.springtime.

I am loving today.

The Niagara Youth Network planned an event for today called "Love in Motion" where students from churches all across the Niagara region gather in St. Catharines and then spread throughout the city to serve and love people.  The kick-off took place at a church pretty close to my house, so I decided to walk to the event with my camera, so I could take pictures of some budding trees.

It's amazing how easy it is to meet people on a sunny day armed with nothing but a smile and a camera.
I said hello to a man in a walker, walking a very happy dog.  I chatted with 2 sisters roller-blading in their driveway (the older sister patiently teaching the younger, catching her frequently and picking her back up). Then across the street a toddler on a tricycle with her grandma next to her cheerily repeated "hello" a few dozen times as I waved and returned the greeting.
I paused to take a picture of a tree, and a woman in a scooter interrupted me, asked me to follow her, and showed me to her backyard where a gorgeous cherry tree is blooming. We hunted up and down the sidewalk, looking between houses to find a gorgeous mystery tree she'd caught sight of the other day. We finally caught a glimpse of the brightly coloured tree, but never could determine exactly where it's located or how to get a fuller view of it.

I'm feeling excited at the thought of finally meeting some of my neighbours, after a long winter. I hadn't really let myself plan ahead enough to say that I'd be staying in this apartment for another year; I kind of expected to move, but now I'm feeling like I'm here now, and I should be making the most of this opportunity. I'm looking forward to getting to know more of my neighbours over the coming days and weeks.

.foods and places.

As I was eating Pad Thai for dinner, I began to consider different foods I love that I associate with different places for introducing me to them, or just because they were really good there. St. Catharines and Thai food go together for me...I seem to eat more of it here than in other places I've lived. Which is great, because it's delicious!

The only somewhat unique food I can think of Owen Sound offering to me is schnitzel, but the Schnizelhouse where I used to work no longer exists. The Schnizelhaus in Calgary is quite excellent, though. And the Schnizel in Austria, well, that goes without saying.

Munich: weisswurst. From Yorma's (Your Mama's!) for a euro or two. Wow, we were cheap. But it's delicious!

Amsterdam brings to mind two main foods: Turkish pizza and shoarma. I'm not sure why poffertjes and pannekoeken didn't immediately come to mind, but they count too. Maybe the Turkish pizza being just around the corner from the hostel, and only 2 euros, and shoarmas being everywhere you turned in the city caused them to come to my mind first. Also, Marco and I had a memorable experience while eating shoarma in Vondelpark when a man went into a pond, caught a fish with his bare hands, climbed onto the shore and started beating it on the ground while a crowd gathered around. Weird.

My favourite food from Japan was okonomiyaki, and while I associate it with Japan (we dubbed it Japan's "garbage plate"), I also associate it with Amsterdam's Japanese Pancake House. The dancing fish flakes on top were also awesome, as was the epic boat ride in the canal afterward wherein the motor repeatedly died and Ben attempted to fix it while I paddled towards Harald's. Sadly, when I tried to go back there with Roz and Beth a few years later, they were closed for renovations. Thankfully they were able to get okonomiyaki in Japan this summer, so all is well.

Speaking of garbage plates, I think that's all Rochester has to offer me, which is quite the disappointment because I can't qualify that as good food. I'm not a hater, but considering it can eat through styrofoam and ceiling tiles in a fairly short period of time, I can't recommend it to someone more than once for health's sake.

I think of Vietnamese food when I think of Calgary. Maybe because it was everywhere...2 restaurant options across from the CPCC: one best for Vietnamese subs, and one great for vermicelli. Also, the Vietnamese restaurant in Bowness is awesome, and they're super friendly.
I also think of London Fogs at The House, although they were unable to fill that craving for me the last time I visited. They also have great sandwiches there.
Ooh, and Pulcinella's pizza (and their nutella dessert pizza deliciousness thing!!).

Pesto. Cinque Terre. Specifically, Rio Maggiore. Particularly from the grocery store at the bottom of the hill on the left-hand side right before the entrance to the tunnel leading to the train station area. Best. Pesto. Ever.

Well, although this list is far from exhaustive, that was the end of my Pad Thai (a very popular dish!) and thus the end of my food reminiscences. What are some of your food/place associations?

.Boston.

Roz and I recently visited BethL in Boston (well, Cambridge technically). It was a great visit, and awesome to catch up with Beth, and I look forward to going back again someday.
Boston and Cambridge are great cities to walk around, plus the subway is really convenient. We were a little slowed by Roz's crutches, but I think it was nice because it was more relaxing. Also: Roz's arms are super buff from crutching around everywhere. And! her knee is getting better.
I think I'm going to let some pictures tell stories for themselves.