Tuesday, August 10, 2010

.faith journey.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
~Hebrews 11:1

The timeline on this story probably goes back before December, but that's where I'm choosing to begin.

When I was home for Christmas, I started telling people I was interested in a job at Eden in their Spiritual Life Department.  This was an odd thing for me to do for a few reasons.  One: I was already settled at a great job in Calgary.  Two: there was no posting for a job at Eden in the SLD.  But as I prayed, I sensed great confirmation that this was where I should (at the very least) apply.

So, in March I sent in my resume and a cover letter, only to be informed that there were no positions available at that time.

As I continued to pray, I still sensed that my time at the Centre would be coming to a close and I should pursue other possibilities.  I began to look for jobs that were similar to the SLD, and one by one, every door was slammed shut.

I prayed more.  I believe that in life there are many choices we can make and God will bless us with either one.  I believe that if I had stayed at the Centre, God would have continued to bless me there (not that he would have to...just that in this particular situation it wasn't a clear "right or wrong").  But I also felt somewhat discontent about staying there, and believe that God was challenging me to trust him, to take a step of faith and see what would happen.

So I did.

I notified my bosses and coworkers that I would be leaving the Centre at the end of the school year.  They responded so positively; they weren't angry at me for leaving them, they were thankful for the large amount of notice I gave, they encouraged me in my search for new work, and, most importantly, they prayed that God would provide a job that would be the right fit for me.

As my time in Calgary began to draw to a close and doors were repeatedly slammed in my face, I began to dread the inevitable questions: "Where are you moving to? What will you be doing?"

I had no answers.  I didn't know where I'd end up.  I didn't know what I'd end up doing.  But I always rested assured of who God is.  I reminded myself frequently that God has shown himself to be kind and loving; he is not mean.  He would not tear me out of one place of ministry and then not provide another and then laugh at my misfortune.  He is a provider.  And I chose to trust that he would provide for me in this situation too.

I won't lie.  There were moments in days when my faith would waver.  When the reality of moving across the country to end up who-knows-where doing who-knows-what seemed a bit overwhelming.  But I continued to take it to God in prayer and let it go.  I refused to let myself be bogged down for long.  (Though I'm sure my friends can attest to a few "freak out" moments.)

Not too long after I was back in Ontario, I was enjoying a beautiful afternoon at the beach.  That day, I kind of gave up.  I told God that I felt like I had exhausted every possibility of finding a job that seemed to fit with the gifts he's given me and the calling I've felt on my life.  I told him that I was giving up on looking for work; I didn't know what else to do, where else to apply.  When I got back later that afternoon there was an email waiting for me inviting me to interview for the position at Eden.

I hadn't even realized that a position had become available, but as soon as I read that email I laughed.  I thought, 'Ok, God.  I get it.  Thank you.'  I knew that this was my answer, and he was being faithful to my obedience in following him into the mystery.

I am so blessed.

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."
~Hebrews 11:6