sweet relief

So I thought I'd quickly give you an update, since my last post left you thinking I was in a meltdown. Which I was. But am no longer.
What ended up happening is...I decided to drop a course. If you know me at all you know this was not an easy decision, but I do believe that it is the best decision I could have made. I know that my health and sanity are more important than being done everything by April.
Thankfully, I can still graduate in April and then take this last course in the fall. So that is nice.
I am also feeling glad to know where I'll be for at least part next year. I am looking forward to living in Calgary, having a job, taking one course, and being able to live life for real next fall. It seems like so long since I've "really lived" and I know that a lot of that is my own fault for rushing through this two year program in two years. (Oh, wait, is that maybe the school's fault for advertising it as a two year program when it should take at least 2.5, more likely 3 years?)
Regardless, I am glad to be here for longer (even though Ontario weather and beaches are better and fall is way prettier) and I am also so thankful to have some opportunity to being really living right now.
Part of that is getting involved in my church. I have been so blessed to find Awaken, a church that just feels like home. Their vision just fits my heart and I am excited about getting to know the people there more and getting more involved in life and ministry there. (By "there" I suppose I mean the community, not really a specific place. that just seems like the easiest word to use right now)
Anyways, just wanted to calm your fears about my sanity. I am feeling much better, a lot less stressed now that I have one less course to worry about. I'm still really busy, but it's manageable.
Thank you for your prayers! I have really appreciated them.

sidenote: my roomie works at Starbucks and they're allowed to dress up for Halloween tomorrow. She's thinking of going as a Tim Hortons worker. Double-Double anyone?

breakdown

So...the reason why I haven't been able to post on here lately is because I am insanely busy.
I have been so stressed out with school and internship and having no time for anything else, not even time to vent let alone time to actually learn, and today I finally broke down.
The timing wasn't the greatest (in Rick's class. classic.) but it was very healing. Then again, maybe the timing was good since I wasn't wearing any makeup today and didn't have to worry about smeared mascara or anything. It was one of those lovely tales of me sobbing in the bathroom with Ashley holding me up, because otherwise I literally would have collapsed. So technically I missed about 45 minutes of class, but we were doing lament psalms today, so basically I just prayed my own instead. And I am so thankful that I had this opportunity to unload, although it wasn't really that there was an opportunity for it, but rather I was no longer capable of holding it in.
Anyways, I am still stressed and overwhelmed, but I'm feeling more at peace about everything. Also, I start my counselling next Wednesday, so that will be good too. I think Wednesdays will now be scheduled in as "emotional days". I know, I'm seriously unhealthy, but somehow I am surviving. Not living, but surviving. Pray that I learn how to live in the midst of this!

challenge

"There is no greater disaster in the spiritual life than to be immersed in unreality, for life is maintained and nourished in us by our vital relation with reality"

~Thomas Merton, quoted in Benner's The Gift of Being Yourself

Sorry to everyone that I haven't blogged much lately...it's not that I haven't wanted to, it's that I honestly have not had time. Hopefully I'll get something more substantial up here soon...but for now, it's back to homework.