.twilight.

I don't get it.
This craze surrounding Edward Cullen just doesn't make sense to me.
To be fair, I haven't read any of the books; I've only seen the movie, so maybe I'm missing out on something. But I just don't get it.
Edward is good looking enough, sure, but he's incredibly rude to Bella for the first half of the movie. I understand that he is trying to control himself and resist the urge to suck her blood, but there are definitely other ways of doing that. I especially appreciated the way he comes up to her and is talking to her and then tells her if she knows what's good for her she'd stay away from him. Wait, who just approached who here?
Although the movie is supposed to be all about self-control, it was extremely sexually charged. The first time she walked into biology class and had to sit next to him he clenched his fists and looked, well, like he needed to get off. When they would talk they could barely get the words out amidst their heavy breathing. I felt like I was interrupting. She eggs him on and pushes him to the limits of his self-control. What is that teaching teens? That it's ok for them as girls to push their guys because they'll be able to stop? No they won't. Or, that's it's ok for them to have sex with their boyfriends because they're not vampires?
I will say that every girl wants to be pursued and protected, and Edward does a good job of that. But he's right; she wouldn't be in that much trouble if it weren't for him, so it's his duty to protect her. His family treats her well and includes her (for the most part), even though she poses a serious threat, so clearly they have a lot of respect for Edward and want to support him, and Bella by extension. He can't protect her alone but he needs the support of his whole family, which is a good theme. And it's great that Edward chose not to turn her into a vampire, and that he makes her go to prom and experience the things a normal teenager should experience. But the whole thing is just strange. If she doesn't become a vampire then she will continue to age and it's not like they're going to stick together forever...what would a 17 year old guy want with a middle aged woman?
And Bella...is she supposed to be an exciting character? Somehow all of the guys in the story are into her, but she has no personality at all. She is a loner who hardly ever has anything significant to say to others.
The only redeeming character in the movie, for me, was Jacob. He's a gentle, sweet guy who genuinely seems to care for Bella and have her best interests at heart. I know that he's just a minor character, but I was still wishing the whole time she'd change her mind and go for him. Plus, he's totally better looking.

.weary.

Maybe it's just winter blues.
Maybe it's the death of friends' family members.
Maybe it's stress at work.
Maybe it's having high expectations and then not reaching them.
Maybe it's because I haven't been sleeping solidly for a few weeks.
Whatever the reason, I feel weary.
So, I will respond to God's invitation to come and rest.

Psalm 3:5
I sleep and wake up refreshed because you, LORD, protect me.

Psalm 4:8
I can lie down and sleep soundly because you, LORD, will keep me safe.

Here's a song by Considering Lily.

A little too much
Today was a little too much for me
A few falls too many and one win too few

A little too long
Today was a little too long for me
But someone is calling
Calling my name, calling:

"Come, come and rest
All who are weary, rest
Come, come and rest
All who are heavy, rest
Rest"

Sometimes I try
Sometimes I try just a little too hard
Fighting the current and losing the fight

Sometimes I feel
Sometimes I feel like I'm swimming alone
But someone is holding
Holding me up, calling:

Calling me softly and sweetly
Calling me like I'm a child
Calling me though I'm not worthy
Calling me even now

.death of a computer.

I know that January is supposed to be the month of new beginnings, but for me it is also a month of endings. One in particular. The loss of my computer. Yes, my computer is dead and none of my files have chosen to be resurrected by miracle man, so once I save up some money I'll pay an expert to retrieve them. So hopefully all will not be lost. It's not the happiest feeling for all of your files, all of the papers and projects you've ever written, all of your music, all of your photos, all of your videos are irretrievable. Jutta asked me if I wanted to slit my wrists, haha. I'm actually trying to remain quite calm about it and not panic...I am sure that someday I'll get my stuff back. Thankfully nothing is urgent that I desperately need right away. Good thing I'm done school!