Sunday, May 10, 2009

.happy mother's day.

I'm writing this in the middle of the night because I can't sleep. I got food poisoning and I've been emptying my stomach. I can't remember the last time I vomited, which is probably a good thing because I hate it so much, but as awful as it has been tonight, I am also feeling somewhat nostalgic.
I know that I am mature and independent and responsible, but a part of me would like for you to be here right now like you were when I was a child, with a cool hand on my forehead, brushing my hair out of my face and the tears from my cheeks. It's not that I want to go back in time, just that I am becoming more thankful in this moment.
Thank you for those interrupted nights that you sacrificed your sleep to comfort one of us kids when we were sick. (Especially Steps, cuz when he gets sick...he gets sick!)
I think I've taken you and dad for granted a lot. You made so many sacrifices in your career for us. Thank you for staying home for so many years, baking with us, reading with us, encouraging our creativity through play-doh or painting or writing. To this day I miss your home made cinnamon buns, although I know that they often meant a night of insomnia for you. (I really hope that's something I don't inherit.)
I admire you in a lot of ways, mom. You are such a comforter and encourager. I don't think even you could count the number of times you spent your time off visiting someone in the hospital or bringing them flowers at home. You find little ways of making people feel loved and special. I appreciate randomly getting a card in the mail, being reminded that I am in your thoughts, and always in your prayers. Thank you for setting such a wonderful example for me to live up to.
I also admire your dedication and your love for your own mother. I know that it cannot be easy to see her every week, never knowing if she'll remember you or not, but choosing to spend time with her and love her anyways. You bring her a treat from home, either from your garden or your kitchen, and for those few hours you make Grandma feel so loved and valued.
A part of me is scared that when you grow old your mind will slip as well, and although the thought horrifies me, I can say that you have provided me with a beautiful example of how to show you love even if you're not the same mother I've always known.
Thank you.

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