Friday, October 06, 2006

life

I went to my first couselling session today. Surprisingly enough, I didn't cry (I know my dad must be shocked at this since I burst into tears when I talk to him on the phone about my landlord).
This is what I found out:
I'm healthy.
I'm mentally stable.
I'm constructively and positively handling issues in my life.

The same advice I was given was the exact same advice I'd given someone yesterday. I think sometimes I need to hear someone say it to me, because I'm too busy looking at the other person's situation. So that was kind of cool. I really wanted her to dig and find stuff in me, because I know that I have issues, but I feel like I'm dealing with them pretty well (which she and Jun have both confirmed). Maybe it's because during the times in my life when I really needed counselling and didn't get it I learned skills that help me process things and deal with them positively, and now I'm assertive enough to apply them to my life. I don't know. But I do konw that God is good.
Seriously, I rely on Him more and more every day. Giving Him every thought and emotion and idea and struggle and whatever. Rick Love's talk in chapel on Wednesday was a doozy. Love the unloveable. I know this is a theme that has been in my life since I was in Amsterdam, but he just happened to remind me right before the landlord issues arose. Praying for your enemies, or those who persecute you is really hard. And it's not something I ever want to say and not mean. I never want to pray words I don't truly mean. So when Merissa and I were praying for Reg, we were sobbing. Seriously straining to get the words out and truly mean them.
I am sure that God calls us to pray for the people it's hard to pray for and hard to love because it changes us. It's all about changing our hearts. And not to say that I'm not still mad at Reg, because I am. But God is working on me and my heart and my attitude, and it is already a lot easier for me to pray blessings on him.
So, I guess the conclusion is, consider yourself lucky if I've been mad at you recently, because I'm praying blessings on you, haha. But don't worry, if I'm not mad at you I'm still praying blessings for you too.
Praise the Lord. For never giving up on me, even when my heart is hard. For softening my heart and teaching me how to forgive. For giving me a peace (that people can apparently see in my eyes). For showing me what true love really is.

2 comments:

Merissa said...

yes, that was really hard, wasn't it?
I am so glad that you were there when he was screaming at me on the phone. I am thankful for that. I am still trying hard to pray for him... it's not an easy thing. I didn't see you to say have a happy thanksgiving. :) Have a great weekend!

Darius said...

I am praying for you girls aswell...
Keep on keepin on Megs
-Dan